Scan Your Arm, Buy Some Wine

The Inquirer asked wine lovers what they thought of the LCB’s forthcoming supermarket wine kiosks. Not surprisingly, these oenophiles — I spelled it right the first time! — are not happy with Pennsylvania’s plans.

Wait, what? No, really: The subhead says wine lovers are “appalled.” And here is some evidence:

Randy Torban of ClassicWines.com, a Pennsylvania-based Internet clearinghouse for learning about and buying wine, put it this way: “When people buy their wine, they expect a small touch of class to be involved. You don’t get that from a machine.” [...]

“It’s silly, and it’s gimmicky,” said Daniel Donahoe, a former wine and spirits retailer who now produces wines in California’s Sonoma County.

These guys know this idea is for Pennsylvania, right? Nobody’s wondering if the sometimes surly, sometimes chipper woman selling us wine and occasionally checking our ID is going to recommend something better than the Yellow Tail we just grabbed off the rack when we’re late for a party.

But no matter. The Inquirer acquired one of the wine kiosk proposals, which would include “opaque windows [that] would prevent minors from viewing the bottles.” Oh, and you’d have to give away your DNA in order to buy from the vending machine:

To use the machines, customers would have to register at the supermarket with the help of a Liquor Control Board employee. The registration would include providing fingerprints and a valid credit card, and allowing an infrared arm scan.

After that, users could go to any machine and place their arm and hand on a sensor. Once their identity was verified and the machine determined they were not intoxicated, the glass would clear and they could make their selection, which would arrive in a sealed package.

Oh, yes, I am expecting Pennsylvania’s residents to eagerly line up to have their arms scanned so they can buy wine at the same place they buy milk. Actually, this could be a pretty good test to see what people will put up with in order to buy alcohol.

Convenience, LCB-style Editor’s Note: ERROR. DIVIDE BY ZERO. [Inquirer]

Advanced Robots To Sell Wine — In Pa.

Recently, the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board — which, if you didn’t know, some people think should be abolished — announced it was seeking proposals for several hundred wine kiosks in Pennsylvania. The kiosks would be placed in (get this!) grocery stores and malls.

Yes, it’s a step forward, and a surprising one from the LCB. And check out this technology!

The kiosk has security identification measures such as fingerprints and biometric readings, he said. Users would have to register and purchases would have to be made with credit card, debit card or PLCB gift card.

Oh, boy, I can’t wait to have to register and get fingerprinted to buy wine. Sigh. One step forward, two steps back.

Pennsylvania wants to sell wine in kiosks [AP]
A wine vending machine? Pennsylvania could see them soon [Dr. Vino's Wine Blog]
Thanks, Rob!

Del. Wine Store Is Against Speakeasies

The Inquirer today has a story about Pennsylvania residents illegally crossing into New Jersey and Delaware to buy liquor. Because of the tax still levied on alcohol from the 1936 Johnstown flood — which the state is apparently still devastated from — alcohol is much more expensive in the Keystone State than elsewhere.

Technically, it’s illegal to buy liquor in a neighboring state and bring it back into Pennsylvania. But how likely are you to be caught? Well, only 11 people were cited in Pennsylvania last year for illegally importing alcohol.

The manager of Total Wine and More, in Delaware, says he’s just making a living. But, hey, he doesn’t sell to Al Capone and his cronies!

“We don’t knowingly sell to speakeasies and restaurants because we don’t condone that at all,” Grunes said.

The state won’t ever repeal the law because it brings in a million billion dollars a year, which the state legislators then spend on themselves.

Crossing the border with booze not exactly a high-profile crime [Inquirer]
[Image of L.C. Bee]

Pa. Lawmaker Makes Firm Stand Against Crackers ‘N’ Beer

Yesterday, Pennsylvania lawmakers debated whether the state should allow beer sales in grocery stores. What? Oh, happy day! Surely we’ll soon be riding our hoverboards to the food store, purchasing moon soda and delicious, delicious beer.

The hearings yesterday — a joint session of the House and Senate, which means both parts of our bicameral legislature do something right once in a while — arose after a Sheetz convenience store in Altoona received a license to sell beer. It was challenged by the same people who testified at the hearing yesterday: Beer distributors. (Of course.) Distributors don’t want to lose beer sales to grocery stores, Wawas, whatever.

But everyone at the hearing agreed it’s wrong to sell beer next to milk, because… uh, I dunno.

So will we soon be able to buy a six pack at the Whole Foods or even a K-Mart? Not if House liquor control board chair Robert Donatucci has his way:

“We might want to prevent the Wal-Marts and Targets of the world [from getting licenses to sell beer],” Donatucci said. “I’m a firm believer the cashier should not be selling crackers and beer at the same time.”

Yeah! You tell ‘em, Bobby! If you want to eat crackers and beer, you gotta purchase them separately! It’s good to see a lawmaker who’s not afraid of standing up for what he believes in.

Milk, bread, eggs and … beer? [Bucks Co. Courier Times]