Blogicized: The Wolfman Cometh

• Randy Wolf will be making a rehab start tonight at Reading, which means he’ll hopefully be back in a Phillies (the NL team) uniform sometime soon. Could you imagine Randy Wolf throwing to Sal Fasano? The Wolf Pack and Sal’s Pals! It’d be the greatest moment in CBP history. [I've Made a Huge Tiny Mistake]

• The Pennsylvania ACLU on the possible marriage amendment in the commonwealth: “And it’s like getting an unwanted pinch on the butt to hear a lawmaker tell you ‘the gays’ are great, but they shouldn”t get married or French kiss in public.” Indeed! [Speaking Freely]

• And a very happy birthday to another one of PW’s bloggers, Liz Spikol, who turns 18 22 today. [The Trouble With Spikol]

Leftovers: Ban Hooligan Marriage

• Lest you think the Joe Vento story was the only time when idiots talk on the news, the Pennsylvania Marriage Protection Act is bringing out stupid comments all over. Especially after yesterday when the Senate version of the bill was amended to not include anything about civil unions. (Which is, uh, a step forward, but still.) [Inky]

• Another advantage of the World Cup: News articles that include the word “hooligan” over and over. [SI.com]

• Theft of the day: “Community Christian Day School, Sat-Sun, 12 tricycles, gray with red wheels, from wooden shed, $2,400 value.” [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Hey, ECW’s back! Apparently. But, uh, it might be a bit much: “The project got trickier in the past wek as the Sci-Fi Channel people had a meeting with Vince McMahon. They made suggestions including Martians and Vampires as characters. They also suggested storyline ideas including one where ECW wrestlers would go into other dimensions. Some compromises were reached and the Martians won’t be invading ECW this summer, but there will be a Vampire group.” [Can't Stop The Bleeding]

Anti-Gay Marriage Amendment Fails In House, PIMP Act Still Has A Way To Go

If you weren’t aware, today is apparently a holiday. It’s National Anti-Gay Marriage Day, where leaders from both political parties get all high and mighty and debate whether President Bush has a right to stop two dudes or gals from signing a lifelong, binding contract.

Constitutional amendments need 60 votes to pass in the Senate, and this one managed to lose outright, 49-48. (Huzzah, huzzah.) Of course, the press has been telling us this is just a political ploy to shore up the base and get people’s minds from Iraq, gas prices and whatever else is bad right now. That’s probably right, but it’s also a much easier idea to get your head around, too. I mean, it’s easier to think of politicians as opportunists who don’t mind using gays to as a way to score political points. Thinking of it another way is, well, almost scary. Right?

Speaking of scary, here in Pennsylvania our lovely legislators — when not voting themselves pay raises* — have their own Constitutional amendment to ban gay marriages, which actually passed in the House. The Pennsylvania Marriage Protection Act, or the PIMP Act, would ban gay marriage as well as limit municipalities from recognizing civil unions of same-sex persons. It would also, apparently, defend marriages, although I’m not quite sure how.

For some reason, the PIMP Act still has to be ratified by the Senate and the House and Senate again in 2007 before being put out to the voters on the ballot. This will bring conservatives out the polls, presumably for that bastion of conservative elections, the Philadelphia mayoral race.

Pray they don’t hold it until ‘08.

Penna. House Passes State Constitutional Amendment Banning Gay Marriages [KYW 1060]
Gay Marriage Ban Falls Short of Majority [AP/KYW 1060]

*This clause copyrighted by John Baer, Daily News columnist, and John Grogan, puppydog and Inquirer scribe.

Boy, The ‘Daily News’ Sure Is Full Of A Bunch Of Annoying Letters To The Editor Today

Seriously, this isn’t reaching a Northeast Times levels of ridiculousness, but it might be passing it in annoyance factor. Consider:

NEVER MIND that an overwhelming majority of Americans oppose gay marriage. It’s perilously close to becoming the law of the land unless citizens step up and demand our federal lawmakers pass the Marriage Protection Amendment.

Yelling “discrimination” is just one strategy the left has used to defeat this amendment. They also argue that gay marriage is a civil-rights issue like the African-American struggle for equality. Jesse Jackson has denounced that claim, noting that “gays were never called three-fifths human in the Constitution.”

Without the MPA, there’s nothing to prevent activist judges like those on the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court, which legalized gay marriage a few years ago, from creating not only gay marriage, but legalizing polygamy and even marriages between people and their pets.

Contact your senators and urge them to support the Marriage Protection Amendment when they vote the first week in June.

Or this asshole:

Addiction as a disease? Sounds reasonable. Grabs you right by the sympathies.

Unfortunately, to call addiction a disease is to demean all true illnesses and those who have been afflicted by them. Addiction is a choice. Every time a question is asked, from “Should I get high?” to “Which high?” to “Family or dope?” an answer must be chosen.

And don’t think we’re letting you off the hook, Councilman Jack Kelly, even though you wrote an opinion piece instead of a letter. We’re down with you since you use Myspace, but try and tone it down a little next time:

LAST YEAR, there were a reported 380 murders in Philadelphia. In actuality, the number was closer to 35,000 if you count the cats and dogs needlessly killed at our city pound, the Philadelphia Animal Care and Control Agency.

And if you count all the anthills stepped on, the number is too high to calculate!

Support the Marriage Protection Amendment [DN]
Addiction is not a disease [DN, third letter]
May 9: Councilman Jack Kelly’s Myspace Page Way More Interesting To Look At Than Your Ex-Girlfriend’s
Archives: Overwritten Lead of the Moment

Quickies: Gay Bar

• In legal news, the Philadelphia Bar Association has come out against the PIMP Act — that’s the “Pennsylvania Marriage Protection Act” — which would ban same-sex marriages in the commonwealth. Good for them. It’s hard out here for a PIMP Act, &c. [KYW 1060]

• So why did the cops shut down a party at Transit two hours early? Nobody seems to know. [fiftyone:fiftyone]

• The New York Sun — kind of the Evening Bulletin of New York — reports that Scooter Libby testified President Bush okayed a leak to the New York Times, putting Bush directly in the chain of events that led to the leaking of Valerie Plame’s name. Like, whoa. [Gawker (the Sun website is down)]

• Can someone (seriously) explain this anti-Jeopardy! piece? I’m totally baffled. [Early Word]

• In honor of Jimmy Rollins’ 38-game hitting streak, here’s a statheaded look at both his and Joe DiMaggio’s streaks. Very good piece. [Sportszilla]

• City Council President Anna Verna is the first person to get angry at Rick Mariano! Of course, she’s just mad that he sent a letter home saying his office would be “fully staffed.” Guess the councilwoman doesn’t want people to know that you can do her job from prison. [KYW 1060]

Puppy Morning: Humans love dogs, but not that way

Even though it’s “Puppy Morning,” some of the dog news still relates to our wonderful commonwealth. Monday, I wrote about the PIMP Act, which seeks to place a ban on same-sex marriages in Pennsylvania. The PIMP Act was defended by Chester County Rep. Arthur D. Hershey, who told the West Chester Daily Local News that “down the road, people will want to marry their dogs and horses to get benefits.”

At the time, I dismissed Hershey’s statement as mere code for “I hate gay people.” And I’m sure it still is. But, to be fair, perhaps Hershey has a point. Yesterday, I saw a story regarding possible dog-and-human relationships:

[Actress Natasha] Lyonne is facing a number of charges, including her alleged threat to sexually molest her former neighbor’s dog during a 2004 altercation. She is also charged with criminal mischief, harassment and trespassing.

To quote WWTDD, where I found this story, “you may remember [Lyonne] from ‘American Pie’ or ‘Blade 3′, but probably not.” Indeed. Anyway, due to her alleged dog-molesting ways, perhaps there is some truth to dog-and-human marriage in the state of Pennsylvania. But, really, I don’t see much of a threat besides one actress.

And, as such, I recommend to Rep. Hershey and his ilk that they change the PIMP Act to not define marriage between a man and a woman, but just that “Natasha Lyonne may not marry a dog in the commonwealth of Pennsylvania.” That should solve all our problems.

Another Warrant for Lyonne’s Arrest [E! Online via Yahoo! News]
Natasha Lyonne is in trouble [WWTDD]
Monday: But what about dog on dog marriage?
Photo by No Fixed Abode

But what about dog on dog marriage?

As we all know, this weekend was the Chinese New Year, which means we’ve ushered in the Year of the Dog. Indeed! With all the hit books about dogs and the cuteness parade that’s sweeping the country, it seems a perfect fit.

Now, as you all know, I love puppies. Puppies! They’re very cute. But I’ve never even owned a dog, nor do I think I’ll be able to afford one any day now. And I’m certainly not looking to marry a dog anytime soon. But legislators in Pennsylvania think I might be.

Yes, folks, it’s the Pennsylvania Marriage Protection Act, from here on out known as the PIMP Act. The PIMP Act would amend the constitution and define marriage as simply for a man and a woman. A lawmaker from Cochranville, Chester County — Rep. Arthur D. Hershey — thinks that this is a necessary bill and that “down the road, people will want to marry their dogs and horses to get benefits.”

In case you’re wondering, “People will want to marry their dogs” is the new slang for “I hate gay people.” (Thanks, Rick Santorum!) Apparently, there’s this old book called The Bible that lays it out for everyone, although most people ignore the “don’t be an asshole” parts.

No matter, though, Rep. Hershey is simply trying to protect us from all those people set to marry their horses or dogs and getting benefits! He’s trying to save us money, people! I mean, who else but a high school graduate whose profession is a “Farmer-Legislator” to tell us what to do! Yaaaay PIMP Act!

Anyway, I have it on good authority that Arthur C. Hershey actually changed his last name to reflect his love of… oh, you know where I’m going with this. Oh, Arthur C. Hershey, you stupid, bigoted fuck. (Now that’s journalism!)

5 county lawmakers co-sponsor marriage bill [West Chester Daily Local via My Sediments Exactly]
Arthur D. Hershey (Republican) [PA House]
Photo by jsmjr