Ha Ha At Least We’re All Back To Our Old Scapegoat

After two disappointing and depressing losses in a row, nobody really wants to get on the guys who are doing the worst — Ryan Howard and Chase Utley — but fortunately the manager made a stupid move and now we’re all back to hating him again. Yep, it’s all that yokel Cholly Manuel’s fault! He brought in Kyle Lohse to relieve Kyle Kendrick with the bases loaded in the top of the fourth with two outs, and all hell broke loose. A 3-2 Phillies lead evaporated, quickly. Badly. 3-2 became 6-3, and a few innings later, 10-3.

Now that Cholly doesn’t deserve any of it. Okay, if Lohse doesn’t throw an 0-2 gopherball to Kaz Matsui, maybe none of this happens. But he also brought in Jose Mesa and left him in after back-to-back walks. The Philadelphia Phillies cannot bring in Jose Mesa in the biggest game in 14 years and expect to be taken seriously by their fans.

And, anyway, yuk, yuk, Uncle Cholly, aka Cletus, will never be forgotten for this weird managing decision. (Unless the Phillies win the next three, of course.)

Another Phillies postseason meltdown, along with Black Friday in ‘77 and Mitch Williams in ‘93? Maybe. Ha ha now we can blame Charlie forever.

Bill Conlin | Playoffs are no time for making managerial mistakes [Daily News]

R.I.P. Charlie Manuel’s Phillies Managerial Career

Rockies’ win pushes Phillies to brink of elimination [Beerleaguer]

Off to Phillies

Tell me you hate me in this thread in interesting ways.

Not-So-Instant Karma: Let’s Go Phillies!

You may remember, back in July, when the Phillies and Rockies played in Colorado, there was a bit of a rainstorm. The grounds crew had a bit of trouble with the tarp — due to the ridiculous winds — and, ta da, the Phillies came out to help ‘em out. And know who didn’t help? The Rockies, those fucks. Only LaTroy Hawkins did anything to help the grounds crew while the 25 guys on Philadelphia’s roster (and even the freakin’ umpires) helped out.

And you know what the Phillies need today? Your cheering. I’m going to the game, so I won’t be able to help you waste time at work. Fortunately, you have something much better: Playoff baseball in Philadelphia. So skip out, listen at your desk, make up an excuse, get sick, take a late lunch — even The Bellevue food court is going to have TVs with the game on it today — and let’s get the city’s first baseball playoff win since I was in sixth grade. Americans work too hard anyway; go enjoy your afternoon.

Hopefully, they won’t screw it up.

Phillies To Take On Rockies, God

Well, guys, the Phillies might not have much of a chance in the series against the Rockies. I know, I know; you can be excited, but there isn’t much of a chance for the Phillies to win.

The Rockies, you see, have God on their side:

No copies of Playboy or Penthouse are in the clubhouse of baseball’s Colorado Rockies. There’s not even a Maxim. The only reading materials are daily newspapers, sports and car magazines and the Bible. Music filled with obscenities, wildly popular with youth today and in many other clubhouses, is not played. A player will curse occasionally but usually in hushed tones. Quotes from Scripture are posted in the weight room. Chapel service is packed on Sundays. Prayer and fellowship groups each Tuesday are well-attended. It’s not unusual for the front office executives to pray together.

Yes! An article in USA Today last year wrote about how after a Rockies pitcher was arrested for soliciting a prostitute a few years ago, the team decided to only sign guys of character. (Because sex between consenting adults is a horrible thing; you think they’d want to sign players who were smart enough to not get arrested for soliciting a prostitute, especially since they’re rich.)

So, anyway, I don’t know if the Phillies need to make a deal with the devil to win, but it does seem like they’re going to have a tough time playing against Angels in the outfield.

Baseball’s Rockies seek revival on two levels {USA Today]

John Street Booed At Rally Monday™!

Near the end of the ridiculously-attended Rally Monday™ outside City Hall at noon, Phillies PR guy Scott Palmer said the had checked the statistics and it was the largest rally in the history of Dilworth Plaza. While I’m not quite sure they actually keep statistics on things like that, but it was a pretty good crowd. I’m no good at estimating crowds, but let’s say there were thousands of people there.

The highlight of the day was the lusty boo Mayor John Street received when he went up to give some sort of Phillies speech. Sadly, he cut it short. Also booed: Adam Eaton and, to a lesser extent, Rod Barajas. And Bill Giles and David Montgomery by the more knowledgeable, angrier fans.

More »

Green Monster Shoots Giant Baseball Head

This sketch does kind of disturb me, but oh well. If you can’t laugh at Mr. Met being killed, what can you laugh at?

Phantic shoots Mr. Met [YouTube]

Laugh At This Mets Fan As If He’s Rick Santorum’s Kid

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer team. Is anything else going on in this city today?

New York Post Online Edition

W.B. Mason To Attend Phillies Rally At Noon

Above, the super cute ballgirl douses Ryan Howard with Budweiser Select, which is a better use for it than drinking. Via hte Post.

Hey, guys! Today at noon at City Hall, there’s a Phillies rally. And whoo, it is not at all going to be like the impromptu celebration on Broad Street yesterday.

Rally Monday was instituted in 2004 and has grown into an annual happening in the cities where postseason games will be played. Each participating club that is playoff-bound, in conjunction with Major League Baseball, has prepared an entertainment slate that is free of charge and typically includes live music, playoff ticket giveaways, local vendors and celebrity appearances. Rally Monday also gives local and national business partners a chance to capitalize on the excitement of each club’s advancement into the postseason, engaging fans in a celebration setting.

“Rally Monday is an opportunity to highlight the achievements of the eight teams in postseason play and acknowledge and thank baseball fans in each market,” said Tim Brosnan, MLB’s executive vice president of business. “Rally Monday announces that these eight clubs have a shot to achieve their ultimate goal — to win the World Series.”

Yes! I cannot wait to get a Rally Towel™ at Rally Monday©, as well as see how the local and national business partners of the Phillies are going to capitalize on the excitement of the Fightins advancement into the postseason. The Phillies have a shot to achieve their ultimate goal — winning the World Series!

‘Fightin’ Phils’ set for Rally Monday [Phillies.com]

The Phillies Made Matt Dillon Cry

Here are a few paragraphs that, for some reason, are in this New York Post Mets game recap:

Actor and Mamaroneck native Matt Dillon sat stunned in his front-row Shea seat behind home plate after the final out.

He leaned forward, putting his hands into the backstop netting for several minutes before his buddies convinced him it was time to go home.

“This is what it means to be a diehard, a truly diehard fan,” said an ashen-faced Dillon, his right hand over his broken heart.

I kinda feel bad for Kevin Dillon, but Matt Dillon? Nah. Looking back on yesterday, it just keeps getting better and better. The Phillies made Matt Dillon cry. Ha!

Now it’s all Mets off [NY Post]