The Bell Tolls

Steve Volk — who will, sadly, soon be leaving PW for Phillymag — has a story online right now about Vincent Pontius, who supervises Phillymag’s mail room and is the secret son of Art Bell.

Art Bell, if you didn’t know, has been a paranormal radio talk show host since the 1990s. His program, sans Bell — who’s kind of in quasi-retirement — airs from 2 a.m. to 5 a.m. weekdays and discusses spontaneous human combustion, UFOs and other wacky things that don’t really happen. It’s an excellent story and you should all read it. Come on, it’s an actual weird story that happened to Art Bell.

Lost in Space [PW]

‘Phillymag’, Starring: You!

This month’s Phillymag contains an article about everyone’s favorite city-sponsored blog, uwishunu, and the entire marketing of Philadelphia to the outside (tourist) world. It’s also about Steven Wells going to Iceland, a guy finding an anvil in Chinatown and “Caroline Bean, a good-looking 26-year-old with a subtle diamond stud in her nose.”

As such, it touches on the little Philadelphia soirée Philebrity and uwishunu held during South by Southwest in Austin earlier this year. And then there’s a little jab at Philebrity’s Joey Sweeney by Phillymag for appearing in an ad Phillymag’s ad department came up with. And then there’s this:

“[H]is recent appearance in a breathtakingly cheesy Philadelphia magazine advertisement supplement… had bloggers and other professional Philly haters on their knees thanking God for the material: “What a fucking douche,” chimed one. “Welcome to the new millennium folks, where having actual wealth is no longer a qualification to be a ‘power couple,” said another. “Selling out is the new in.”

Anyway, those comments by “bloggers and other professional Philly haters¹” are none other than three anonymous comments left on this February Philadelphia Will Do post! Gasp, I know. I know youse don’t comment here all that much — perhaps its my, um, acerbic wit — but just look what you can get.

¹Are there other “professional Philly haters” other than bloggers/writers? If so, how do I get a job as one? I’m thinking I could just walk around Center City and tell people off, and then somebody could give me money. I mean, writing’s okay and all, but if I could find a way to do fewer work than I am now, I’d jump — well, slowly walk — at the chance. Either that, or Phillymag has discovered the secret: “Daniel McQuade” is actually a copyrighted invention of Review Publishing and it’s actually several guys writing this site, who are indeed bloggers and professional haters.

Phillycars.com Spokesman New Gnarls Barkley

Hey, remember Kevin from Phillycars.com? Yeah, you remember him. He sang the “Phil! A! Del! Phia! That’s where I come from!” song on the ad for Brian Tierney’s car site back in December and early this year. (It’s at right if you, like, weren’t watching the Rose Bowl or something.)

Well, Kevin Michael, the star of that Phillycars.com ad, is back. But he’s not just back. He’s going to be the next great superstar. You heard me right. The kid from the Phillycars.com ad is on Downtown Records, the label that broke Gnarls Barkley — aka “Crazy,” aka the song that was ubiquitous last summer — in a project they’ve dubbed “The Kevin Michael Project.” (His real name is Kevin Michael Seward.) The article reads like some sort of joke piece. Honestly.

Jessica Pressler writes in this month’s Phillymag about said Kevin Michael project, and, um, oh my God. My brain exploded about 15 times reading this article. The whole idea is to make Kevin “Phil! A! Del! Phia!” Michael a brand and so he can become a big superstar on the level of Michael Jackson or Beyonce or something.

I can’t even really explain the entire article — I’m still reassembling pieces of my brain right now — but there’s so much here I can excerpt some things in charticle format.

• Kevin Michael on how he can branch out after becoming a big star: “I’m really focusing on branding myself right now. There’s so much to do. You can act, model, start fashion lines, sell things on QVC. The possibilities are endless.” Pressler: “[S]urely Prince never spoke of QVC?”
• His father is Henry Seward, but goes by the name Ric Star. He’s had some run-ins with the law — “Not like killing anyone or armed robbery or anything like that” — and has been Michael’s manager since Michael was little and singing backup for Star’s own band after sneaking into clubs.
• Michael compares his father to the father of the King of Pop: “It was like Joe Jackson without the beating.”

More »

Mayor Tom Knox Good For Philadelphia Will Do?

Like most human beings, I’m a pretty selfish person. I don’t mean it really in a bad sense, but when thinking about who I’d like to win the mayor’s race, I’d like it to be the candidate who will lead to the best scenario for me.

One might think I could use this Dwight Evans link to my blog and possibly parlay that into Evans giving me a cushy job as City Breast Inspector or something. But I doubt the city even has a breast inspector — it’s more of a federal thing — and I doubt Evans would have a plan to implement one.

In reality, all the mayoral candidates would make fine mocking targets for PWD. After all, I believe John Street is actually a zombie and I’ve still had fun with him. Who knows what they’ll do once in office? Maybe Chaka Fattah will appoint Shaft deputy mayor, maybe Michael Nutter will have a deejaying contest in Dilworth Plaza and maybe Bob Brady will maul a bear with his two hands.

But judging from this new article in Phillymag, Tom Knox might lead to the best hilarity of all. More below.

More »

‘Phillymag’ Guns Down A National Mag Award Nom

Looks like Phillymag’s publicity stunt of putting a gun on the cover paid off! The posh local monthly is up for a 2007 National Magazine Award for general excellence in the 100,000 - 250,000 circulation category. (To be fair, Wired’s Chris Andersen is up for an article about effing Second Life.)

Joking aside, the mag is up for its September, November and December issues, and November was the gun one. Phillymag is up against Foreign Policy, lefty mag Mother Jones, a magazine called Seed and, of course, Salt Water Sportsman. The magazine’s last nom for general excellence was in 1998 under Eliot Kaplan.

Putting a gun on the cover wasn’t really all that shocking or courageous — Oh! A gun! On the cover a magazine ostensibly about a city with lots of homicides! Gasp! Let’s write some articles about it! — and the magazine clearly has bad taste in blogs — a B+ for Philadelphia Will Do earlier this year? (Grade Inflation at its finest.) Now, we all know that Phillymag is no Salt Water Sportsman, but the mag has gotten better in recent months under current editor Larry Platt.

Can it beat out gay-porn (well, you tell me what it is, then) mag Seed? I guess only time will tell. But I think we know one thing: Next year’s national mag awards will surely give a nomination to Joey Sweeney and Ruth Carpenter in the “Reviews and Criticism” category.

National Magazine Awards: Finalists [Magazine.org]
Why we put a gun on our cover [Phillymag]
Feb. 26, 2007: Hipsters Now Popular Enough To Shill $30K Cars

Hipsters Now Popular Enough To Shill $30K Cars

You might be wondering just what the above photo is. Or, if you know who the people are, you might be wondering just why Philebrity power couple Joey Sweeney and Ruth Carpenter are standing in front of their Nolibs loft palming an Infiniti G.

Well, I’ll clue you in: Sweeney and Carpenter are featured in a three-page “Special Advertising Section” (read: advertisement) for the Infiniti G, which they enjoyed on a weekend at the Tropicana. (”Of course!” you’re saying as you slap your head. “Of course this blogger and his girlfriend were featured in a three-page spread about their weekend with a $30,000 car at the Tropicana in Atlantic City! I should have known that!”)

Follow me after the jump for an in-depth analysis of the advertisement.

More »

Milton Street Is, Literally, An Uncle Tom (Not In That Way)

I guess the question you’re asking right now is: Will I ever stop doing new “Milton!” logos every time I come up with a new reason to post about America’s Greatest Politician? The answer, of course, is no. But this is a new Photoshop for a reason: It’s all about old school Milton.

Yes, back before he was a mayoral candidate in 2007, Milton Street was many other things: hot dog vendor, duck boat owner, squatters’ rights advocate, Mayor’s older brother, a man named “Thomas Street”, consultant, Mister Softee driver (?), etc. This was all detailed in a Phillymag article in 2003 that they’ve helpfully reposted on the website in order to give us a fuller picture of Ol’ Milty.

And, oh man, you can’t make this shit up. It’s a fantastic read, t let’s charticle the highlights for you anyway:

• The night Daniel Faulkner was killed, Milton Street took Mumia Abu-Jamal out to dinner earlier in the evening.
• Smithsonian magazine described Street as a “resourceful North Philadelphia black … not to be dismissed as just another sorehead.” (sorehead. n. (slang.) One who is easily offended, annoyed, or angered.)
• His lady friend’s home in Moorestown has a lawn jockey on the front.
• He used to go by Thomas, but after his brothers starting having kids, he decided to go by Milton so his nephews and nieces wouldn’t call him “Uncle Tom.”
• He used to race his nephews every Christmas, until one started running track — good man — and nearly beat him. He put an end to the race so he wouldn’t lose. “Now you have to carry that defeat around with you for the rest of your life,” he said. “You’ll never beat me.”
• He didn’t have good positions for his hot-dog carts outside Penn Relays, so he called up Ed Rendell’s office and got a better position.
• He once said: “I don’t have no morals.”

And that’s just about half of it. Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah for Milton Street.

In Search of Milton Street [Phillymag]

Breaking: Businesses Cater To The Rich

Yesterday’s Inquirer contained an article detailing the recentish launches of both LifeStyle Main Line (in September) and Mainline, which had its launch party a week ago. These compete for the all important eyeballs of rich people, along with Main Line Today and Phillymag (which is the “snarkier” publication, according to the article) and Philly Style and probably like 45 other magazines, too. (Isn’t there something like Real Philly, too?)

Aside from the groundbreaking thesis that entrepreneurs want to make money, can get it most easily from the rich and copy successful ideas, such as a magazine, the article goes on to let the various publishers of the companies snipe at each other in the press:

Cantor is feeling the pressure enough to snipe a little at LifeStyle, a glossy, colorful publication that he deems “a step above a clipper.”

“We’ll see who survives,” snapped LifeStyle’s president and chief executive officer, Peter Graeffe.

LifeStyle’s current cover features a cruise ship, but Graeffe said the article about the University of Pennsylvania’s expansion was more serious than anything Mainline would take on.

Meanwhile, he said, Mainline’s cover - a matte black-and-white close-up of Bradley Whitford - is of a “TV star who hasn’t lived here since he was 13.” (For the record, the article says the 47-year-old actor left Wayne in high school.) [...]

Larry Platt, editor of 99-year-old Philadelphia Magazine, called the Main Line publications “pretty picture magazines” and said he didn’t see them as a threat. Though they compete for the same demographic, Philadelphia Magazine sees itself in a different category. The others wouldn’t put a handgun on the cover.

“We’re much more about narrative journalism and reflecting the zeitgeist of the city and not much about style,” Platt said.

“I don’t really look at them, because our readership is so loyal and so huge that I don’t consider them competition.”

I wonder what kind of narrative journalism Platt was referring to. Was it “Who’s our sexiest single?” Or perhaps it was Bon Jovi, or maybe the 20 best high schools or maybe even Pets of Philly. No, wait, I got it: The Ultimate Beauty Guide. That shit’s fuckin’ better than In Cold Blood.

‘Phillymag’ On Brady: ‘An Angle Of Significant Obtuseness’

In a profile in next month’s issue of Phillymag, Dan P. Lee writes about Bob Brady and the mayor’s race.

There’s a few nice items about the way Jonathan Saidel exited the race — “People were saying not only would they make sure that [Saidel] wouldn’t win the race, but that he’d have trouble finding work in Philadelphia, period.” — and includes a stellar description of Bob Brady’s belly:

His stomach is rotund, though firm and wonderfully shaped. It begins just below his large chest and stretches out and down at an angle of significant obtuseness.

Note to self: If Dan Lee ever asks for a quote, make sure to suck gut in first. (Did he also write that Bob Brady has big boobs, too?)

But Brady gets into the fun, too:

“Jon is home right now with a cold pack across his tummy. He had a hernia operation yesterday. And I talked to him yesterday and I talked to him in the hospital, and I’m going to see him late tonight. Jon Saidel’s my dearest friend in the world. He’s going to be my driver, my confidant, my David L. Cohen, my pillow to cry on, my crutch to crutch on.”

Boy, I bet Jon Saidel is really rooting for Bob to win the mayor’s race! What could be better than driving Bob Brady home so he can cry on your shoulder?

The Maybe Mayor [Phillymag]

Local Anchor Eats New Food

Personally, I just can’t wait for Phillymag and CBS 3’s big expose on soft pretzels next month.

Philadelphia Magazine: Scrapple [CBS 3]