Larry West Buys A Kilt!

I have attempted to make Philadelphia Will Do your #1 source for Larry West news ever since he randomly showed up at the Milton Street concert/mayoral rally and told everyone he was running for mayor.

Anyway, we now have perhaps the biggest Larry West development yet, as he notes on his blog that he has purchased a kilt.

West writes that he “fucking hate[s] pants” — he drops a Simpsons quote in his post title — and explains the beauty of owning a kilt:

Most men wear boxers for the comfort and feeling of freedom, something we really get to enjoy when we wear shorts in the summer. Otherwise, we wear pants. Tight, restricting, horrible pants. Fuck ‘em! Well, a kilt is better. I had on my boxers, I put a kilt on over them, and my god… paradise! PAR-A-DISE! Walking around the house, feeling free.. my god, FREEDOM!!!!

We then learn West is considering wearing long johns to prevent accidental exposure while donning a kilt. (A recommendation: Boxer briefs! Or, rather, those Jockey mid-rise briefs. Best underwear ever.)

I shall continue delving into Larry West wardrobe news as it develops.

Don’t You Hate Pants? [Angry, Young, And Poor]

Don’t Be Caught With Your Pants Down

The Will Do Tumblr is just going to be quick links and stupid photos and one-liners; shorter stuff than what’s here. (Don’t worry; I’m far too lazy to change anything here.) Anyway, sometimes I’ll have to share things, like the above infographic from the Detroit Free Press.

“Some people call it a fad,” [Police Chief David] Dicks told the Free Press this week while patrolling the streets of Flint. “But I believe it’s a national nuisance. It is indecent and thus it is indecent exposure, which has been on the books for years.”

On June 27, the chief issued a departmental memorandum telling officers: “This immoral self expression goes beyond freedom of expression.” The crime, he says, is disorderly conduct or indecent exposure, both misdemeanors punishable by 93 days to a year in jail and/or fines up to $500.

Immoral self expression. That’s what they called another “fad,” pogs, too. And you know how much damage they did to our society.

Oh, and this:

Dan Henson knows all about the style of sagging. He’s a manager at Mr. Alan’s clothing store in Hamtramck and a former sagger himself. He said customers frequently come in to buy large-fitting pants that sag.

“I stopped when I was around 21,” he said of wearing his pants low.

I assume if this were on TV, the graphic would read, “Dan Henson. Former Sagger.”

Thanks, RJ

Naked Teen Also Has Slits In Side Of Thighs

Yesterday, a teen boy — who just so happened to be naked, a la the slippery guy from that famous Philadelphia COPS episode — accidentally shot himself. Whoops!

Here’s what happened: The 17-year-old was screwing a 14-year-old girl when three of the girl’s cousins came into the house. Somehow, the boy didn’t make all his fantasies come true — well, if the cousins were girls, I dunno — and got into an argument with the three cousins. Then came, uh, the part I don’t quite get.

The situation came to a head when the naked boy retrieved a handgun from his pants nearby. “He waved it around and said, ‘I should shoot all three of you,’ ” said Lt. John Walker, of Southwest Detectives.

But the false bravado didn’t serve the teen well. “He subsequently attempted to put the weapon back into his pocket, pulled the trigger and shot himself in the leg,” Walker said.

Now… did he put his pants back on? Did he attempt to put the gun back in the pants on the back of a chair or whereever? Did he attempt to put the gun back into the pants that weren’t on his leg? Details, people, details.

Oh, this story also has a premature ejaculation joke about a 17-year-old, so at least that part of the it is accurate.

Naked teen: ‘I should shoot . . . you’ [Daily News]

State Court: Not Wearing Pants In Hotel Room Not A Crime

You read the headline right. The state Superior Court ruled yesterday that not wearing pants in a hotel room is not against the law. Or not enough for probable cause, at least.

Here’s the story: In January 2005, Ahmad Bebee was sentenced to 5 to 10 years in prison on a cocaine dealing charge. Police caught him when they received an anonymous tip in July 2004 that Bebee was with an underage girl at the Neshaminy Motor Inn. Police announced their arrival and Bebee opened the door without any pants on.

Police entered the room, and that’s when they found the coke. Oh, and they found a 16-year-old girl. In a room with a man then in his late 20s with no pants. Somehow, the coke charge trumped that and Bebee was never charged with any sex crimes.

But, after appealing, the court found Bebee’s fourth amendment rights were violated. The state court wrote:

Moreover, that fact that Appellant was half-naked when he first opened the door was not, as the trial court suggests, indicative of criminal activity; people often remove their clothes inside of motel rooms.

The officers didn’t see him doing anything illegal, they just saw a man naked from the waist down. The court has said that doesn’t rise to the level of reasonable suspicion that criminal activity is occurring.

You know I always thought answering the door with no pants was a crime, but apparently you can even do it to the police! This is a great country.

Charges dropped in case of half-naked suspect [Bucks County Courier Times]
Photo via some dude’s Livejournal