We Want The Lion To Take A Taxi

“The Penn State senior who plays the Nittany Lion mascot was arrested on a DUI charge and his status for the Rose Bowl is in doubt, police and school officials said.” The Associated Press also notes the Nittany Lion must maintain a 3.0 GPA in order to keep his job. Maybe the kid got it confused with BAC? [AP/Philly.com]

Penn State Cager Has Fun In Library

Responding to charges related to public masturbation, Nittany Lion basketball player Stanley Pringle told police he had his hands down his pants but was not masturbating.

Yes, yes, I am a bit late to the party on another fine Penn State athlete charged with a crime, so I’ve already been beaten to the “Once you pop, the fun don’t stop” jokes. That still doesn’t make the joke any less hilarious.

Pringle denies masturbation in criminal complaint [Daily Collegian]

Fergie To Play Beaver Stadium

Best Buy’s Fergie, whose humps are lovely I hear, is playing the first-ever concert at Penn State’s Beaver Stadium.

What?

Hip-hop singer Fergie to perform first concert at Beaver Stadium [BCCT]

Halloween Costumes Create December Uproar

All hail the latest collective outrage: Penn State students dressed up like Virginia Tech students for Halloween. That’s not so bad. Well, uh, they were Virginia Tech shooting victims.

Surprisingly, this story wasn’t broken by Jenice Armstrong. No, but it’s been all over the news since the photos were posted to Facebook.com; a local TV station in Roanoke, Va., did a story on the costumes and wouldn’t show them because they’re too offensive. What?

It’s not just adults who are getting in on the angry action. No, uproar over Halloween costumes can come form anywhere.

As a response to the controversy, senior Jay Chamberlin created a new online group through Facebook — “Penn State STILL Supports Virginia Tech.” By Friday evening, it had attracted more than 250 members. Chamberlin, a former president of the University Park Undergraduate Association, said a Virginia Tech alumnus suggested Penn State students distance themselves from the costume antics.

More »

Temple Paying A Bit More Than Penn State Per Win

Hey, there’s something I missed last week (or, worse, read about and then missed): Temple coach Al Golden makes more than Joe Paterno. Joe Pa has also donated millions to the school, so his salary doesn’t really mean anything.

Paterno makes $512,664; Golden makes $575,000.

Golden makes more than JoePa [Broad & Cecil]

Penn State: The College For Pop Stars!

A while back, I clowned on this ridiculous Temple advertisement that seems to say that Temple kids learn.. uh.. directions.

But’s a lot more, well, academic than this Penn State commercial, which was naturally spotted during Penn State’s 47-0 trashing of Temple this weekend. It’s backed by a heavily ProTools’d pop song, possibly by a blonde female singer. My best guess is it says, hey, if you don’t make it at Penn State, we can fix your voice, add in some catchy background music and everything will be okay.

Temple of Doom: Nittany Lions respond to adversity by beating up on the Owls [Centre Daily Times]
March 2: The Temple commercial: An analysis

Old Man Breaks Brittle Bones

Saturday, in a 13-3 loss at Wisconsin, 79-year-old Penn State coach Joe Paterno broke his left leg and suffered knee ligament damage after being hit on the sideline. Before you write your state legislator and have him write a law banning 80-year-olds from football sidelines, fear not: Joe Pa is okay.

He had surgery this morning at Mount Nittany Medical Center to repair the two knee ligaments and set his broken shin bone. And he’s going to coach against Temple (ho, ho) on Saturday.

What does all of this mean? He’s okay; you’re allowed to laugh at him getting crashed into on the sidelines now. We are!

Paterno Undergoes Surgery [AP/6 ABC]

Camden Only Nation’s Fifth Most Dangerous

Citizens of Camden, rejoice! Last year’s second straight top spot in the Nation’s Most Dangerous Cities poll was apparently a wake-up call, because Camden has dropped to fifth on the list.

But that’s not all. Philly is 5th most dangerous among cities with a population of 500k or more, while Reading nabbed sixth in the 75k-100k category. On the safe side, Brick Township, N.J., was named safest city overall. State College was named the second safest metro area in the country, which proves that underage drinking really is a victimless crime.

But back to Camden. In lieu of a joke, I present to you Camden Mayor Gwendolyn Faison’s reaction, as quoted by the Camden Courier-Post: “You made my day! There’s a new hope and a new spirit.

Huzzah, Camden. Huzzah.

Top 25 Dangerous/Safest Cities [Morgan Quitno]
Camden gives up crime title [Camden Courier-Post]
Nov. 18, 2005: Camden: We’re #1! We’re #1!

‘We Are!’ ‘Sober!’

An item in the Doylestown Intelligencer’s police blotter, which proves that not only do colleges send accolades to hometown papers, but also police reports:

Locals cited at Penn State: Two Perkasie men were cited for trying to damage bleachers at Penn State University’s football stadium during Saturday’s game, said university police.

Samuel Eckel and Jason Kramer, both 18, and students at the school, were cited for criminal mischief after police said they tried to pull out the bleachers at Beaver Stadium. Two other men, Bryan Snow and Francis Moses, both 18, of New Castle, Lawrence County, were also cited, said Tyrone Parham, assistant director of Penn State University Police.

There was “no significant damage” to the bleachers, said Parham.

Alcohol was not involved in the incident, he said.

Why was that even brought up? As if college kids “tailgate” before football games or something.

Police news 10.5.06 [Intelligencer]

Theater Nerds Shockingly Smoke Weed

A Penn State professor and his wife were arrested recently for growing marijuana in their basement.

Police found the small batch of marijuana plans while responding to a burgular alarm in the house. (NB to future pot growers: I know you want to keep your place secure, but it’s probably best to avoid alarms, which can attract police officers, marijuana’s natural enemy.) No word if the Steven Haver’s keeping his job as theater director at PSU’s York campus, but his wife Karen has been fired from her position as director of the Sovereign Performing Arts Center. Here’s why:

“We’re held to a very high standard,” said Robert Cavalieri, the center’s general manager. “We are a very public business.”

I know, really. I mean, who ever heard of someone in the arts using drugs?

Penn State Professor, Wife, Arrested On Pot Charges [AP/NBC 10]