Montco Man Sues Some Dude Named Larry

Atlanta Braves third baseman Chipper Jones was sued last week by a Montgomery County man, the Inquirer’s Mark Fazlollah writes.

Stephen M. Cohen, of East Norriton, seeks more than $50,000 in damages in the suit. He contends that, on Sept. 3 at 11:30, when he and a group of friends yelled to get Jones’ attention, the player ignored him. Then, after calling for Jones’ attention again, Jones “threw Cohen down on the marble floor, and began to physically assault Cohen.”

In a police report from this incident, it’s only labeled as a verbal altercation using Chipper Jones’ real first name, Larry. (You should all call him this the 10 times the Braves visit Citizens Bank Park next year. Go on. Just all chant “Larry.”)

After the incident, the Phils and Braves split a doubleheader. (Or, a “double-hitter.” Thanks, Inquirer.)

Cohen’s lawyer says his client is suffering from anxiety stemming from the attack. The anxiety of baseball players busting into his house and beating him up? I can sympathize with that.

Braves player is named in local suit [Inquirer]

Attacked Eagles Fan Somehow At Fault

Earlier today, I noted the New York Post story about the stockbroker son of the ex-owner beating up another broker who was an Eagles fan. The Eagles fan, Bob Tomasulo, mocked Stephen Mara two days after the game, and Mara responded by choking him.

That was in yesterday’s paper. In today’s paper, the Post gets three reporters on a followup story and divulges these details:

“He’s a great guy,” [Ex-Giant tight end Mark] Bavaro added. “I find it hard to believe he did that . . . [The Eagle fan] should have kept his gestures to himself. I’m proud of him. He’s a good Giant.”

[Ex-Giant wideout Phil] McConkey added: “I’m going to give Steve Mara the benefit of the doubt every time. I’ve known Steve for over 20 years. He’s the most gregarious, fun-loving, happy, positive person I know. I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner. There are a lot of jealous, insecure people out there.”

“It happens. We’re human beings,” said another broker who knows the two men. “We [get people angry] sometimes. Steve is very even-tempered. Steve was chuckling about it afterwards. It’s the other guy who took it to the next step [by complaining].”

Stephen Mara could not be reached for comment yesterday - though he was spotted heading into the exchange and being greeted as a hero by security guards, who asked to pose for a picture with him.

God, could you imagine if this happened in Philly? (I’m not quite sure how it would play out. Jeffrey Lurie’s kid would have to attack a Giants fan, I guess.) It’d be front-page news and Philly would be denounced on all fronts for having such vicious fans. In NYC it’s just another story. (Hmm. Maybe they’re on to something here.)

Anyway, it seems that the good guy in all of this — the Eagles fan! — is somehow getting crap for being attacked. So let me say this: Bob Tomasulo, you’re my hero. Keep on fighting the good fight and mocking the late owner’s son any way you can. It’ll be even funnier when the Giants lose this weekend.

Giant Among Men [NY Post]
Earlier today: Giants Fans Sore Losers, To Boot

Giants Fans Sore Losers, To Boot

All year, Giants fans — everywhere from Penn to in the New York Times — have been telling we Philadelphia fans how childish, violent and stupid we are. Giants fans, of course, are suit-clad ex-presidents like the guy above.

Well, I may need to retire this photo, because here’s what the son of the late owner of the Giants did after Sunday’s loss to the Eagles:

Veteran floor trader Bob Tomasulo, a 57-year-old grandfather, was assaulted and barraged with obscenities in front of stunned co-workers after kidding with Stephen Mara about the Giants’ embarrassing 36-22 loss to the Philadelphia Eagles on Sunday, witnesses and Tomasulo told The Post.

“Mara started screaming, ‘I’m gonna fucking kill you! Don’t fuck around with my family! Don’t insult my family!’ ” one broker said.

“Bob was like, ‘Hey, what is your problem? It’s just a game!’ And Mara yells, ‘No, it’s not just a game, it’s my fucking family!’ ”

“[Yesterday] morning, I just did that stupid little jump shot, and I said, ‘Maybe you have a basketball team instead of a football team.’

“[Mara] just snapped. He charged me like an animal. He charged me like he wanted to sack me.

“At first, he got me in a bear hug and bent me over a trading post. At first, I thought it was a joke. Then he proceeded to choke me. I passed out for a minute.”

I won’t be like Giants fans and say this is characteristic of fans of their team. It’s not. It’s characteristic of people from North Jersey.

Giants’ Revenge On Brawl Street [NY Post]
Sept. 26: Giants Fans Continue To Prove They’re Stupidest In Nation
Oct. 2: Giants Fan Can’t Take A Little Punch To The Face

Giants Fans Continue To Prove They’re Stupidest In Nation

Today’s Daily Pennsylvanian contains the easiest of all opinion columns: Fans of [x] are worse than any other fan! The [x] in this case is none other than fans of the Philadelphia Eagles, who are by far the most popular [x] in America, leading “all Philadelphia sports fans” and “soccer hooligans” by slim margins.

Sharon Udasin, a Giants (who else) fan, writes about how “when I arrived at Penn and absorbed the local football atmosphere, I saw the reality of the violence that is notorious among Eagles fans. Such crimes and misconduct are childish and dangerous and certainly do not belong among responsible, working adults.” Indeed!

Udasin doesn’t touch on (thankfully) the throwing-snowballs-at-Santa-Claus at Franklin Field, but she does interview her friends and a police officer as well as write about Michael Irvin:

Both [Jim] Goldblum and College senior Mike Zubrow attended the infamous Eagles vs. Cowboys game in 1999, in which Dallas wide receiver Michael Irvin suffered a career-ending injury. Although Irvin was clearly immobilized, Eagles fans continued to cheer rowdily - Zubrow’s season tickets have been passed down for generations, yet he noted that he was “ashamed” of his fellow fans’ reactions and decided not to partake in this blatant disrespect. [...]

Both Goldblum and Zubrow witnessed several fights at last weekend’s game against the Giants, and, in one instance, two Eagles fans were actually hitting each other. At stadiums across the country, I’ve seen fans that are just as passionate for their teams, but I rarely see them funnel that passion into violence.

Oh, man, I know, just when have any fans gotten into fights in places other than Philadelphia? I sure can’t think of any. Perhaps Arlen Specter (of course) can:

“It is not hard to find incidents of unruly fans which are not representative of the people of the cities in which they live,” Specter continues. “For example, there is the famous ’snowball game’ of December 23, 1995 in which Giants fans threw both snow and ice balls at San Diego Charger fans and players, one of which knocked the San Diego equipment manager unconscious. More than 200 fans were ejected and over 75 season tickets revoked. The New York Giants then ran an ad in San Diego papers apologizing.”

But, hey, a few fans booed Michael Irvin, people! It’s so much worse than knocking out an equipment manager!

Ugh. Columns like this make me want to put on a Donovan McNabb jersey and throw footballs at Giants fans like Udasin’s head. (Or, more likely, her feet. Bada-bing!)

Sharon Udasin | Eagles and violence: a pair for life [Daily Pennsylvanian]
Violence in sports - Fan violence [Wikipedia]
Specter Defends Philadelphia And The Eagles [Specter.Senate.gov]