| |
| Tag » Philadelphia Will Do People of the Year |
« Home |
Dec
29
|
 |
The final announcement is close at hand, but I’m going to hold you in suspense until after the jump. While some favorites — say, Terrell Owens — did not make the list, I hope you are happy with the selections. Anyone you thought should have made the list was simply left off because I didn’t feel like typing up what he or she had done throughout the year.
Okay, it’s time to announce the Person of the Year. This person came to Philadelphia in 2006 with a track record that was a bit less than stellar.
Nonetheless, his 2006 arrival was greeted with cheers. He had devotees! He was beloved perhaps more than he had been in any other city. Then, mid-year, he packed his bags and left for a better job in New York. Is there anything that defines Philadelphia 2006 better?
Your 2006 Person of the Year is…
More »
|
|
dmac | 2:15 PM | 6 Comments
|
Dec
29
|
|
Pennsylvania state representative and Mayor of the Internet Mark B. Cohen is our penultimate POTY honoree, earning his spot by being the most committed of our lawmakers to two things: (1) Reading and (2) Phillyblog.
Mark Cohen first made news this year when the Inquirer revealed he had spent just over $28,000 of taxpayer money on books and magazines the past two years. All legal, of course, but one wondered what exactly The Zen of Gambling and AOL For Dummies were doing for his constituents.
In addition to his addictive book habit, Cohen is one of the greatest healers of our time, as he told the Daliy News: “All over the country, people live longer lives because of me.”
Although he’s a hard-working state representative, Cohen’s real role in life is Mayor of the Internet, a position he’s used to propose a “World Phillyblog Day” in honor of the local messageboard and announcing how Phillyblog has gotten his 1000th member.
You know how politicians tend to pander to the hip, young Internet crowd with podcasts done by their staffers or favorite songs on iTunes or whatever? Well give Cohen this: He most certainly does not pander in terms of the Internet. He is totally, 100 percent into Phillyblog and the Internet. Whether this is scarier than a politician who panders to the Internet crowd is a question to leave up to the gods.
Despite his taxing job as Internet mayor, Cohen also returned to his legislative position in the fall when he got into a war of words with Brian Tierney, who used his rhetorical skills to achieve literary domination.
For being so into reading, Phillyblog and seniority of newspaper workers, Mark B. Cohen is are one of the People of the Year. Okay, mainly for just being into Phillyblog.
Philadelphia Will Do People of the Year | The List So Far
Archives: Mark B. Cohen
|
|
dmac | 12:27 PM | 4 Comments
|
Dec
28
|
|
When Marlton’s Zachary Buono’s thumb and two other fingers were blown off by an M-80 in 2005, he didn’t say goodbye to his thumb forever. No, he had an operation to move his big toe to replace his thumb.
He was even pumped about it! “It doesn’t look like a toe on a hand — it looks like a finger on a hand.” (You can be your own judge.) Some did think it still looked like a toe, but a little experiment revealed thumbs can indeed look like big toes.
As for the owner of New Jersey’s most famous thumb, well, he just wants to remember the dead:
[Doctor] Fuller described Buono as an “inspiration” to other patients who have watched his consistently positive attitude. During Monday’s appointment, Fuller said the boy even took time to express sadness over Sept. 11 victims.
As I wrote at the time: “Excuse me, doc, but now’s the time in the appointment I’d like to set aside for the victims of the 9/11 attacks. Please join me in a moment of silence and then we can get back to my thumb.” Although maybe that should have been “toe.”
Another one of the People of the Year is whoever wrote the story’s headline: He lost a toe, but gained a thumb.
Philadelphia Will Do People of the Year | The List So Far
Sept. 12: Losing 3 Fingers Does Not Make One Forget 9/11
|
|
dmac | 11:56 AM | 0 Comments
|
Dec
22
|
|
Milton Street made a late run at this award, but he did such a great job in those few weeks that he managed to make the logo. He initially tried to run for State House back in March, but his petition was rejected because he, uh, lives in New Jersey.
Then there was a long silence, until he was indicted for tax fraud and corruption. Street employed a unique strategy of not really answering many questions, just saying things like, “Why don’t you come to court and find out?” Eventually, he did answer some questions, but not before he funny photos of him came out.
Oh, yeah, and this. Let’s hope Milton testifies in his own defense.
Philadelphia Will Do People of the Year | The List So Far
Archives Milton Street
|
|
dmac | 2:07 PM | 0 Comments
|
Dec
20
|
|
Coming into this year, Curt Weldon was a congressman with almost 20 years of service in the House. Exiting this year, Curt Weldon is a lame duck congressman with almost 20 years of service in the House, but none of them funnier than this one.
How was this year so funny? Well, let’s recap: Since 9/11, Curt Weldon had been hawking his theory that the U.S. government blew it. Which is true, obviously, but Weldon’s theory involved secret sources that talked only to him, in addition to a secret program called “Able Danger.” When his theory began to unravel in the early months of this year, Weldon decided to drop another bombshell: Osama Bin Laden is dead in Iran.
Despite this rumormongering, Weldon was still seen as a shoo-in for election. But then in April, he criticized his opponent, Joe Sestak, for the hospital choice he made for his daughter who had a brain tumor.
As election day neared, old stories resurfaced — his attendance at a coronation of Rev. Moon as the world’s savior, the time he went to Libya and to meet Muammar al-Gaddafi, how he somehow combined the two incidents, etc. — but Weldon began to refute any charges against him with nonsense words.
Then, FBI agents raided several homes/offices of his daughter, his daughter’s associates and Weldon’s political buddy, causing Weldon to respond by telling fellow POTY winner Stephen Morse about all the people against him.
Weldon ended up blaming every single person in the Western World for this raid, and — despite cheers of “Curt! Curt! Curt!” — he lost the election to Joe Sestak. He didn’t even give a totally awesome concession speech (something Rick Santorum blew, too).
What’s next for Curt? Well, currently, he’s telling conservative newspapers the CIA is out-of-control and helping Democrats. (With, y’know, the democrat in the executive office and all. Er.) 2006 was a good year for Curt Weldon funny, could he bounce back in 2007? Let’s hope so.
Philadelphia Will Do People of the Year | The List So Far
Archives: Curt Weldon
|
|
dmac | 2:36 PM | 0 Comments
|
Dec
19
|
|
Back in May, a semi-local horse named Barbaro won the Kentucky Derby — even with Frankie Avalon rooting against him.
It led to a ridiculous talking Barbaro who couldn’t pronounce Preakness on NBC 10’s website.
Then, in the Preakness, Barbaro got hurt. The local newspapers let us know this was a tragedy.
But instead of being turned into glue or dog chow or whatever else horses are made into, he survived and got all these get well wishes online.
But then, just when we all thought he was better, it looked like he was going to die again. But then maybe not! And then people — doctors! — started saying that if Barbaro survives, humanity will be better off.
And then somebody wrote erotic fan fiction about fucking Barbaro.
Let’s not forget Dr. Dean Richardson, Barbaro’s doctor. Although he got some hate mail for trying to save an animal — including at least one that asked, “Well, how come you haven’t checked his semen to see if he’s fertile?” — and killed a polar bear he was operating on, he eventually received many accolades. He was even up for Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year for saving a llama owned by an SI writer.
And then, in October, the Daily Pennsylvanian published an article about a group of Barbaro fans who pray for him every night. About a woman who canceled her honeymoon so she could stay by the computer for updates on Barbaro. About a woman who won’t give her husband dinner unless he asks how Barbaro’s doing. And that contained this quote about Barbaro:
“I think he’s here for a reason, to bring people together. I think it was God’s will to be perfectly honest with you.”
And now he’s going to survive. And this is going to keep going on.
For all of that, this horse and his fans are one of the Philadelphia Will Do People of the Year. Now I’m going to go run into a brick wall and see if it makes me feel any better.
Philadelphia Will Do People of the Year | The List So Far
Archives: Barbaro
|
|
dmac | 1:58 PM | 0 Comments
|
|
|
