Poll To End All Poles

What?! I wanted to answer Lech Walesa. Lame, Philly.com. Lame.

But we all know what won this poll, though, don’t we?

In a landslide, even.

Brady’s Fate In Hands Of Poles

A judge from Luzerne County will hear the challenge against Bob Brady’s nominating petitions today. Luzerne County, as you may know, is the only county in the U.S. where a plurality of the population reports a Polish ancestry. How this will figure into today’s decision, I dare not venture a guess.

The challenge — funded by (who else) Tom Knox and supported by Dwight Evans — attempts to knock Brady off the ballot for failing to list his City of Philadelphia pension ($8,500/year) on his financial disclosure forms. Luzerne County judge Judge Patrick J. Toole (assuredly Polish) is hearing the case because Brady got a bunch of judges elected and they might rule favorably to him, or something.

Lawyer Paul Rosen doesn’t even want to let Brady’s team argue the disclosure was a “government mandated payment” and didn’t need to be listed, since City Controller Alan Butkovitz tried to knock two challengers from the ballot since they failed to disclose their city pensions. Butkovitz was endorsed by the Democratic City Committee, which Bob Brady chairs.

Blah blah blah. Man, this race was much more fun when it was all Milton and gumdrops. There will be an appeal of today’s ruling between the two rich white guy candidates’ lawyers, and it’ll eventually go to the Supreme Court. No pressure, Judge Toole! Prać swoje brudy publicznie!

Effort to put Brady off ballot will be heard today in court [Inquirer]

War On Festivus Begins In New Jersey

A Festivus pole — or, rather, “world peace pole,” but we all know what it really is — is causing a lot of conflicts in Riverton, New Jersey. Yes, folks, the War on Festivus has begun once again this year, and we’re not going to let those Christians take away our right to air our grievances and test our strength

The number of residents in the small Burlington County town purchased an eight-foot high Festivus pole from the World Peace Prayer Society, a non-religious group founded in Japan in 1955. The borough okayed the poll to be put up somewhere, but still haven’t decided on a spot. And that’s where the protesters come in.

Some council members don’t want the pole put up, thinking it will violate the separation of church and state. (Not that there’s anything denominational abaout the Festivus Pole. Or the World Peace Pole, even.)

Also, residents are upset that the Festivus Pole might be put up next to the war memorial, fearing it will become a spot for anti-war protesters. Anti-war protesters, as you may know, never think to gather near war memorials unless there’s a pole nearby.

But it really comes down to this: Damn Commies won’t let them put up a Festivus Pole. For shame, Riverton. Let us celebrate!

‘Peace pole’ causing conflicts [AP/Camden Courier-Post]
Festivus [WIkipedia]