Archie Hamburger Headed To Ohio?

Oh no! Philadelphia Will Do favorite R.J. “Archie Hamburger” Umburger could be traded to Columbus, reports the Columbus Dispatch.

Who even knew Columbus had a team? Who even knew that on Friday afternoons I’d have to resort to hacky jokes like the previous sentence? (Okay, we all knew that one.) The story (cleverly headlined “Umberger?”) notes that ol’ Archie went to Ohio State and that the Flyers re-upped Jeff Carter for three years and $15 mil.

Umberger? [Columbus Dispatch via The 700 Level]
[Image via Big Ben News]

There Is Only One Hillary

Whoops! Looks like the Tribune Chronicle of Ohio — “The Mahoning Valley’s first online newspaper,” the website says — made a little mistake.

It was incorrectly reported in Tuesday’s Tribune Chronicle that Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton answered questions from voters in a local congressman’s office.

Reporter John Goodall, who was assigned to the story, spoke by telephone with Hillary Wicai Viers, who is a communications director in U.S. Rep. Charlie Wilson’s staff. According to the reporter, when Viers answered the phone with ‘‘This is Hillary,’’ he believed he was speaking with the Democratic presidential candidate, who had made several previous visits to the Mahoning Valley.

The quotes from Viers were incorrectly attributed to Clinton.

The Tribune Chronicle has yet to correct its recent movie review, which claimed Senator Clinton did a bang-up job in The Lizzie McGuire Movie.

Information attributed to Clinton was incorrect [Tribune Chronicle]

Ohio’s Bonnie & Clyde: Bank Robbers, Witches

In the great time B.A.C.A.C.A.F.D. (Before Alycia Called A Cop A ‘Fucking Dyke’), this is what I was going to post first thing Monday morning. Over the weekend, CNN’s front page included this write-up of a real ‘07 Bonnie and Clyde, a trio (Nicole Boyd, Roger Lee Dillon and his mom, Sharon Lee Gregory) alleged to have stolen $7.4 million from an armored car company Roger Lee worked for.

Only, this Bonnie & Clyde are, literally, the hillbilly version of Jocelyn Kirsch and Edward Anderton. The three were picked up after allegedly taking the millions after Black Friday. They’re the talk of Hickville (see), everyone’s making fun of them for leaving behind hilarious clues (see) and a hot girl who could have been a model (see).

Only, since it’s not Philadelphia and is instead Youngstown, Ohio — two hours away from Oberlin! — she was actually $290 in debt to one of those mall modeling companies — the $290 was for the first year of a three year modeling contract — that makes you pay money first. Oh, but she wasn’t charged! “She was like an All-American girl. She was beautiful,” the president tells the AP.

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