Developing: Michael Phelps Still Awesome

This morning CNN gave the “developing story” banner to one Michael Phelps, who was taking questions. Frankly, I can’t believe this didn’t get breaking news treatment. CNN ought to be ashamed.

A larger screencap of CNN’s front page

This Is One Way To Put It

This is the strangest way possible to headline a story about a local Olympian who won a gold medal.

Local Olympian Stops Rowing Before End Of Race [NBC 10]

Texting Her Way To Gold

Ahh, yes, the Olympic Trials for gymnastics (held at our own Wachovia Center) are over. Or maybe not. I think they are. The gymnastics trials are the only one where you’ll find its competitors texting immediately before their performance. I think, at least. Okay, maybe rhythmic gymnastics, whatever that is.

Johnson, Liukin claim first two spots on gymnastics team [Inquirer]

Table Tennis, Gymnastics Finally Come To Philly

If you remember, last year Philadelphia’s bid for the 2016 Olympics was crushed, because local officials couldn’t bribe Olympic officials well enough, or something.

Any chance of the Olympics actually coming to Philadelphia, of course, would be protested by every other person in the city because it would make their commute longer for a few weeks, and there’d be a ton of annoying foreigners around. Fair enough. But it’s all a moot point, as the Olympics have about as much chance of happening in Seaside Heights as they do in Philadelphia.

But that doesn’t mean certain Philadelphians can’t hang on to false hope! As you may remember, people were all super excited that Philly became an “Olympic Partner,” a designation that didn’t mean anything and was shared by Birmingham and Central Oklahoma. Perhaps Philadelphia has as much chance of getting the Olympics as Central Oklahoma.

And, as such, Philadelphia is now hosting both the gymnastics and table tennis Olympic trials for the 2008 Olympics in Beijing.

Philadelphia previously landed the US Olympic team’s gymnastics trials set for June of next year. [Philly Olympic committee chair Joe] Torsella says Philadelphia is one of only two US cities — the other is Las Vegas — to host two Olympic trials: “Each event is a building block for the future. You begin to build a relationship with people, athletes, organizers and the sport as a whole.”

Yes! Philadelphia, ping pong capital of the East Coast! Are they holding the Olympic trials at Bob & Barbara’s?

Philly to Host 2008 Olympic Ping-Pong Trials [KYW 1060]

Philly To Welcome Russians With, Uh, Vodka

Hey, guess who’s in town later this week! The Russian national baseball team! And guess who they’re playing! An adult men’s softball baseball team from Philly! And… oh, just read the item from Inqlings.

Russia’s national baseball team, on a U.S. tour as it preps for the Beijing Olympics, will visit Friday to play a 1 p.m. game against the Greater Philadelphia Men’s Adult Baseball League Stars at La Salle University. Two players are from Philly’s sister city of Nizhny Novgorod, so the International Visitors Council of Philadelphia will extend an official welcome. Golden Gate restaurant in the Northeast will host a postgame dinner, and the IVC seeks a “vodka sponsor” to donate 45 bottles. Tax-deductible, says the IVC’s Nancy Gilboy.

Need I remind you that we, America, inventors of base ball, did not qualify for the most recent Olympics, though we’ve apparently qualified for 2008 in Beijing. The team attributed its success to having the right whiskey sponsor.

Also, forty-five bottles? Each player in this game is going to get his own bottle.

Update, 1:07 p.m.: From the Craigslist casual encounters post titled “some cock from the soviet block”: “We are a group of russian guys on a mission to convert as many women as possible to the red side. If interested, send a pic!!! The rockets are up and ready for lift off.” One can only assume these are the same people.

Talking sports [Inquirer, down the page]

Finally, a way to introduce those sagging Olympic ratings

A new online game could probably be a big hit for Vancouver 2010:

With Philadelphia Will Do and puppy curling, you ain’t getting any work done today.

Puppy Curling [Games Arcade via Deadspin]

Bode Miller is totally awesome

Some people don’t like outspoken athletes, especially when they don’t back up their outspokenness with winning. Not me. Give me a team with Terrell Owens, Latrell Sprewell, Ty Cobb, Barry Bonds, Vijay Singh, Ron Artest, Kobe Bryant, John Daly, Ron Artest, Freddie Mitchell, &c.

Wouldn’t that be an awesome team, no matter what they played? Sure, they might bicker and fight and lose every game, but that’s the fun of it! I’d buy season tickets.

Another person I’d want on my hypothetical team — I think they’d play Arena Football — is drunk skier Bode Miller, who Metro interviewed on the final day of the Olympics:

Don’t you feel like you lost a great chance?

Not at all. I wasn’t the one who had great expectations of results. I’m very satisfied of what I did here — I did my best. Sure, I didn’t win a medal, but I’m still proud of what I accomplished.

C’mon, any regret?
None. I came here to have fun and to live the Olympics at my best. Quality of life is the most important thing to me. I didn’t want to come here, shut myself in my hotel room for two weeks and then come back with no medals.

Are you talking of your friend Daron Rahlves?
Exactly. At the end, we got the same results. But, thanks to many parties, I was very “Olympically active.” And that’s good.

Bode Miller totally just went to the Olympics to drink and get laid. And then he turned Olympics into an adverb. This guy is awesome. Do they sell Bode Miller jerseys? I bet they’re cheap after that stinker of a performance he turned in.

Bode just wants to have fun [Metro]
Join Bode [Nike.com]

‘Metro’ ruins it for Sasha Cohen

Yesterday, the Metro asked this question:

And, later that day…

Bastards!

Arakawa wins ladies’ gold — Cohen gets silver after major errors; bronze for Slutskaya [AP/NBCOlympics.com]
Yesterday: We knew those Swedes were up to something!

We knew those Swedes were up to something!

Way to be supportive. Why do you want the Soviets to win?

U.S. Editions [Metro]
U.S. Olympic Team Increases Medal Lead Over Hated Soviets [SportsPickle]

Quickies: He’s outta here!

• Little late on this one, but Phillies organist Paul Richardson is retiring after 35 years. It was nice to see him in the CBP concourse the first two years of the park, though. [AP/Yahoo!]

• In Bucks County, things are going so well people are still up in arms over a bad video game nobody’s heard of except for people protesting it. If I ever have a really bad idea that I want to sell, I’m just pepper it with references to killing cops, eating babies and gutting puppies. Hmm, maybe I should do that here. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Of course, the cops did just catch two eighth graders who made bomb threats. So maybe everything is safe up there. Seriously, though: Bomb threats? How 1999. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• And, hey, the U.S. men’s hockey team managed to advance to the gold medal round of the Olympics without even playing. Now that’s sport! U-S-A! U-S-A! [AP/Philly.com]