Things were good for Bulletin columnist Herb Denenberg back in 2005. Bush was president, the war was still semi-popular (I guess) and the economy only mildly stunk. As such, the former consumer reporter spent most of his columns writing about squirrels in attics and the many different kinds of beetles.
Things are different in 2009. Some dude named Obama is president, the Phillies are reigning World Champions and the economy really, really stinks. As such, Herb Denenberg has used his recent columns to relentlessly bash Barack Obama, Democrats and the like. He spends about half of his sentences whining about how awful the good ol’ United States of America is, and the other half telling certain people (Democrats, Obama, the news media, Hollywood, college professors, etc.) to leave America because they hate it. I believe this is the time we can actually use the word “ironic” without fear of using it wrong. So, yes: Ironic!
The media has received the brunt of his ire recently, including a recent column on the Philadelphia magazine piece about the Inquirer. While he does come up with, um, a great new slogan for the Inky (”In Philadelphia, nearly everyone hates the Inquirer”) he also takes shots at Phillymag as well.
Any summary of this part of the column would not do it justice, so let’s just blockquote it out:
He misses something else, which suggests even after conducting 100 interviews, he is not in touch with the Philadelphia scene. He notes that Brian Tierney is the co-owner, publisher and CEO of this “city’s newspapers.” I’ve got news for Mr. Volk and Philadelphia Magazine. The Philadelphia Inquirer and Philadelphia Daily News are not this “city’s newspapers” as if they were the only ones. For over four years, there happens to be another daily, The Bulletin, and there happens to be many strong weeklies. And there’s the Metro, another daily, certainly worthy of note. Mr. Volk notes that the Inquirer is surrounded by a strong ring of suburban papers, and hence have no room to expand. But he should note that it faces competition from two other dailies, which are also taking a significant number of readers away from the Inquirer. As the Inquirer contracts, the Bulletin expands. As they say, that’s just one more nail in the Inquirer coffin.
Apparently the exhaustive research of the Philadelphia Magazine failed to uncover the existence of the Bulletin. The best daily in America, the Wall Street Journal, is aware of the Bulletin, obviously reads it, and recently quoted it in one of its editorials. [...] Later, the editorial, in discussing all the new competition eating away at the Inquirer, noted, “Smaller papers like the Bulletin are also working hard to reach a larger audience.”
If the best paper in the land can find and quote the Bulletin, something is radically wrong when Philadelphia Magazine, in an article on the very subject of the Philadelphia newspaper scene, seems to be clueless on what’s going on in its own market.
I think that could be a new slogan for the Bulletin: “Read by the Wall Street Journal!”
There’s a big ol’ Steve Volk article in February’s Philadelphia magazine about Brian Tierney and the Inquirer, and how newspapers are dying if not dead, and Philebrity and Phawker, and Will Bunch and norgs. Norgs! I know. I feel like I’ve wandered into a time portal to late 2005, too. Man, can you believe that two Central Missouri State professors just found the 43rd Mersenne prime?! That Bush sure messed up during Hurricane Katrina! Pretty sweet that there were parliamentary elections in Iraq, recently, though.
But there is one pretty amazing story. Take it, Newspaper Guild representative Bill Ross:
And Ross says a couple of people emerged from a private meeting with the CEO claiming that he’d spoken to them, in his 12th-floor office, with a baseball bat in his hands. Ross also adds that in January, Tierney took to patrolling the parking garage, watching to see what time employees were arriving to work and asking managers about those who were late. “That’s what I’m getting calls about now,” says Ross. “He’s walking around the parking garage. If he gets hit by a car, it’ll be his own fault.”
First off: Tierney needs to watch out for this car. I mean, that’s probably the fastest one in the whole lot. Second off: The Phillies should totally sign Tierney as a bat off the bench.
Take a look at that luscious baby to the right [photo of Krimpet not attached] and imagine it 1,261 times larger — that’s the size of the special Butterscotch Krimpet cake Tasty Baking Company CEO Charles Pizzi will be presenting to Metrocorp chairman D. Herbert Lipson and president David Lipson on Tuesday to honor Philadelphia magazine’s 100th anniversary.
Everyone’s invited to come by the rotunda of the Shops at Liberty Place at 1 p.m. to meet Kirby the Krimpet (we’ve assured him he’s not on the menu) and share a piece of history with us.
You will find full, complete coverage of this event tomorrow here at Philadelphia Will Do.
Anyway, if you are indeed a regular reader of this site (thanks!), you might remember this discussion question at the bottom of the post linked above:
3. Throwing snowballs at Santa in 1968 is definitely on this list, since it’s right up there with Rocky and cheesesteaks in terms of annoyance. Where do you think it ranks?
Turns out it’s number twelve. How this ranks 30 spots higher than “Flu pandemic kills 12,000″ I do not know.
Any top 100 list besides “top 100 numbers” is going to be stupid. But Phillymag’s list is absolutely bonkers. Let’s take a look at some of my favorite moments, in convenient charticle format.
100. “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” invented, 1994:Phillymag writes the Albright College kids who invented the “obsessive game of connect-the-dots linked Bacon — and Philly — to everyone in the World.” Albright College is in Reading; Kevin Bacon moved away at 17, I think.
Suggested replacement: Invention of beer pong. Doesn’t really matter where it happened, it connected drunken frat boys at all colleges to frat boys at Albright college to “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.” Only a few steps!
94. The “Philadelphia Experiment,” 1943. This is a conspiracy theory that the Navy made a ship disappear in an experiment in 1943, i.e. it’s something that never happened.
Suggested replacement: The time the Bizarro Men from the planet Faloomba invaded Philadelphia and killed everyone under the age of 50. Man, that was wild.
85. Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff team up, 1984; 84. Thirtysomething debuts, 1987; 83. The Northeast attempts to secede from the city, 1985.Phillymag calls Will Smith “the biggest movie star alive.”
Suggested replacements: Hall and Oates team up (duh), Hack debuts, Phillymag secedes from Philadelphia.
68. M. Night Shyamalan releases The Sixth Sense, 1999. This one makes sense, however…
Suggested replacement: M. Night Shyamalan releases Lady in the Water. It’s a billion times more fitting.
46. Acme Markets merges, creating “Going to the Aka-me,” 1917. I think it’s written Ack-a-me, but whatever. What’s excellent is the reasoning: It’s just about the pronunciation.
Suggested replacement: William Sansom builds Sansom (aka Sampson) Street. I know it’s older than 100 years, whatever.
33. Buddy Ryan changes “Iggles” forever. This is the only football item on the list besides throwing snowballs at Santa Claus. For a football-obsessed town. No, really. Also, Buddy Ryan ahs fewer Eagles playoff wins (0) than Rich Kotite (1), Ray Rhodes (1) and Andy Reid (8). But he put a bounty on a kicker and lost three playoff games by more than a touchdown each time!!!
Suggested replacement: This.
30. CHOP named #1 hospital in U.S., 2003. When a pointless survey from the #2 magazine for pointless surveys (U.S. News, ranked behind Men’s Health) named CHOP the #1 children’s hopsital, “the nation’s doctors (and parents) took notice.” Tiny ol’ CHOP, unknown until a magazine ranked it highly on a list. C. Everett Who?
Suggested replacement:Men’s Health names Philadelphia the nation’s fattest city. I can’t believe this isn’t on the list, actually. (In all seriousness, that C. Everett Koop founding the pediatric surgical division at CHOP in 1946 conveys approximately the same idea — “Children’s Hospital is important!” — with the added bonus of being an actual event that maybe meant something.)
12. Eagles fans pelt Santa with snowballs, 1968. “The enormity of the collateral damage cannot be overstated.” Sure it can. Eagles fans pelting Santa Claus with snowballs caused 9/11.
Suggested replacement: I dunno, nothing about Charles Conrad, born in Philadelphia, commanded the second lunar landing? I don’t really see how that had an effect on Philadelphia, but, um, have you seen the rest of the list?
10. Dilworth and Clark, 1951. There’s a story about them in the magazine that I haven’t read yet, but here’s the full entry on the top 100 list: “No two men did more to shape Philadelphia in the 20th century.” The front page says the list is “the 100 moments that shaped our city.” How the hell is this not number one, then?
Suggested replacement: Pretending this list doesn’t exist.
7. Phillies collapse, 1964; 6. Phillies win World Series, 2008. In the last 100 years, 2 of the top 100 moments in the city’s history are baseball results. In what most people would call a football town. The mag also suggests that 2008 somehow made up for 1964. The 1980 World Title and the greatest third baseman to ever play the game? Pssshaw, that one didn’t count, because 2008 is more recent.
Suggested replacement: Kixx win indoor soccer league twice. Did you know that’s as many titles as the Phillies have? Yes, that means I think #1 should be the Philadelphia Wings.
4. Penn builds the world’s first computer. Just so you remember that when we get to number one, “invention of computer” is ranked lower than “invention of cheesesteak.”
1. Cheesesteak invented. Why not soft pretzels?
Suggested replacement: This.
If I had my way, “Buddy’s Watching You” would be numbers one through 99, with “Invention of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” keeping its spot at No. 100.
I got Phillymag’s December issue, the one with the top 100 moments in the last 100 years, in the mail yesterday. The above is included in their “misses” section, where the magazine chronicles all the horrible failures it has made in the past 100 years. (It’s by far the best part of the issue.)
Above: Several Phillymag drug articles, which they claim to want to take back. Personally, what seems most embarrassing is writing a feature story about crack in 1994. That’s four years after Bugs Bunny, Garfield and the cartoon version of Alf successfully ended the crack panic with Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue. Geeze.
If someone (the devil, I guess) were to come to me and ask me to come up with the most annoying magazine feature imaginable, I’d be able to reply immediately: Rocky and cheesesteaks, which has the added bonus of sounding really hacky and out of towner as well as being superbly annoying. Then the devil would be like, “You’re cold, man,” and I’d get a golden fiddle.
To celebrate its 100th anniversary, Philadelphia magazine devotes its December issue to the 100 moments that have shaped Philadelphia over the last century. Included on the list are the filming of Rocky, the MOVE bombing, the Phillies 2008 World Series victory, and Frank Rizzo becoming police commissioner. But the mag says the single most important moment in Philly history since 1908 was the birth of the cheesesteak.
There are two things anyone who’s lived here more than six months never wants to hear about again: Rocky, and cheesesteaks. This feature is all that with the added bonus of Phillymag being the one who’s doing it.
Check out the top 10 slideshow, which features a No. 10 of “Dilworth & Clark, 1951″ (who could forget that moment!), the results of two baseball games at Nos. 6 and 7 and “the invention of the computer” at No. 4. I’m currently working on a feature about the top moments of the last 1000 years. I’m thinking “printing press invented” at No. 1 and “Mickey Morandini’s unassisted triple play” at No. 2.
Discussion Questions
1. Why is the Phillies’ 2008 World Championship more important than the Eagles’ back-to-back NFL titles in 1948-49? How about the Athletics’ 5 titles? Where should the Athletics’ 107-45 (!) season and subsequent loss in the World Series in 1931 rate?
2. Does the inclusion of the MOVE Bombing at number two make the top 10 less white, or does it actually somehow make it even whiter?
3. Throwing snowballs at Santa in 1968 is definitely on this list, since it’s right up there with Rocky and cheesesteaks in terms of annoyance. Where do you think it ranks?
4. It was pretty awesome when the Big 5 started playing a full round robin season again back in the late 90s. When Phillymag does another version of this list in another 100 years, where will Drexel joining the Big 5 (expected date: 2065) rank?
The current issue of Phillymag features the region’s top single men and women posing for gorgeous photographs and has a bunch of articles about why these people are our top bachelors and bachelorettes.
Ha, ha, just kidding, it features a bunch of random people who appear to have been chosen due to their ability to make the photoshoot. Jamison Uhler gets bonus points since he was a Daily News Sexy Single last year.
But nothing is better than the hobby of one Hilary Regan, a “sustainable marketing consultant for Domani Developers.”
Know what’s a more fun hobby than keeping casinos off the waterfront? Gambling.
Phillymag’s recent piece on opposition to a proposed mural near Rittenhouse Square is a tale of old vs. new money, elitism and a lot of rich people. As with other similar matters of national security, many sources wished to remain anonymous. As such, we have an awesome list of anonymous or nonspecific references:
“one longtime resident of the Barclay” (later referenced as: “the opponent.”)
“some” (as in: “some have labeled [Wendy Rosen] a social climber.”)
“a lawyer who doesn’t live on the Square”
“A number of people” (as in: “A number of people, either intimately involved in the mural fight or observing it with some remove”)
“a small group of neighbors several years earlier”
“the neighbors”
“one Square resident”
People who Jane Golden won’t name (later referenced as: “the callers”)
“opponents at the meeting”
“a few people”
A meeting about the mural at the Ethical Society descended into a shouting match, showing that upper crust Philadelphians are pretty much just like everyone else in this city. Phillymag set the scene nicely for the blowup:
“Our road to happiness,” says the society’s website, “is one of honest involvement with those around us.”
But as it turned out, this particular road was not headed toward happiness.
All stories should have Hard Copy-style transitions like this one. “‘Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of this earth,’ Lou Gehrig said. But as it turns out, he was actually very sick with a rare disease.
In fact, defending herself, she later told people that she hadn’t lost her virginity until she was 23.
Okay, so that should be what people will be talking about. There’s also such a dramatic ending: “Except that person was long gone. In her place was Alycia, out with her celebrity DJ boyfriend and a powerful radio exec, wearing that expensive black designer jacket, her makeup as perfect as it always was on-air, pulling out her iPhone and snapping shots of what she must have thought was news. And then she said the words that both begin and end the story of Alycia Lane, the words that describe who she had been, and had lost, that might actually sound somewhat poetic, in the desperate way that famous last words always are.” Stop! Enough, you had me until that last sentence.
Coincidentally, Andy Reid’s lawyer was present for the creation of this story, too. No, really: Alycia Lane’s lawyer is Andy Reid’s lawyer. Nevermind then. (He’s actually quoted.)
Things were good for Bulletin columnist Herb Denenberg back in 2005. Bush was president, the war was still semi-popular (I guess) and the economy only mildly stunk. As such, the former consumer reporter spent most of his columns writing about 
There’s a 
If someone (the devil, I guess) were to come to me and ask me to come up with the most annoying magazine feature imaginable, I’d be able to reply immediately: Rocky and cheesesteaks, which has the added bonus of sounding really hacky and out of towner as well as being superbly annoying. Then the devil would be like, “You’re cold, man,” and I’d get a golden fiddle.
