Count on the former more than the latter

I have just the role! Herbie The Love Bug 2! It can’t miss.

The alterna-joke here was Freakier Friday.

Lohan Says She’d Do Nude Scene For Oscar [AP/NBC 10]

Leftovers: Hey, Mussolini made the trains run on time

• Inquirer writer Marc Narducci pats the 90 percent of Phillies fans that like Chris Wheeler least among the announcers on the head and says, “No, sorry, he’s the man!” Coming up next from Narducci, a stunning defense of Ryan Seacrest. (”No, he’s really not a tool!”) [Inky]

• For you Crash-haters — I’m sort of on the fence — Google has confirmed what you’re thinking. As we all know, Google knows all. [Corporate Casual via Gawker]

• The readers wrote in, and Faye Flam responded with more G-spot goodness! And, yes, the article contains this sentence: “If the vagina is the Amtrak’s Northeast corridor, which starts in Washington, tell your man to stop shooting straight for Springfield, Mass., and try spending more time in Philly.” Even sex is all about Philly right now! [Inky]

• What does the Academy share with Rick Santorum? They’re both a little squeamish when two dudes make out. [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

• Remind me never to argue over e-mail with Joe Rogan. [Best Week Ever Blog]

• And, naturally, NBC has shut down all the sites hosting the Natalie Portman gangster rap. They have it on their own site, though, but it’s not working for me. Erhm. [NBC.com]

Quickies: Jeff and T.O., together again

• If the Eagles sign Jeff Garcia before they cut Terrell Owens, the Birds could actually have Garcia and Owens on the team at the same time. Owens, you’ll remember, called Garcia gay two years ago. Then he held him by his ankles and dunked his head in a toilet. (Also, please ignore NBC 10’s poll asking if there will be a quarterback controversy if the Eagles sign Garcia. Yes, Jeff Garcia, who last quarterbacked the mighty Detroit Lions and the even mightier Cleveland Browns, is going to unseat McNabb. Sigh.) [NBC 10]

• Here’s a tip for those who get arrested for reckless driving: Don’t tell the cops you have weapons and explosives and you’ll be picking them up after work. Might want to keep that in mind. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Missed the Oscars? There’s some liveblogging goodness over here. [promohthree]

• Strange: The press’ inability to write something about drugs without going over the top and trusting the government 100 percent. Stranger: Jack Shafer writing that the Inquirer is a “top newspaper.” Rimshot. [Slate]

• An auto accident somehow turned into an off-duty cop killing a guy at a Willow Grove train station. Whatever happened to exchanging information? [KYW 1060]

Crashing the Oscars!

First off, this must be known: Crash winning Best Picture is nowhere near as bad as Gladiator winning back in 2001. Yes, it was the worst of the five films nominated and ranked about 25 spots below Batman Begins on the top movies of the year list. But no matter: Despite its hit-you-over-the-head with-a-giant-mallet theme of “racism is bad” and “boy we sure are all different and similar at the same time,” it was still an enjoyable two hours. It’s not like Son of the Mask won Best Picture. (By the way, Mask was screwed out of the Worst Picture Razzie.)

The highlight of Oscar night was the misspelling of Will Ferrell’s name on the giant marquee above the stage, and also Ben Stiller’s worst presenting speech ever, where he said “I’m blowing Spielberg’s mind!” and the camera caught Steven going “No you’re not.” Of course, don’t feel bad for Stiller, since he gets to go home and sleep on his bed of money.

As noted by Jon Stewart, the happiest people last night were Three 6 Mafia, who represented Philly as much as Will Smith (despite being from Memphis) and won Best Original Song for their song “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp.” Hey, that’s pretty progressive for mainstream hip hop.

Also entertaining was Reese Witherspoon’s line that she was trying to just make films that matter to someone. I think it’s safe to say that she was talking about Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde.

It is always fun to look and see what movies winners did before they made their big movies, although it will be hard to top Jamie Foxx, who won for Ray last year, which is his second-best film behind Booty Call. And so this year, we remember George Clooney’s The Peacemaker, Rachel Weisz’ The Mummy and its sequel and Witherspoon’s Legally Blonde and its sequel. Phillip Seymour Hoffman, winner for Best Actor, has decided to do his best movie next, when he’ll star opposite Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible III. Sigh.

Oh, yeah, and Jon Stewart wasn’t bad. But, clearly, not as good as he was as an evil alien teacher who tries to kill Frodo Baggins in The Faculty.

We Are All In This Thing Together: Liveblogging The Oscars [Defamer]
‘Crash’ burns ‘Brokeback’ [DN]

Sam Alito, Phillies fan

Ahh, I know that some of you must be bummed today as Sam Alito was confirmed for the Supreme Court. Yeah, yeah, he’s a conservative and you’re liberal, yadda yadda abortion presidential power blah blah blah. (I know you think I’m neglecting my readers who may come from a conservative standpoint, thinking they’d be celebrating Alito’s confirmation. Perhaps. But evidence shows that today conservatives — at least on conservablog The Corner — are complaining about the Oscar nominations. Strange world.)

But I digress. I, for one, celebrate this man’s nomination. Uhm, hello, he’s from the Philly area? We always support our own. I know, I know, maybe he doesn’t really jive with all my values — and he doesn’t — but that’s okay.

You see, Sam Alito is a Phillies fan. And what do the Phillies do? They disappoint you over and over and over again. I mean, Alito even got former Phillies pitcher (and senator) Jim Bunning’s autograph. And Bunning was on the 1964 team, which had the biggest collapse in sports history. Sam Alito may very well be the combination of Gene Mauch, Mitch Williams, Danny Tartabull and Randy Ready all in one.

As such, I expect conservative Sam Alito fans to feel just like Phils fans year after year after year… the only question is, can Supreme Court decisions be decided by a vote of 86-76 (and just miss the wild card)?

Alito Is Confirmed for Supreme Court in 58-42 Vote [New York Times]
RE: OSCARZZZZZZ [The Corner]
Philadelphia Phillies Team Index [Baseball-Reference.com]

Quickies: Best and worst

• Hey, the little gay movie that could Brokeback Mountain got eight Oscar nominations. Although Crash — which was just okay — got six nominations, so who know what these things are worth nowadays. [AP via Philly.com]

• In a list of award nominations that are totally accurate, Son of the Mask got a whopping eight Razzie noms. Upper Darby’s own Jamie Kennedy cries a single tear. [AP via CNN.com]

• With Lynn Swann proving to be a tougher-than-expected challenger for Gov. Ed Rendell, the downside for Pennsylvania Republicans is a larger turnout in Southeastern Pennsylvania, which means more Democrats at the polls. And those are just the live ones! (Rimshot.) [Washington Post]

• Okay, somebody fess up: Needles in food products in a Lehigh Valley supermarket? What the hell? Who even has time to mess around with pranks like that when there’s so much to do…. in Beth..lehem… okay, maybe it makes sense. [AP via Philly.com]