Terrell Owens Tells Hilarious Jokes

Noted awesome former Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens just signed a brand new contract. He’s going to celebrate by helping new teammate Pacman Jones by telling an off-color joke, to get the heat off him:

Terrell Owens has an idea for keeping his new teammate Adam “Pacman” Jones out of trouble.

Owens, who is being recognized this summer as an Alzheimer’s Association Champion for his work for the foundation, says Jones — who was suspended from the NFL after a series of arrests, including one stemming from a shootout at a Las Vegas strip club — should join him in his charity work.

“I hope we can get him affected by [Alzheimer's] just a little bit so he can forget about those strip clubs,” Owens joked in an interview with ABC News Radio.

Oh, TO. Another one of your hilarious Alzheimer’s jokes. That’s a good way to get people riled up — something you like to do, apparently — and make everyone forget about Pacman Jones’ strip club visits.

Owens Embraces Troubled Teammate ‘Pacman’ [ABC News]

Commish’s Crime Plan Costs 25 Cents

New Philadelphia Police Commissioner Charles Ramsey has released his crime plan, and it’s sensible-sounding, at least at first glance.

He wants more cops on the street, fewer homicides, lawful stop-and-frisk techniques in high-crime areas. He also wants to work with the community. (Here’s a summary, .pdf format.) And, in case you’re wondering, Segways are mentioned. Yes!

There are also charts and graphs, which you can see from my (slightly edited) copy of a pie-chart at right. If Pac-Man can just eat enough of those big pellets and chase down flashing blue homicide suspects, maybe we can have a crime reduction in this city after all.

PPD’s Crime-Fighting Strategy, .pdf

The Pa. LCB: Annoying You Since 1932

As you can tell from the promotional photo for the PLCB I swiped from gophila.com, Pennsylvanians have a deep love for their Liquor Control Board. How else to explain the 75th anniversary celebration for something called the Liquor Control Board?

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Adwatch: Death Of A Governor?!

Ah, yes, we move into the exciting third day of Adwatch. So far we’ve done ads attacking Lois Murphy (by the Republican National Congressional Committee) and Rick Santorum (by a pro-Little League Bob Casey), and today we’ll all take a look at one of Lynn Swann’s latest ads.

Despite his pedigree as a football player and a football sideline reporter, it appears Swann isn’t going to take the Pennsylvania election this year. Ed Rendell is leading by, uh, lots and lots of points in the polls, and Swann will end up doing TV analysis of Steelers games or something come late November. That hasn’t stopped him from continuing to take to the airwaves, however. After the jump, his Rendell attack ad.

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Pa. Laws Prevent Pac-Tragedy

Video game maker Namco recently opened up an online store, Club Namco, that attempts to cater to irony-obsessed youths who wish to purchase t-shirts with Pac-Man and Pole Position on them, despite probably never having played the games. (I was awesome at Pole Position, for the record.)

Anyway, despite the fact the store offers shirts and plush toys, you can only buy the former, since the shirts are made in Japan and were only tested to meet federal guidelines. Pennsylvania is one of several states that has more restrictive stuffed-toy regulations than the government.

I, for one, would like to thank our state legislators for stopping these evil Pac-Man plush toys from making it into our fair state. I haven’t quite been able to figure out what state regulations are stricter than the governments, but according to the official regulations of Pennsylvania, stuffed toys can contain no more than 1.0% urea. How else do you think Pac-Man gets his color?

Frankly, they could be dangerous otherwise — I mean, do you really want a stuffed Pac-Toy gobbling up dots and chasing ghosts after chomping on an even bigger dot? I think not. It’s good to know our we have laws.

Pac-Man Plush Cushion [Club Namco]
Club Namco open for business [Gamespot via Joystiq]
Stuffed Toy Licensing and Labeling Laws [Toy Industry Association]