The Next Fox News Story Before You Know It

These stories usually start with something like this, just a small article in the newspaper. Today’s Burlington County Times contains a small article about a group of praying moms asked to leave school property.

The group of moms began praying for Hawthorne Elementary School after a gun was fired outside another New Jersey elementary school. Oh, and the school called the police on the parents, so you know the Drudge Report is getting ready to link this. Of course, here’s the part that won’t get mentioned:

Three of the women, including Vaughn, are former employees at Hawthorne Elementary School. Vaughn said the three women were dismissed from their jobs as paraprofessionals at the end of last school year.

Also, they’re apparently blocking people from going into the school or something. This is really the best way to get back at your old employer.

Praying moms asked to leave [Burlington County Times]

Hot Wet Teen Virgins

A group of virgins got together near Harrisburg Saturday for an abstinence rally, but it rained so only 300 people showed up (instead of 2000) and the “Silver Ring Thing” presentation had to be canceled. A performance by Christian group Sonicflood, who has waterproof equipment for some reason, went on as scheduled.

As you can see from the above photo, the virgins in attendance were… uh… soaked? Or perhaps this is a dot painting by Seurat.

Although the group prayed, they apparently didn’t really want to see the Silver Ring Thing performance anyway.

But the skies opened about 3:15 p.m. Soon after 4 p.m., a group of Silver Ring Thing staff members, mostly young people in their late teens and early 20s, began to pray. They didn’t pray for sunshine or for the show to go on, though; “We were praying for peace and calmness,” staff member Krystle Sierras, 19, of Houston, said.

Rain shortens abstinence show [The Patriot-News]
[Photo via Patriot-News]

Lawmakers Think They Suck As Much As We All Do

With America pretty much failing at every war it decides to join nowadays — Iraq, Afghanistan, drugs, literacy, obesity, etc. — it appears lawmakers have decided to, much like the rest of us, give up.

Case in point: The new bipartisan proposal asking Americans to pray every day. Nothing wrong with praying every day, but when the head of the Congressional Prayer Caucus, J. Randy Forbes, says he wants to “build a spiritual prayer wall around America” that will not stop “until God heals our land,” well it appears Congress has outsourced illegal immigration to God.

(Well, how else do you explain the “spiritual prayer wall”?)

There’s even a website, prayercaucus.org, where one can sign up to pray for America and hope God’s able so solve all the problems in the world since politicians obviously can’t.

Of course, since this is Congress asking us to pray, I expect the United States to be destroyed by a giant flood in the next couple of days.

Lawmakers want Americans to pray 5 minutes each week for the nation [Camden Courier-Post]