Goodbye, Pat; Welcome, Raul

The blogs have written their goodbyes and the newspapers have done their farewells; with last week’s signing of Raul Ibanez (at right, missing a homer), Pat Burrell is officially done as a member of the Phillies.

It’s funny to remember how much people wanted Burrell out of here just a few years ago; the sting of his one really bad season (2003, when he hit .209) lasted ’til only very recently. But he was a good sport in Philadelphia, and got one base a ton. Somehow that’s still an underrated part of a baseball player’s game, and the Phillies will miss it.

Now that I’ve covered Burrell, let me commence with the bashing of the Raul Ibanez deal. He’s essentially the same player as Burrell, only several years older. He’ll be 39 at the end of this 3-year, $30 million deal. The Phillies could have had Pat Burrell for a one-year deal. A wise man once said: “I’d sign almost anyone to a one-year deal. I mean, shit, you signed Tom Gordon to a three-year deal worth almost $20 million, and he was a retired 53-year-old jazz saxophonist at the time.” Do we need to start calling the Phillies cheap again?

Keith Law (who says the deal is absurd) writes that Ibanez’s defense is even worse than Burrell’s, and the only year he hit lefthanders was 2008. Oh, yes, Ibanez is also a lefty, to go along with Howard and Utley. I see no reason to sign an older version of Burrell who has even more downside than Pat the Bat.

On the plus side, it’s good to know we’re all still able to complain about the Phillies again.

Update: CHAN HO PARK!!

Burrell Bomb Dropped Into Flowers

Pat Burrell sometimes comes to the plate while Dirty Laundry” plays; after he homered last night to give the Phillies a 3-2 lead, the PA played “You Dropped a Bomb on Me.” Apparently, music about Pat Burrell can only be from 1982.

The best part of Burrell’s homer, though, was watching the fans dive into the flower bed above the left field wall to retrieve the ball, as frightened fans looked on. That one kid’s pretty well hidden! I bet he could have hung out there for the day and popped up in time to watch Game 2.

Pat Burrell: New Phillies Hero

You do that celebratory spit, Pat Burrell! Pat the Bat hit a three-run homer, and Jayson Werth hit a solo shot right after him. Jimmy Rollins homered to lead off the game, and it’s 5-0, Phillies, after five innings. LET’S GO PHILS!

Sarah Palin. To Watch Debate. At Irish Pub.

Art from Foobooz passes along this information, another in a recent string of events in Philadelphia that are just so perfect it’s like somebody’s planting news stories for local bloggers to make jokes about.

So, yes, the headline is correct: Sarah Palin is tentatively watching the debate at Irish Pub tomorrow night. If you need to ask which one, just think: Which one could attract a crowd that would vote for John McCain, and which one is in the Gayborhood?

Fox 29 reports Palin is currently in “an unspecified location in our area.” Pat Burrell will, unfortunately, be unable to attend the Irish Pub soiree, as the Phils have a game. Oh, Burrell/Irish Pub jokes never get old.

This Week’s Sign Of The Apocalypse [Foobooz]

Manny Being Philly?

Every year, Manny Ramirez says he’s tired of playing for the Boston Red Sox, and every year the hometown TV station of the Sox (ESPN) treats it as if the Holy Ghost were divorcing God and Jesus.

It took a while for things to get rolling this year, but now we’re in full Manny-leaving-the-Red Sox watch. This year, as usual, all the reporters say this is the year the Sox will finally trade Ramirez. SI.com’s Jon Heyman reports it’s down to the Phillies and the Marlins in the Man-Ram trade sweepstakes.

The Phillies have downplayed the possibility of acquiring Ramirez in media reports but haven’t ruled it out entirely. If outfielder Pat Burrell isn’t involved in the trade, one question would be whether Ramirez or Burrell could play right field for Philadelphia.

An early version of the story suggested the Phils could swap Burrell for Ramirez, straight-up, free agent-to-be for free agent-to-be. (Ramirez has two option years left on his contract, but Heyman writes he would likely want those to be dropped if he were to be traded.) Seems like a strange idea — and one that could backfire. A trade making the Phillies’ outfield the worst defensive OF in history but a lineup of Rollins-Utley-Howard-Ramirez-Burrell would be absolutely outofsight.

In closing: Ramirez won’t be traded (as usual).

Update: Ken Rosenthal with the hilarious trade:

The Phillies might take Ramirez, major-league sources say, but only if the deal were a “giveaway” — say, outfielder Geoff Jenkins and a fringe prospect. The Red Sox could not make such a deal without hurting their team unless they acquired a slugger such as the Pirates’ Jason Bay or Reds’ Adam Dunn in a separate trade.

He also writes the Mets have the best shot. Oh, goodie.

Marlins join Phillies atop Manny sweepstakes [SI.com]

The Audacity Of Hype: Vote Burrell Into ASG

The All-Star teams were announced yesterday, and the Phillies have two on it: starting 2B Chase Utley (the highest vote-getter among all NL players) and reliever Brad Lidge. But the Fightins can get one more onto the team, as none other than Pat Burrell is in the “final five” fan voting.

We did this a few years back and got Bobby Abreu onto the team. Now it is time to do so for Pat Burrell. One can either vote online or text N1 to 36197. The Fightins has more.

It is all up to us now. This is by far the biggest election we’ll have this year. Vote Burrell!

Pat Burrell’s Man-Purse

From a Phillies.com mailbag column:

I was watching an interview with Chase Utley, and at the end he said Pat Burrell owns a man purse. From your knowledge of the team, have you seen Burrell strutting around with a nice gator skin man purse? — Kyle M., Pitman, N.J.

In seven years of being around Burrell, I have yet to see Burrell with a man purse of any kind, and I don’t plan on asking him or Utley about it. That said, Utley ought to know, don’t you think?

Citizens of Philadelphia who frequent the Irish Pub, we eagerly await your report.

Burrell Finally Proves Model Correct!

Hey, remember this? The above CG image was the model of Citizens Bank Park, created before the stadium even had a corporate sponsor — hence the blue logo for the stadium’s name. If you look on the big screen you’ll see the phrase, “HOME RUN, Pat Burrell! PHILS WIN!”

Well, Pat Burrell never had a walkoff home run in Citizens Bank Park; he hadn’t had a walkoff homer since 2002. Until last night, that is. The Fightins trailed by a run on an Aaron Rowand homer in the top of the 10th, but Burrell won it with a 3-2 line drive homer into the left field seats.

Redlasso video of the homer after the jump courtesy of The 700 Level.

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Howard Nearly Runs Down Utley In Win

The best part of last night’s Phillies game was not Pat Burrell’s game-winning double, though that was pretty awesome, too. And it wasn’t the female streaker, since the TV didn’t show that — and she kept her bra on, anyway. (Okay, the female streaker is pretty cool, also.)

No, it was Ryan Howard running just a half-step behind Chase Utley as they both rounded third, looking to grab the go-ahead and insurance runs from the Colorado Rockies. Because Burrell’s hit could have been caught, Utley held up at second and Howard went all the way near the bag; once it dropped, both sprinted for home plate like it was that one scene from Rookie of the Year.

The Phillies are finally above .500 (they’re 11-10) and swept the Rockies in a two-game series. Video of the game-winning hit and hilarious basepath action after the jump.

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If Ryan Howard Joins The Media, He’ll Be Dead To Pat Burrell

One of my first editors back in college now works at the New York Daily News and interviewed Ryan Howard for his Touching Base blog.

Here’s the relevant info, about whether Howard (a communications major at Missouri State) would join the media one day:

Touching Base: Do you think you’ll be in the media someday?

Ryan Howard: Maybe, hopefully down the road.
Pat Burrell (grabbing something from his adjacent locker): You’ll lose one friend.
RH: (Laughing)… maybe when my career’s over. (Still laughing)… did you hear that, Jenks?
Geoff Jenkins (at his locker on the other side): I don’t even want to know.
RH: He said, “Do you think that you’ll be in the media, maybe sometime down the road?” I said, “Maybe one day.” Burrell’s like, “Yeah, you’ll lose one friend.” (Laughs) That’s (messed) up!

Incredibly (messed) up! Man, I can’t wait for the Ryan Howard/Jared The Subway Guy Morning Show after he retires, though.

Nine Innings: Ryan Howard [New York Daily News]