Ocean City’s Beaches Freer Than Its Speech

Down the shore: Ocean City is planning on voting to make the beach open 24/7, and (get this) everyone is pretty psyched about it. The cops say they already patrol the beach 24 hours a day, and the state was the one who suggested it in the first place. (State and federal funds are being used to replenish the beach.)

Meanwhile, the literary magazine at Ocean City High School was censored before publication, due to curse words and “inappropriate content.”

Council Considers Lifting Beach Curfew in Ocean City, NJ [KYW 1060]
Students learn can’t speak that easy at OCHS [ShoreNewsToday.com]
Photo by dogfrog, Creative Commons license

Wildwood #1 Beach In Worthless Online Poll

In a big eff-you to a bunch of my high school friends who always whined that the Wildwood beach was “too long,” the monstrosity was voted New Jersey’s best beach by some sort of poll, meaning it was 100 percent factual. The poll was also online, which totally ups that even higher somehow.

Wildwood actually bested not only both Wildwood Crest and North Wildwood, despite the former having the advantage of fewer annoying people and the latter having the advantage of no curfew for people under 18, though the beach is closed by then anyway.

The tourism board was angry that some shore resorts jumped the gun on announcing their top-10 status; somehow, Wildwood was first, the Crest second, Ocean City third and North Wildwood fourth. Guh?

Also, Asbury Park was sixth, which I can no doubt say is 100 percent the result of Bruce Springsteen. And, yes, it’s now shore season, which is really all this poll was designed to remind you of anyway.

Voters picks for top-10 beaches [AP/Philly.com]

Ocean City’s Beach Flood

Jen Miller has photos from down the shore in Ocean City, where it’s flooded all the way up to the boardwalk. (Wildwood still has about 42 miles of beach left.)

Anyway, the TV news is going bananas over this rain, so expect much hilarity on the news tonight at 11 p.m. when they have time to build it up a bit.

Boardwalk Wood Protesters Have Already Lost It

The city council of Ocean City, New Jersey, voted earlier this year to buy Brazilian ipe wood that was certified Logged Friendly™ (or whatever) because of protests from environmentalists. After doing so, of course, what Ocean City got was lots and lots of protests from environmentalists.

Now Ocean City’s city council wants out of the deal. But, whoops!, they already bought the wood, and the mayor says if they pull out of the deal other vendors will be unable to trust the city and suddenly Mack’s won’t have any flour. So the Brazilian wood is coming in, costing $1.1 million to repair a block-long section of boardwalk. And protesters are ready with their over-the-top similes :

That has protesters like Georgina Shanley vowing to do whatever it takes to stop the plan. “We are considering stopping it physically from coming into Ocean City by standing in the middle of the road like that young man in Tiananmen Square in front of the tank,” she said. “It has to be stopped.”

Ahh, yes, it’s just like that, only without the chances an oppressive government will literally crush you into pieces with a giant tank. And we’ll know who you are, and you’ll be in a mob instead of just one person. Pretty much the same thing as Tiananmen Square, then.

Boardwalk plans set off huge protest [AP/The Courier-Post]

Activists Again Attempt To Ruin Fun

You know what you don’t want to think about next time you’re strolling along the boardwalk in gorgeous 75-degree weather? The boards you’re stepping on are from the rapidly-shrinking Brazilian rain forests! And you’re doing your own special part to participate in the systematic destruction of our planet’s ecosystem by buying a “I’m not as think as you drunk I am” t-shirt on the boards.

Yep, that’s certainly not the feeling you want when you drive two hours to Wildwood or Ocean City for a little R&R or an easy one-night stand opportunity. Well, too late, suckers! Next time you’re down there you’re going to think about how you’re walking on Brazilian wood. Hey, maybe the wood was even assembled by sweatshop workers! Well, I don’t really know that would work, so I guess not.

Brazilian wood is valued due to its durability — it can support cars driving on the boards, be it police or drunk drivers — longevity and attractiveness. But, surprise!, environmental activists don’t want Brazilian wood used, because it hurts the planet to use it or something.

Ocean City has attempted to buy $1.2 million of “responsibly-harvested” rainforest wood, but didn’t get any bids because they requested the wood not be cleaned with puppy guts or whatever.

And, yes, there’s a global warming tie-in, says OC environmentalist Georgina Shanley:

“Ocean City is a very vulnerable barrier island,” she said. “By us taking 1,000 acres of rain forest now, we’re becoming part of global warming and rising seas. We’re actually making our own island vulnerable to flooding in future years. It’s very shortsighted.”

That’s Ocean City’s problem. Fortunately for Wildwood, if sea levels rise like 20 feet the beach will still be 800 meters long, down from its current length of 8 miles.

Boardwalk wood sets off debate in Ocean City [Camden Courier-Post]
March 8: Woman In AC Did Not Watch The Tram Car

Laugh At This Headline/Photo Combo Two, Three, Four Times A Day

And see how excited he looks!

Mickey Rooney Named Grand Marshal of Ocean City Doo-Dah Parade [KYW 1060]