Pa. Lawmakers: Protecting Us

While everyone was worrying about the Phillies’ postseason and the Dow dropping to triple digits, our lawmakers in Harrisburg were protecting us by passing some new laws. Today, Rendell signed a bunch of ‘em!

Let’s head to the governor’s website and take a look:

• “Senate Bill 1023 amends the Acupuncture Registration Law to require that acupuncturists be licensed by the commonwealth. Current law requires them to be registered.”
• “Senate Bill 884 amends Title 53 by requiring that when enacting an ordinance, regulation or plan regarding the placement of antennas or antennas support structures, a municipality must accommodate amateur radio service communications.”
• “Senate Bill 1019 gives the State Board of Vehicles the authority to discipline out-of-state RV dealers for violating Pennsylvania law.”
• “Senate Bill 295 places limitations on the amount of time that a large vehicle can idle without moving.”
• “House Bill 44 says that, within one year, no person shall sell, offer for sale, or install a mercury thermostat in Pennsylvania.”
• “House Bill 747 allows for the Pennsylvania Game Commission to auction one elk license a year, proceeds of which are to be used in the commission’s elk program.”
• “House Bill 1147 narrows the definition of a chop shop.”
• “House Bill 2499 enacts the Massage Therapy Law and establishes an 11-member State Board of Massage Therapy. The board’s charge is to approve qualifications and fitness of applicants for a license to practice massage therapy; promulgate necessary regulations; revoke, deny, approve, renew or suspend licenses; and submit an annual report.”

Mercury thermometers: Get ‘em while you still can.

Gov. Rendell Signs Dozens of New Bills Into Law [KYW 1060]

Leftovers: JGT, RPS Champ

• I got a call on Saturday night when I was heading out the door from a friend. “Hey, we were just at the Rock Paper Scissors championship,” he said. “Guess who won?” I asked if he did. “No, Johnny Goodtimes! He won a thousand dollars!” I’m not positive on this, but normal people do not receive these kinds of calls. [Johnny Goodtimes]

• A Montco lawmaker wants to ban cell phone use while driving. Then, he’s going to ban riding a motorcycle without talking on your cell at the same time. [KYW 1060]

• Sorry, A.I. haters! Ed Snider did not order a trade of the Lilliputian 76ers guard, although he did tell Billy King to stop signing shitty players. [Daily News]

• A rare copy of the Emancipation Proclamation — as opposed to the ones just floating around — was moved to the African American Museum for a Juneteenth celebration. Accompanying it were impersonators of Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass and Lucretia Mott. How does one go about hiring a Lucretia Mott impersonator? Are they in high demand? [Inky]

• Oh, yeah: The Yankees are in town this week. Uh oh. [Beerleaguer]

But what about dog on dog marriage?

As we all know, this weekend was the Chinese New Year, which means we’ve ushered in the Year of the Dog. Indeed! With all the hit books about dogs and the cuteness parade that’s sweeping the country, it seems a perfect fit.

Now, as you all know, I love puppies. Puppies! They’re very cute. But I’ve never even owned a dog, nor do I think I’ll be able to afford one any day now. And I’m certainly not looking to marry a dog anytime soon. But legislators in Pennsylvania think I might be.

Yes, folks, it’s the Pennsylvania Marriage Protection Act, from here on out known as the PIMP Act. The PIMP Act would amend the constitution and define marriage as simply for a man and a woman. A lawmaker from Cochranville, Chester County — Rep. Arthur D. Hershey — thinks that this is a necessary bill and that “down the road, people will want to marry their dogs and horses to get benefits.”

In case you’re wondering, “People will want to marry their dogs” is the new slang for “I hate gay people.” (Thanks, Rick Santorum!) Apparently, there’s this old book called The Bible that lays it out for everyone, although most people ignore the “don’t be an asshole” parts.

No matter, though, Rep. Hershey is simply trying to protect us from all those people set to marry their horses or dogs and getting benefits! He’s trying to save us money, people! I mean, who else but a high school graduate whose profession is a “Farmer-Legislator” to tell us what to do! Yaaaay PIMP Act!

Anyway, I have it on good authority that Arthur C. Hershey actually changed his last name to reflect his love of… oh, you know where I’m going with this. Oh, Arthur C. Hershey, you stupid, bigoted fuck. (Now that’s journalism!)

5 county lawmakers co-sponsor marriage bill [West Chester Daily Local via My Sediments Exactly]
Arthur D. Hershey (Republican) [PA House]
Photo by jsmjr

You may have my ‘Oregon Trail’ — but you’ll pry ‘Carmen Sandiego’ from my cold, dead hands

There’s an article in today’s Inquirer about Pennsylvania’s animal welfare lobby, a small group of activists who fight for animal rights interests. Their adversaries are things like hunting and fishing industries.

Despite their small budget and even smaller lobbying power — no animal rights activist is taking Joe Lawmaker out for dinner — the Inky says they have enjoyed some recent victories.

Like, for example, this bill:

Despite the odds, the animal lobby has racked up a string of victories, with the passage of more than a dozen bills benefiting wild animals and pets. In October, the legislature passed a bill banning so-called Internet hunting - in which people from the comfort of their homes use computers to trigger weapons that fire at animals many miles away.

This isn’t good. Now everyone’s going to have to choose the banker since they’ll have to buy food (since they can’t hunt). Then they won’t have money to hire an Indian guide to help them cross the river and little John will die of dysentery.

Animal activists get Harrisburg’s ear [Inky]
Oregon Trail [ClassicGaming.com]