Karl Rove In Midseason Form At Penn

Karl Rove spoke at Penn last night, and it seems he was about as truthful there as he was during his time in the White House:

These earlier travels were juxtaposed with Rove’s trip on Air Force One the morning of Sept. 11. After receiving word of the terrorist attacks, Bush and his staff got in the air “as fast as a 747 could.

Was that before or after George Bush won the 100 meter dash at the world championships?

Rove addresses U.S. politics [Daily Pennsylvanian]

Penn Students Apparently Very Sober

A Dartmouth blogger recently did a nice big ol’ chart about the Ivy League rates of alcohol infractions. The New Hampshire school was first with 52.3 per 1000 students, while Penn somehow had the lowest number per 1k kids, a measly 3.2.

So what’s up, Penn kids? Is there so much to do in Philadelphia that you’ve all stopped drinking? Does the University of Pennsylvania actually have a — gasp! — sensible response to college drinking?

Oh, wait: Cocaine. And other assorted uppers and downers available in pill form. Nevermind.

How do the Ivies stack up on alcohol enforcement? [Joe's Dartblog]

Commerce Bank Finally Robbed Again

The Penn branch of Commerce Bank (at 38th and Walnut streets) was robbed yesterday by a man with a blonde wig dressed as a woman.

Phew, I say. It had apparently hadn’t been robbed since 2004; the branch was robbed eight times between 1996 and 2004. (It was also robbed twice in one week in April of ‘03.) No word on what led to the four-year drought of robberies at Commerce Bank, but, finally, the fabled Curse of the No Bank Robberies On Penn’s Campus is over.

News Brief: Commerce Bank on campus robbed [DP]
Busy Commerce Bank a robbery target [DP]

Karl Rove To Address, Uh, Penn Kids

Hey, remember Karl Rove? You know, kinda chunky guy, balding, rapped with the creepy-looking guy from Who’s Line Is It Anyway? (at right), helped Bush into the White House and start the war and such? Well, he’s speaking at Penn next month.

Yes, Turd Blossom himself will be at the Irvine Auditorium on Feb. 20 as the “Social Planning and Events Committee Connaissance spring keynote speaker,” which is something Penn probably had when I went there but I never knew what it was, and still don’t. It’s amazing that the fall keynote speaker was someone who had actually done more damage to our country than Rove (Whoopi Goldberg).

Anyway, the head of the Penn Democrats is disappointed they didn’t bring in a speaker currently on the campaign trail, because that’s practical.

“He’s clearly very divisive, but it’s disappointing that he’s not Mitt Romney or Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton,” said Wharton junior and Penn Democrats President Clayton Robinson, who said he would be interested in attending the event.

Yes, the head of the Penn Democrats really wants Mitt Romney to come to Penn. Maybe he has some gold tablets he needs translated. Ha ha, gold tablets, Mitt Romney is a Mormon, get it?

White House ‘architect’ Karl Rove to speak at Penn [DP]

Kumar Goes To West Philly

Famed actor Kal Penn, best known for playing a stoner in Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle, has begun teaching his class at the University of Pennsylvania. Yes, indeed, Kumar is now teaching at Penn. One can assume St. Joseph’s hiring of Joe Lunardi to teach Advanced Bracketology is not far behind.

Penn, whose name is actually Kalpen Modi, is an adjunct professor for this semester only in a class called ASAM 109: Asian Americans in the Media. And, uh, he seems pretty on the ball.

“I would love for them to independently think about imagery beyond the concept of race - to be able to look at and deconstruct certain images that we’re taught to think of in a certain context and understand why they’re so significant,” he said. “We all watch movies, and there’s a significance to those movies beyond entertainment that I hope the students are able to recognize after this class.”

Naturally, the students will be viewing Harold & Kumar for the class. If things work out for me, one day I will be teaching a class at Penn showing the same film, along with the entire Cheech & Chong series, How High and that scene from Scary Movie 2 where the giant pot plant smokes one of the Wayans brothers. Just ‘cuz, you know, it’d be pretty cool to teach a class titled Marijuana & Cinema at an Ivy League school.

Prof. Kumar calls class into session [Daily Pennsylvanian]
[Photo via DP/Matt "Buddy" Cianfrani]

Shocker: Abortion Debate Turns Angry

Some group called OurVoice 2008, which hopes to mobilize young voters (ha ha, good luck), began a monthly debate series at Penn yesterday. Did they pick an issue where speakers could make strong political points and attempt to convince those in attendance of their point?

Ha ha, of course not, they had a debate about abortion.

An abortion debate hosted yesterday by OurVoice 2008, a group that aims to mobilize young voters, repeatedly broke down into a single vitriolic exchange between the pro-choice and pro-life debaters. [...]

But neither side made much effort to restrict their remarks to the subject at hand. Comfort, acting as moderator, frequently interceded to keep the debaters on topic. Audience members often broke into incredulous laughter, and personal accusations briefly flew between the participants.

Ooh, I hope gay marriage is next! And then capital punishment! Hmm, what else?

OurVoice 2008 hosts abortion debate [Daily Pennsylvanian]

Professor Killer Finally Resigns Post

Earlier this week, ex-Penn professor Rafael Robb pled guilty to manslaughter for killing his wife. He will most likely face 4 1/2 to 6 years in prison, and some people are saying it’s a bit of a light sentence for bludgeoning your wife to death. These people have apparently spent their recent years in some sort of hermetically sealed bubble and are just learning how the American justice system works. Next they’re going to tell me black people get incarcerated longer for drug possession than white people do!

But no matter. The real story is: Rafael Robb is no longer a Penn professor! Yes, when I wrote ex-Penn professor the other day I was apparently in error; the Associated Press reports Robb, an econ prof, officially resigned yesterday, the day after his guilty plea.

Anyway, so, no more Prof. Robb at Penn. Professor Ira Einhorn is still teaching his environmental science course come springtime.

Professor Officially Resigns After Wife’s Death [AP/CBS 3]
Monday: Ex-Penn Prof. Pleads Guilty To Manslaughter

Penn Panty Raider Arrested!

A Penn student has been arrested for allegedly mastermining several panty raids.

Yes, Penn senior Felix Wang was arrested for allegedly stalking several Penn women — really? Penn women? — and stealing their panties. This goes to show that watching all three Revenge of the Nerds movies over and over will do to you. (One of the women he’s accused of stalking lives in the dorm I used to live in.)

The one-man panty raid gang allegedly stole a woman’s dorm room key and entered her place; a roommate called police. But he didn’t apparently even need to do that, since Penn kids are just too smart to lock their doors.

“I don’t feel particularly safe because I don’t lock my door and I know most college kids don’t, so something like that, it could lead to bigger instances,” student Christine Guo said.

Hey, people. You all have $3,000 computers and $500 iPods and expensive cell phones, etc. Plus, uh, this. Here’s an idea they don’t teach in Econ 1: Lock your fucking doors!

UPenn Student Arrested For Alleged Underwear Theft [CBS 3]

Ex-Penn Prof. Pleads Guilty To Manslaughter

Ex-Penn professor Rafael Robb pled guilty today to manslaughter charges for bludgeoning his wife to death with a “grab-rail exercise bar.”

At his guilty plea, he said he “just snapped” and apologized to his daughter for killing her mom. “I know she liked her mother,” he actually said. Yeah, no shit. He faces up to seven years in prison.

Penn Professor Pleads to Manslaughter [6 ABC]

NEW YORK PAPER TAKES INTEREST IN PHILADELPHIA

Today’s New York Daily News has an article by Jason Sheften Sheftell — a poor man’s Jessica Pressler, perhaps — about living in Philadelphia.

Some New Yorkers apparently commute to Philadelphia, and only the Acela it only takes an hour and eight minutes to ride up to NYC. Hey, that is pretty quick. He writes about the ridiculously expensive Domus at 34th and Chestnut — $1,799 for a one-bedroom — and, of course:

10-minute walk to Rittenhouse Square and the center of the city, the Graduate Hospital (G-Ho) area has a raw, almost haggard, edge to it. There are abandoned lots next to new construction townhouses next to simple rowhouses that lack the refined elegance and historic charm of Philadelphia’s more established neighborhoods.

Also, this dude got mugged while he was a student at Penn, he says. Guess there weren’t $1800 apartments across the street from the law school back then.

Ever thought of living in Philadelphia? [NY Daily News]