Scan Your Arm, Buy Some Wine

The Inquirer asked wine lovers what they thought of the LCB’s forthcoming supermarket wine kiosks. Not surprisingly, these oenophiles — I spelled it right the first time! — are not happy with Pennsylvania’s plans.

Wait, what? No, really: The subhead says wine lovers are “appalled.” And here is some evidence:

Randy Torban of ClassicWines.com, a Pennsylvania-based Internet clearinghouse for learning about and buying wine, put it this way: “When people buy their wine, they expect a small touch of class to be involved. You don’t get that from a machine.” [...]

“It’s silly, and it’s gimmicky,” said Daniel Donahoe, a former wine and spirits retailer who now produces wines in California’s Sonoma County.

These guys know this idea is for Pennsylvania, right? Nobody’s wondering if the sometimes surly, sometimes chipper woman selling us wine and occasionally checking our ID is going to recommend something better than the Yellow Tail we just grabbed off the rack when we’re late for a party.

But no matter. The Inquirer acquired one of the wine kiosk proposals, which would include “opaque windows [that] would prevent minors from viewing the bottles.” Oh, and you’d have to give away your DNA in order to buy from the vending machine:

To use the machines, customers would have to register at the supermarket with the help of a Liquor Control Board employee. The registration would include providing fingerprints and a valid credit card, and allowing an infrared arm scan.

After that, users could go to any machine and place their arm and hand on a sensor. Once their identity was verified and the machine determined they were not intoxicated, the glass would clear and they could make their selection, which would arrive in a sealed package.

Oh, yes, I am expecting Pennsylvania’s residents to eagerly line up to have their arms scanned so they can buy wine at the same place they buy milk. Actually, this could be a pretty good test to see what people will put up with in order to buy alcohol.

Convenience, LCB-style Editor’s Note: ERROR. DIVIDE BY ZERO. [Inquirer]