‘Metro’ Readers Outraged, As Usual

Daniel Holloway and the always-excellent Dorothy Robinson did a humor piece on “25 reasons to love America” right before Independence Day. Ha ha, they even crammed both of their heads into one byline thingy.

Since it’s a humor column in a newspaper, people get angry. Yay for America! Anyway, apparently you can’t call Ben Franklin a pimp without people getting all up in arms. (After the jump.)

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Councilman Kelly’s Myspace Is Totally Pimped

Jack Kelly [Myspace]

Award-Winning Entrepreneur Jailed

On Friday, a successful, award-winning entrepreneur was sentenced by U.S. District Court Judge Freda Wolfson to over 23 years in prison for running his successful, award-winning enterprise. Okay, yeah, so he was a pimp and the award he won was “Pimp of the Year.”

The awards were from the annual Players Ball, where pimps are honored yearly. He was also a mailman when he wasn’t pimping and gave an interview to a magazine where he went on about his “pimptuition.” Wow.

A man who prosecutors actually described as an “associate pimp” was also sentenced to 96 months in prison. The chief executive pimp’s name was Matthew Thompkins, and despite his award, he wasn’t exactly a model boss: He only paid women $20 a day while pocketing all the rest of the money himself.

Oh, and a woman, Melissa Smith, who testified said she was beaten with a copper pipe and wasn’t allowed to leave. She joined because a pimp told her that his friends would help win her custody of her child, so maybe it’s best not to trust pimps.

Although family members said the award-winning pimp would be able to rehabilitate and live a life of legal letter carrying, Smith didn’t think so:

“If he gets out, I know he’ll do it again,” she said. “That’s all he ever talks about - pimping and ho-ing.”

A man dedicated to his craft. Erhm, yeah.

‘Pimp of the Year’ gets long sentence [Inquirer]

We’re going to pimp you up

I really dig when people are really, really into their jobs. You know who they are: the NBA player who’s just doing it because he loves the game, the jovial guy who runs the lunchtruck, etc. I’m sure there’s a professional blogger out there who makes jokes about his Google pagerank. (No, not me. I usually say “staff writer… and blogger” when meeting new people.)

And, of course, this guy: A man so into pimpin’ he had a trophy proclaiming him “Pimp of the Year.” (How does one win pimp of the year? Most tricks turned? Fewest times busted by the cops?)

I’m talking about Matthew Thompkins, someone who we’ll all be getting a lot of mileage out of in the coming weeks. The recently arrested pimp is accused of running a prostitution ring in New York, Boston, Las Vegas and Atlantic City. He’s such a pimp that he gave an article to Ozone magazine talking about his “pimptuition.”

One of Thompkins’ trophies is four feet tall, “topped with a scepter-wielding figure in a crown and cape,” according to the Inquirer. He’s not all bad, though: Thompkins says he’d never pimp someone under the age of consent.

Oh, except the authorities said he was pimping out a 14-year-old girl. Now I know how you win Pimp of the Year.

FBI: Proud pimp nabbed [Inky]
It’s Not The People Who Are Responsible, It’s The Pimpitutions! [Philebrity]
Why use Google? [Google]

Diplo’s got Pimpergy!

As we all know — or as we all should know, DJ Diplo is the best thing to come out of Philadelphia since, well, shit, I don’t know. Jameer Nelson? Ed Rendell? Wilt?

Anyway, the Village Voice has an interview with him that was done right before he spun at the Guggenheim (!) two weeks ago.

The interview’s okay, but this is the best part by far:

What was the last good book you read? I lost this one book I started reading on Benjamin Franklin. He was a pimp.

Effin’ A, Diplo. 30th Street Pimp Station! We can all be down with that.

Holla! [Village Voice]