There IS Something…

I’m alive! Don’t worry. Just been writing and researching things for the paper; it’s taking forever. But soon things will be back to normal here, and I’ll be writing about casinos, closed libraries, lottery ticket-selling groundhogs, etc. You know: Philadelphia.

Anyway, enjoy the ad posted above; since I came across it the other day (again, I think) it’s given me tons of entertainment. If you don’t know, Joe Morgan is a hall of fame second baseman who later became one of the worst analysts of all time. Pete Rose played 3,562 baseball games, each time passing a giant sign in the locker room that says the one thing you can’t do as a baseball player is bet on baseball. Naturally, he’s banned for life for betting on baseball.

If your work blocks YouTube (but for some reason not this site of journalistic excellency), here’s a quick recap: Rose slides into second and Joe Morgan says, “Hey, it’s Pete Rose of the Philadelphia Phillies.” He’s clearly unaware of (1) who the Reds are playing, (2) Pete Rose’s successful at-bat earlier in this inning, and (3) he and Pete were teammates in Cincinnati for most of their careers. In essence: Not paying attention in that particular inning, in that particular game and in that particular baseball career.

But that’s okay, because after losing his helmet sliding into second, Pete Rose stands up and puts on a baseball cap. Maybe that’s why he forgot that sign in the locker room and gambled on the game: Too many times hit in the head by line drives on the basepaths.

Then Pete Rose sings about some after shave or something, I dunno. Can we get Chase Utley and Jimmy Rollins to re-enact this?

Pete Rose Admits Culpability In 9/11 Attacks

The country was interested in the attorney general firing scandal, as millions — okay, not really — what would happen to Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez and the cast of jerks who inhabit the White House.

But then — surprise! — we got thrown a curveball from the government. We were told of a shocking confession that I assume will shift the nation’s attention for a few months or something. We were told of the true story of Pete Rose.

The former Phillies player Pete Rose was banned from baseball in 1990 for betting on it. Rose got so angry he came up with a plot to take down the two towers of the World Trade Center.

It took him 11 years, but he finally hatched his large plot on Sept. 11. In addition to that, Rose planned several other attacks, and also admitted to personally beheading former baseball commissioner Bowie Kuhn. He also planned to attack such landmarks as Chicago’s Sears Tower, the Panama Canal, London’s Big Ben and Fenway Park.

He also admitted to the 1993 World Trade Center attack and the 2004 destruction of Veterans Stadium.

Rose admits to betting on Reds ‘every night’ [ESPN.com]
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed: I beheaded American reporter [CNN.com]
Subpoenas could target White House, Justice officials [CNN.com]