Philly.com Front, Noted

Is everything on the front page of Philly.com right now awesome? No. But a lot of it totally is, and I’d like to note it.

First, up top, is Jenice Armstrong’s column about Oprah’s weight. Recently, she said she’s back up to 200 pounds and feels really fat. Oh no! Perhaps she can bathe herself with her millions of dollars to feel better.

This column: Not bad, actually. I know, I know, I go out of my way to try not to praise anything here, but I’m down with this sentiment:

Just because she’s one of the most phenomenal women on the planet doesn’t mean that she doesn’t carry around baggage like the rest of us. Who doesn’t have a weakness? Even President-elect Barack Obama, who is legendary for sticking to his workout routine, has admitted to sneaking a cigarette occasionally. Maybe once he’s in the White House, the Secret Service will catch him slipping into the Rose Garden for a furtive puff on days when the Nicorette isn’t enough.

The “Is Obama still a smoker?” is pretty much my favorite story right now, even moreso than the “Is Obama a U.S. citizen?” lawsuit. A lot of people are really, really angry about this. Haven’t those people seen the commercial? Frankly, I think a cigarette-smoking Barack Obama would be a better president: Calmer, not subject to nicotine fits, et cetera. I mean, if you were Barack Obama, right now, wouldn’t you be a bit nervous about becoming president next month? It might make you want a cigarette.

But let’s move on. Annette John-Hall, Inquirer columnist, you’re up. Conveniently, you also wrote about Oprah.

Given everything she’s done for the world, should we really care whether Oprah is counting calories?

Uhh, yes. Oprah should totally not be allowed to get fat on our watch.

Later, we learn this:

“They wanted to widen the view of beauty because the view was so myopic,” says Jess Weiner, 35, the workshop facilitator, whose official title is Dove Global Ambassador.

And this:

According to a Dove survey of girls across the country, Philly ranks among the top 10 cities with the highest percentage of teens acting out: bullying, cutting, smoking and drinking - mostly because they feel bad about themselves.

Let’s forget about the probably arbitrariness of this survey, this ranking system, whatever. Can you believe it: A newspaper writing about root causes of bad behavior! Holy crap, I thought that went away decades ago with the rise of people (e.g. all of our presidents since Reagan) who believed in good and evil and that was that. Wow, you learn something every day.

Moving on to the bobcat-bites-Santa story:

Kerr said the woman told her Benny was a pixie-bob, a domesticated cat that bears some resemblance to its wild kin. But a pixie-bob breeder in Orlando, after looking at the picture of Benny with Santa, dismissed that assertion.

“That’s no pixie-bob,” said Shari Fedewa, who owns Florida Pixie-Bobs, “The head’s all wrong. And from the picture, you can tell it’s got jungle in it. That looks like a real bobcat to me.”

Florida Pixie-Bobs and Dove Global Ambassadors: Two new never-before used tags on Philadelphia Will Do.

Also, will I ever get tired of the phrase “Inquirer Love Columnist? No. No I will not.