Pat Burrell Is The New Mike Schmidt

Last night on Comcast SportsNet, here’s what was said about the Phillies’ Pat Burrell:

I’ve often times said Pat reminds me of myself… I would say this about Pat Burrell. The Phillies have one, two, three — three, is it? — solid MVP candidates and I believe Pat Burrell could be the fourth this year.

The person who said that: Mike Schmidt. But Burrell isn’t going to be playing third, I don’t think.

Burrell also comments on the “Man or Machine?” shirt: “My wife has one. She asked me why I don’t look like that anymore. You guys have to remember, that was on a billboard. That picture has been around.”

Phillies Already Making Fun Of Pat Burrell

As you no doubt know, today is the day when pitchers & catchers report! (It’s also some sort of greeting card company holiday.) No longer will we have to not watch the 76ers in our spare time; now we can fantasize about heading down to Clearwater to catch some baseball if we had any money or time.

Anyway, the Phils are down there and the Phillies are already having a little fun, reports new Daily News Phillies beat guy David Murphy on his blog. (Don’t worry if you didn’t know about it; Philly.com doesn’t bother to promote their blogs. But lots of Wing Bowl coverage!) Some prankster got that shirtless Phillies calendar photo of Burrell that comes up a million times on Google Image Search and put it on a shirt with the caption “Man or Machine?”

While I do think the caption needs a little work — no innuendo in a caption on a photo like that?? — it is nice to see the Phillies are back in action.

Update: And, hey, just in time for spring training, there’s a History of Baseball exhibit coming to the Constitution Center. Phillies Hall of Famer Robin Roberts likes it: “For some reason I got a kick out of Shoeless Joe Jackson’s shoes.”

Man or machine? You decide [High Cheese]

Pat The Bat Popped Out Again

By now you may have heard about the verbal altercation between Phillies pitcher Brett “The Incredible Hulk” Myers and Inquirer reporter Sam Carchidi, where Myers called Carchidi a “fucking retard.” There’s audio from KYW 1060 here. While it’s not, “We talkin’ bout practice,” it is pretty good.)

Taking a cute from Dawn Stensland, Myers’ later apologized to any retards he offended. Weird thing is, Myers has had his alleged physical-alertcation-with-wife problems, but he usually doesn’t blow up at reporters or anything, except for this one mild-mannered reporter.

But who cares about that. After Myers’s and Carchidi’s voices began to raise, Pat Burrell — wearing only a towel — attempted to calm things down. Burrell is currently doing everything right. And what happened, but, whoops, the towel fell off.

Brett Myers blows (the game); screams obscenities at reporter [Bugs & Cranks]
Myers Apologizes for Word Choice [AP/Comcast SportsNet]
March 15: Retards Force Dawn Stensland To Apologize

Two’s A Crowd

The Phillies won last night, thanks to Chase Utley, who’s standing on third there. Sliding into third obliviously is Pat Burrell, who apparently forgot two people can’t be on the bag at the same time.

Utley’s blast helps Phillies Chase Mets [Daily News]
[Photo by AP/via Yahoo]

Sounds Like Someone Got Cockblocked By Pat Burrell

If you want to meet Pat the Bat [Craigslist]

Sexy Singles Love Their Phillies, Uh, Pitchers

Today is the Daily News annual “Sexy Singles” competition, celebrating the sexiest friends of Daily News reporter Jenice Armstrong, as well as a few media people. (Co-host of 10! show? Check. Co-host of Good Day Philadelphia? Check.)

This year, it’s been split up into two days, with the men tomorrow — oh, we are excited — and the women today. There’s not much of note in the list of sexy singles. None of them are particularly bad-looking, only one nominated herself for the award. The DN web staff apparently didn’t think we’d be interested in seeing photos of sexy singles, so you’ll have to buy the paper to see the damage. But this did catch our eye (italics ours):

Lindsay Megraw

Age: 29
Job: Nanny.
Marital status: Single.
Neighborhood: West Chester.
Number of children: None. [...]
Secretly lusts for: Phillies pitcher Pat Burrell.

I believe that’s what we call a swing and a miss.

Update, 2:38 p.m.: Since this has been posted, (1) the incorrect position for Pat Burrell has been fixed and (2) photos have been uploaded. Huzzah.

Sexy & Single [Daily News]
LF Pat Burrell [Phillies.com]