Philadelphia Will Do  
Tag » OMG « Home

Eagles Are Playoff Bound!

Can you believe it?! Watch Jeffrey Lurie hit his wife in the face above (via Philly SportsCast) and check out Tony Romo lying on the ground after turning the ball over (via The 700 Level) and then get up and celebrate, because the Eagles are going to the playoffs! Unbelievable.

Give This The Pulitzer

121108roddyb.jpg Does it get any better than these courtroom sketches of Rod Blagojevich? Why yes, yes it does, in the form of a Chicago Sun-Times story headlined, “Is Blago’s hair a sign of sickness?

Gov. Blagojevich’s glossy locks — perfectly sculpted in rain or snow — may be an indication of a sickness beneath his scalp, said one local psychologist.

“It’s all part of managing his image, managing his image of being without a blemish, without a flaw,” said Scott Ambers, who has practiced clinical psychology in the city for more than two decades.

The story simply ends with this: “HAIRBRAINED?” Just like that, in all caps. I’m just going to keep reading this story over and over and over ’til I stop laughing, which hasn’t happened yet.

Is Blago’s hair a sign of sickness? [Chicago Sun-Times]
Thanks, Vernon

The Philadelphia Of Allan Felder Is No More, People

I’ve been trying to parse this letter to the editor from Friday’s Daily News for a while now with no luck.

I am not entirely convinced it is real. I now share my thoughts with you.

THERE WAS a time when Philadelphia was among the great cities, full of charm and class.

And that time was: 1640. I have on my desk the text of a letter to the editor to the Public Ledger in 1850 complaining about residents from other cities bashing Philadelphia (specifically, calling it “The Murder City”). As you can see, nothing is different in Philadelphia now.

Growing up, I thought I lived in a terrific city with endless possibilities, and I couldn’t wait to grow up and raise a family here. Ten years later, the only thing I can’t wait to do is leave this wretched city.

Ten years? Seriously, nothing major happened from 1998-2008 that seriously made the city worse, unless you count the election of John Street. Which, eh, isn’t really a reason to leave Philadelphia and certainly didn’t make this city any more wretched.

Every day, I read to see who was killed, robbed or victimized by the shameless criminals who find solace in harming others. I then move on to see what new budget cut is under way and think of all the dropouts and criminals that will emerge as a result.

Ohhh, so that’s you in the comments!

I wonder, though: How bad can it possibly be when the most horrible thing that’s happened to you so far is “My experience was not as good as it could have been, because all the news I specifically searched out was kinda sad.”

So far, so good. Typical media-influenced exaggeration of crime in a big American city. Nothing out of the ordinary, except for the attention paid to root causes. (Uhh, what reader cares about that?) Here’s where I start to think the letter is fake:

Paranoia sets in, and I frantically lock all my doors and windows, double-check the alarm and read online for new ways to protect against thieves. Instead of looking my best, I opt for a style that says “bargain” as opposed to designer labels, as not to propagate the idea that I can provide a “come up” for the next man.

I must leave Philadelphia because I cannot dress well enough!

I really need to find out the URL of that Lifehacker-type blog that’s about thief protection. Man, one can scarcely count the recent innovations in that field!

I find myself running to the car, to the house, in and out of stores, constantly looking around me. What has this city become if this is what its residents have to do to feel safe?

No one’s saying this city is Lovely Fun Time Paradise, a place I just made up. But as long as you’re relatively not stupid, you can stroll along the streets of even the toughest neighborhood without being disturbed. (And where exactly does this person live? Not West Kensington, I bet.)

Why should I have to limit my outside activity in fear of falling victim to the evils of the streets? Instead of saying, “Hi” to strangers in passing, I look at them, as well as my neighbors, with the same distrustful and cautious eye. Where is the brotherly love or sisterly affection in any of these actions?

How, exactly, is it the fault of Philadelphia or of criminals that this person is rude to her neighbors and strangers? Look, I don’t really greet strangers on the street — I’m sure I’d hate them — but somehow the level of violence in Philadelphia does not prevent me from saying hello to the people in my building or the man with the martini glass who sits out front of Louis Kahn’s house or the nice old woman who lives next to my parents in the Northeast or even the guy on the other side of my parents rowhome because none of them are out to harm me and I can’t believe I’m even arguing with this stupid letter to the editor on this hypercritical Philadelphia blog.

As I read about all of the Philadelphia music greats, I imagine what it was like during the days of Philadelphia International that my uncle, songwriter Allan Felder, loved so much. I wonder what it was like to live here when artistry and love existed.

Allan Felder? Really? Didn’t he write a ton of disco songs? Anyway, man, sometimes I imagine what it was like when my uncle — who once entered (and maybe won?) a John Kruk lookalike contest — lived in Philadelphia.

Philadelphia International Records was founded in 1971. Coincidentally, Frank Rizzo was elected mayor that year. WHAT A TIME OF LOVE IT WAS IN PHILADELPHIA!

As hard as I try, I can’t imagine this city, laden with crime, poverty, despair and negativity, ever being a city of hope or love. I’m not sure where the great Philadelphia went, but I am sure that when I’m done my doctorate, I’ll be looking for a better life, away from this Philadelphia.

And here is the exciting conclusion, where we find out that our writer is going for her doctorate. And, after bashing the city for several paragraphs, complains about the negativity. There is absolutely no way this letter is real. None. This is faker than a 100 million Northeast Times letters.

WIP: Marvin Harrison Investigated In Shooting


Hey, we Philadelphia fans may have a bad reputation — and some Philly athletes don’t exactly have stellar resumes — but at least we have Marvin Harrison, eh? Roman Catholic guy (the school), really nice guy, everybody likes him.

Oh. A report on 610 WIP (I know! Something notable!) says Harrison is being investigated for a shooting outside his North Philadelphia bar, Playmakers — note: no one has been able to confirm the existence of this actual bar — on Tuesday.

The source said the alleged victim came into the bar, Playmakers, around 5 p.m. and engaged in an argument with Harrison, who was at the bar. The victim then left the bar, heading to his car, with Harrison following. Gunfire broke out, the victim was hit in the hand, and a young girl was slightly injured by flying glass from a car that apparently was hit by a bullet.

Police came to scene, but the victim did not identify a shooter. On Wednesday, according to the source, ballistic tests showed that the gun that had fired the shots was a custom-made Belgian weapon, and police determined that Harrison owned such a gun.

Police then went to a Philadelphia car wash owned by Harrison to question him about the gun. Harrison admitted owning such a weapon, but claimed it never left his suburban Philadelphia home. However, the source said the gun was discovered in a bucket at the car wash, and tests showed that it had fired seven bullets that matched those found at the scene.

Seriously? Wow. When a friend first IMed me with “Marvin Harrison???” I thought the Eagles had just traded for him.

Bump up Reggie Wayne and Anthony Gonzales on your fantasy football cheatsheets.

Update: Dave Schratweiser on Fox 29 reports just now the police have no suspects, although Marvin Harrison was questioned. And they showed the bar on TV, so we now know it exists, and is at 25th and Thompson.

Report: Harrison investigated in shooting outside bar []

Mascot Monday Returns… On CBS 3!

If you’ve been reading this site for a while, you may remember Mascot Monday, the Good Day Philadelphia segment where the anchors danced with mascots. (All of the old clips have been taken down by noted fascists YouTube, it seems.) The last Mascot Monday that we have data for took place on July 17, 2006.

But never fear! As you can see above, CBS 3 today launched Phunky Phanatic Phriday, where each week an anchor will dance with the Phillie Phanatic. The greatest Mascot Monday of all time featured the Phillie Phanatic, so it’s not a bad one to get, uh, inspiration from.

In the first episode, sports anchor Ukee Washington dances with the Phanatic and an “assistant,” Amanda. At the end of the month, you’ll get to vote on which anchor gets to dance on top of the dugout with the Phanatic. There… really are no words. Maybe “mascot dancing” is a typical part of a morning show now, like weather and sports. Seriously, what the phuck?