A Perspective-Changing Event

Your lead of the day, courtesy of the Daily Pennsylvanian:

Meg Ryan closed her eyes, tilted her head back and moaned, “Oh god, oh god.” She appeared to be experiencing an orgasm - but unknown to most men, she was faking it.

Just think, men, how far we’ve come since 1989.

This article also contains the following sentence: “For example, masturbation does not cause deformities.” I kind of miss covering events that would allow me to write awesome leads and sentences like these.

Also: “‘It totally changed my perspective on the vagina,’ College freshman Mathew Lazarus said.”

Sex Educators Demystify Orgasms [DP]

Penn Kids To Hang With Mr. Cooper

Do the kiddies still love Anderson Cooper? I guess so, because he’ll be at Penn next month, probably talking about the good old days on Channel 1 and wondering aloud where Serena Altschul went to.

Cooper is the “SPEC Connaissance Fall Keynote speaker,” which is apparently something they have at Penn every year. (I didn’t really know this. Was this the thing when Kareem Abdul-Jabbar came and nobody attended?) The Daily Pennsylvanian notes that “[r]ecent Connaissance speakers have included Karl Rove, Whoopi Goldberg and Henry Kissinger.” It’s nice Penn has finally brought a speaker to campus who isn’t a war criminal. (You know what you did, Whoopi!)

Now will one of you Penn kids have the balls to ask him if he’s gay during the Q&A?

Update: Brad Maule writes to let me know that Serena Altschul is a correspondent for CBS and appears on CBS News Sunday Morning. I think my mom told me this before, too, but I forgot. If I ever woke up before football I guess I would have known this (but probably not). Does anybody know if they have Keepin’ it Real with Serena on DVD?

Anderson Cooper to speak at Penn in October [DP]

Penn Kid: Celebrate The Philadelphia Soul!

Although the Philadelphia Soul won the Arena Football League title, Philadelphians haven’t been rioting in the streets over it. And most people haven’t even been using the tired line of, “Oh, look, a team finally won a title!” Obviously, nobody cares about the Soul, because they do not play one of the four major team sports. Sorry, guys. We’re happy for you, but mostly people only care because Bon Jovi is the owner.

But wait! Penn’s Neil Fanaroff says we should celebrate the Soul like they’re World Champions!

That’s nothing really all that notable, until he gets into a lecture about not supporting our local sports “dynasty.”

The Philadelphia Barrage - of Major League Lacrosse - moved from Bridgeport, Conn. in 2004 and proceeded to win three of the next four championships, including back-to-back titles the past two seasons.

But for some reason, the city never embraced this squad - a squad that has remained at the pinnacle of success in the highest-level league of what is arguably the nation’s fastest-growing sport and in one of the sport’s hot spots. This year, after playing at Villanova Stadium the past four years, the team’s poor financial status forced it to hit the road for the entire season.

Despite five years of success - yes, the Barrage are again in the title hunt despite playing “home” games in places ranging from Cary, N.C., to St. Louis to Hillsboro, Ore. - Philadelphians never opted to support the team enough to keep it.

An MLL Championship never warranted a celebration, or a parade, or even a front-page headline in Philadelphia. Now that the Barrage are gone, any joy Philadelphians could have garnered from the team’s success is gone.

Wait, the Barrage are on the road the entire season? That’s totally awesome. I guess we’ll have to settle for not having any of that joy other cities experience when their outdoor lacrosse team wins the league title.

Update: Oh, yeah, there’s a motorcade at 3-ish today down Market Street. Whoo, Soul!

Hey Philly: beggars can’t be choosers [Summer Pennsylvanian]

Graduate Hospital No More

While we’re just describing things however we feel like it today, let’s go with this: It appears Penn is not content to simply expand to the river in West Philly; today Graduate Hospital will re-open as Penn Medicine at Rittenhouse.

With the proposed foot bridge over the river and a new, hopefully non-scary South Street Bridge, will Penn one day stretch all the way into Center City? Who knows. For now people are content to spar over the name:

Technically, calling the new campus Penn Medicine at Rittenhouse is a bit of a stretch. The City Planning Commission says the official boundary of the Rittenhouse Square neighborhood stops a block north of the hospital, at South Street.

But naming the new place after its own neighborhood presented another set of problems. Stephen Singer, manager of research for the Center City District, said most people who live there call the neighborhood the Graduate Hospital area or G-HO.

Maybe people will start calling the neighborhood P-Med? Brad, when you’re back from your honeymoon (congrats!), get on it.

Renter Leaves Human Skull In Apt.

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. And he’s so full of jest and fancy some renter left his skull in an apartment.

While cleaning out an apartment on South 49th Street — A-ha! A Penn grad student, perhaps? — a Campus Apartments manager found the skull sitting on a counter. One might have simply thought it was a message to the landlord from disaffected tenants, but the manager decided to call the police. The medical examiner’s office confirmed that it was, in fact, a human skull.

Did a student just take the skull from a school building somewhere, like my freshman year roommate did? Perhaps. The Daily Summer Pennsylvanian reports it’s unclear if a crime has been committed, but Campus Apartments did confirm the tenants were college students. I guess if it is Penn kids, it could be a case of Econ curve competition turned deadly.

Human skull left on kitchen counter [Daily Pennsylvanian]

Writers House Open Directory (Feat. Me)

A friend of mine, John Carroll, recently shared on Google Reader this wondrous directory of /writershouse/, which is pretty much all the recorded media the Writers House has of speakers who visit.

And, yes, if you’re interested: I am in this directory reading about rock paper scissors — mainly, I am telling jokes — and in this directory reading about how lonely I am (it also labels me “Dave”). Ooh, so emo! There’s another RPS file of me reading there somewhere, but I can’t seem to find it.

Now go over there and don’t listen to me: Listen to some of the real writers read their awesome work.

Ivanka Trump Back On The Market

It’s been a while since I’ve written about fellow Class of 2004 Penn graduate Ivanka Trump, what with her rich boyfriend and all. (Why does she need a rich boyfriend? Shouldn’t she allow poor girls to do that?)

But, alas! Ivanka Trump and her boyfriend, NY real estate mogul Jared Kushner, have apparently broken up. New York opines:

But here’s our problem: They. Are. Too. Attractive. To. Break. Up. He is gorgeous, she’s a knockout. They’re both bajillionaires with Ivy League educations who are nine feet tall and thin. And they’re funny and charming, too. IF THEY CAN’T MAKE IT WORK IN THIS CITY, NOBODY CAN.

The good news: I get a lot of Google hits for Ivanka Trump, and I hadn’t written about her in a while. Phew. Naked nude xxx Ron Paul!!

Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump Sunder Relationship, Our Hearts [Daily Intel]

Landscape Futures At Penn

Not cutting out of work to watch the NCAA Tournament? Don’t even try to talk me. But you might want to cut out of work a little early to go catch a speech at Penn by BLDGBLOG’s Geoff Manaugh at Myerson Hall (34th and Walnut, roughly).

Manaugh writes he’ll be talking about the picture at right — OMG best roller coaster ever! — and other “landscape futures,” which is something far too cool for me to understand. (Also: “climate change, ruined cities, tectonic warfare, James Bond, the literal end of the earth, and a bit of Hollywood-style archaeology.”) BLDG BLOG is one of the smartest, most interesting blogs out there, and I even considered skipping some tourney games to go.

3:30 p.m., free, Meyerson Hall at Penn, probably in the basement.

Landcape futures at Penn [BLDG BLOG]

Bra/Wallet Combo To End Poverty

The Daily Pennsylvanian reports on a great new product, in as much as it involves breasts: The Brallet!

It’s a combo breast enhancer and wallet so you can have bigger boobs and hold your ID to get into a club and impress a dude with your bigger boobs. The product, conceived by first-year MBA student Sara Tenenbein, is the lead in a story about the Wharton Business Plan Competition. “Other ideas range from socks designed for below-knee amputees [so, mittens?—dmac] to new social networking technology,” the DP writes.

Oh, yeah, and then there’s this other semifinalist proposing low-cost healthy food for diabetics in India. “India is becoming the diabetic capital of the world,” said a team member. But forget that — it has nothing to do with breasts.

Don’t use a purse? Try a brallet [DP]

U. City Robbers Are Gladiator Maniacs

As you may have read, I was quite the fan of the new American Gladiators, for various reasons. It did fairly well in the ratings and is coming back for another season.

And apparently some robbers liked the show a lot, too, as two men allegedly tied up a Penn dental student and stayed at his apartment to watch a rerun of Gladiators. They also stayed overnight and took his laptop and iPhone.

While I enjoyed the show, I don’t think I’d commit a home invasion to watch it. Even if it was an episode with a lot of Hellga in it.

Home Invaders Hold Man Captive 7 Hours, Watch ‘Gladiator’ [NBC 10]