NE Times Letter Writers Continue To Amaze

Ton of stuff in the Northeast Times last week, which I noticed when I was in the NE for Thanksgiving. For example, this letter about how Bill and Hillary are the anti-Jack Kelly:

There are many pet lovers who write letters to the Northeast Times. I wonder what they think of the Clintons’ bid to get back in the White House?

The Clintons entered the White House with their lovable cat Socks. Then they adopted their dog Buddy when Bill got into his women problems and needed to seem more, I guess, normal.

Presidential candidate Hillary once even wrote a book about the pets, and we were told how Socks loved to roll in the laundry (as if Hillary ever did laundry.)

More »

City To Be Overrun By Non-Elephant Animals

A letter writer in this week’s Northeast Times complains about the lack of elephants at the Philadelphia Zoo:

What kind of a zoo has no elephants? The Philadelphia Zoo, that’s who! Our elephants have been with us forever. Now they are packing their trunks and moving. The worst is they are going to a bigger and better habitat that has more room for them to roam. Do they know something we don’t?

Who’s next?

The high prices for admission and parking are keeping a lot of families away from the zoo. They can no longer afford to spend that amount of money for a day’s outing. The gorilla families were the biggest draw to the zoo, and tragically they were lost in a 1995 fire, due to someone not caring enough to check on a preventable event. It’s sad, but if the situation gets worse, I think all the animals will pack up and leave.

Ask any kid what animals do they want to see at the zoo? They will say monkeys and elephants.

Holy shit! Without elephants, our city will be overrun by lions and tigers and prairie dogs! Aw, but I could probably snag a cutesy red panda or two in that case.

Plus, do you think the animals would have little suitcases when they packed up and left? That’d be so cute!

Northeast Times Letters 5.10 [NET]

Philadelphia To Be One Giant Rave

Yesterday, the Northeast Times endorsed Michael Nutter, certainly furthering Young Philly Politics’ members fears of media cabal forcing all the newspapers in the city to endorse Nutter. (This happened. And, at our last monthly media cabal meeting, I won the breaststroke through the vault of gold doubloons.)

Oh, man! The City Paper endorsed him, too! Mike Nutter fever: CATCH IT! (They also cut out the candidates heads and made a PDF summarizing their stances and such. Bastards! I was going to do that, but make stupid jokes. Eh, their thing seems to be serious — and, I can admit it, good — so I suppose I can still do it as long as mine’s stupid and features Milton Street. The CP’s cover also features Mike Nutter holding a printout of the cover. Whoa, meta.)

The Northeast Times‘ endorsement even warranted a Michael Nutter press release. (And, yes, Nutter’s press release — speaking of things I can admit are good, The Next Mayor’s press release archive — about the paper’s endorsement noted it was the largest weekly paper in Philadelphia and perhaps in all of Pennsylvania. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.)

The endorsement, which did mention Queena Bass and Jesus White, did speak of the other candidates’ strengths. Bob Brady got this ringing endorsement:

U.S. Rep. Bob Brady seems to genuinely care about the chokehold that crime has on Philadelphia’s citizens and streets. Mr. Brady, the beefy and very personable dealmaker, has a knack for bringing people together and mediating labor disputes — he would make a terrific secretary of state or master of ceremonies at the carpenters union’s annual awards banquet.

Ahh, yes. Bob Brady, a candidate who would like to reduce crime, would make a fine M.C. With Brady on the mic and Mix Master Mike on the turntables, this city can be one huge party ’til, like, 5 a.m.

Nutter is the best choice [Northeast Times]
Michael Nutter for Mayor [CP]
New Poll has Nutter Moving [Young Philly Politics]
Archives: Bob Brady
Archives: Michael Nutter

Only The Post Office May Vandalize Mail Boxes

The letter of the week from the Northeast Times:

My 3-year-old son and his cousin were overjoyed at the thought of seeing the R2D2 mailbox that was put on display at Cottman Avenue and Frontenac Street for the Star Wars 30th anniversary. I’m equally happy that there was one placed in the Northeast and that it was spotlighted in the March 29 edition of the Northeast Times. However, I was glad that my sister and I took our children two days after we read where it was going it be, as when we arrived, the vinyl applied to it was already half removed from the back and side of the mailbox!

The following day, the vinyl had been ripped off of the front of the mailbox as well. I was disgusted when I saw this! I guess nothing can be special anymore. If we can’t respect something as simple as a decorated mailbox and let others have some joy seeing it, what does that say about the residents of our city? I guess graffiti would be appropriate for the mailbox. Hopefully, the next time there is something different and unique that is going to be placed in the Northeast, maybe it won’t be put here, since it would only be destroyed. I’m just glad that my son was able to appreciate it before it was completely destroyed. Way to go in ruining something else nice and different in the Northeast.

Alright, look. I know Northeast Philly isn’t the most exciting place in the world, but never, ever, ever, even in my most bored state as a kid did I ever think, “Hey! Let’s go visit the mailbox!”

Sadly, the vandal force is with us [Northeast Times]

Reason #51 To Love Philadelphia: ‘Northeast Times’ Letters Page

It’s been a while since I checked in with the Northeast Times letters page. If you’re unfamiliar with it, there are archives. But it can really just be summed up like this: The Northeast Times letters pages are like Craigslist’s rants and raves, only with less stringent guidelines and better editing.

And, as such, people sometimes use the letters page to thank a good Samaritan, to complain about Section 8 housing, to complain about the state of Mayfair, to complain about Section 8 housing again and, of course, to chastise their neighbors without having to complain to their faces.

Dude, do your duty as a dog owner

This is to the young man that walks his dog (part bulldog, with a dark body white face, you know who you are) down Hellerman Street every day, sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the evening. You allow your dog to defecate on our lawn and our neighbor’s lawns and then walk away without cleaning it up.

Young man, it is the LAW in this city that you must clean up after your dog. You have to pick up, take it with you and put it in a trash can. I am tired of cleaning up after YOUR dog, my sister is tired of cleaning up after YOUR dog, and my mother is tired of cleaning up after YOUR dog. We own a dog and we NEVER go out for a walk without bags in hand. We always clean up after our dog, and I expect you to do the same. So I am asking you politely, please, be a responsible dog owner and clean up after your dog.

I’m asking you politely with a patronizing “young man” and a pointless appeal to authority that wouldn’t convince anyone over the age of 10.

See? Awesome.

Dude, do your duty as a dog owner [Northeast Times]

‘Northeast Times’: Blame Gays For Philly’s Problems

Ohhh, Northeast Times. Really, I always thought the true insanity was buried on the letters pages, not the editorial. Okay, I’ve clowned on it before, surely, but why’d you have to let Fred Phelps write this week’s? The full editorial (emphasis mine):

We all know that the Boy Scouts of America do so much for this country, from helping little old ladies cross the street and collecting food and clothing for poor people to preserving our natural resources and building character in the young men of the nation. They are as American as Mom (and Dad!) and apple pie.

And that is why it is so sad to see Mayor John Street picking a fight with the Boy Scouts of America’s local chapter, the Cradle of Liberty Council, by trying to evict them from their city-owned headquarters in Center City, all because of a legal matter that is essentially a non-issue.

The Boy Scouts of America does not allow known homosexuals to serve in leadership positions; the organization asserts in no uncertain terms that homosexual conduct is inconsistent with the values that it tries to instill in its members. The organization is 100 percent right — ethically, morally and legally.

Set aside, for a moment, the arguments that there is no constitutional right to be gay and that in the beginning, it was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. They’re valid points, but they’re not really the issue.

The real issue is that the Boy Scouts of America is a private organization that does not discriminate on the basis of race or religion. According to the U.S. Supreme Court, the BSA has the right to exclude homosexuals from leadership roles. It’s an American right, and it’s the law of the land from the highest court in the land. Mr. Street may not like it, but it is what it is, and he is not above the law.

Mr. Street, who is a Seventh-day Adventist, is making a mountain out of a molehill on the Scout issue, perhaps because he thinks it’s the “politically correct” thing to do. Like everybody else, however, the mayor should remember the part of the Scout oath that calls for Scouts to be “morally straight.” America might just get back on track if we all adhered to that.

The future, after all, is at stake.

Funny, I read this editorial, and now I hate Boy Scouts, the Northeast Times and straight people.

Support the Scouts [Northeast Times]

The End of Franklin Mills?

The story that’s been kicking around on Phillyblog for a while now finally hits the newspapers today, in the Northeast Times no less: Is Franklin Mills for sale? Specifically, is the Mills Corporation going to sell it to a developer who’s looking to turn it into a residential site?

We assume everything on the Internet is fake, even when it doesn’t involve Wikipedia, but the Mills Corp. official Northeast Times writer William Kenney contacted don’t comment on the rumors — “I’ve seen the blogs, and I’m not going to comment on that.” — which can only mean that, well, hey, maybe it is for sale.

This would seem like an odd move, especially since Mills Corp. once touted the Northeast Philadelphia shopping mecca as Pennsylvania’s largest tourist attraction, but the company is in the middle of an upheaval. And, hey, if you can’t build condos (or townhomes) across from a school for kids with run-ins with the law and a giant bus depot, where can you build them?

The main fun in the Times story, though, is its extensive quoting of posts on Phillyblog. For example:

The blogs Douglass was referring to are “topic” discussion threads in the “Northeast Philadelphia” and “Business” sections of the PhillyBlog site. ¶ A “blogger” identified as “robot” started the first major topic on the subject on March 1 under the heading, “franklin mills closing?” ¶ In his post, the author stated that he didn’t believe the rumor, but he was curious to know if anyone else had heard the same thing. Also, he claimed that his wife’s family considered it a done deal.

The “writer” of the Northeast Times (a “newspaper”) story goes on to “say” that, while another “thread” speculating about the “sale” of Mills has been “posted” on Phillyblog, a store in the “Steve & Barry’s chain” recently moved in to the formerly “vacant” anchor spot at the “east” end of the “mall.”

Will this be the end of the ESPN Skatepark, the movie theater John Street frequents and a giant Ben Franklin head in the center of it all? Will the white kids with baggy, low-riding jeans have to go to (gasp) Neshaminy Mall? If there’s a developer interested in the Mills site, wouldn’t it be cheaper (and more sensible) to go after the almost-vacant Knights Road shopping center just down the street? Only time will tell.

Is Franklin Mills Mall on the market? [Northeast Times]
Related editorial: Franklin forever! [Northeast Times]

1957: A Time Of Torresdale, Pa., And Hitting Kids

While he hasn’t quite achieved the status of Jim Acton in Collegeville, regular Northeast Times letter writer Tony Irish is almost at that cult-like status.

Usually, Tony Irish — who lives in Florida — weighs in on some sort of Northeast Times debate topic. (Usual Times debate topics are Section 8 housing, the roller skating rink in Mayfair, pitbulls and Section 8 housing.)

But this week Irish vaults into brand new territory. His letter, in full:

Ah, the good old days

Talk about memories of Mayfair. Did anyone remember when the Shallcross School address was Torresdale, Pa.? (1957).

The kids who were sent there went to school (one year 24/7) and worked on the farm, picking every thing under the sun. Also, if they acted up they had their heads knocked around by the “house fathers,” and they didn’t spare the rod.

Anthony “Tony Irish” Porta
Sebring, Fla.

Ah, the good old days of beating up children.

Ah, the good old days [Northeast Times, 2nd letter]

Your Not-So-Subtly Racist ‘Northeast Times’ Letter Of The Week

Barry Saltzburg, from Nevada, writes:

What’s become of my Great Northeast?

I grew up in Northeast Philadelphia and attended Fels Jr. High and Northeast High School, graduating in 1964, at which time I promptly entered the Marine Corps.

It was a safe and great neighborhood both when I left for Parris Island and when I returned from overseas. Oh yeah, there were the occasional fights between kids on Castor Avenue but with fists, no knives, no guns.

The entire section was clean and you could leave only your screen doors open at night, unlocked. No graffiti on the walls of Northeast or George Washington high schools. What happened? I now live in Nevada.

You can take the kid out of Philly but you cannot take Philly out of the kid, so with that in mind I return often, only to get more depressed when I see the old neighborhood.

Heck, the city does not even attempt to mow the grass when one first enters onto the Boulevard from the north.

What a first impression of Philly. The World War II generation, our parents, used to speak often of how nice the old neighborhoods of Strawberry Mansion and Mount Airy were or Germantown with their huge homes. Now look at them. I fear that the Oxford Circle is destined for the same fate. It’s a shame. What happened? Now cops are getting killed on Castor Avenue, the Northeast is undermanned by police and mailmen are being stabbed.

We may as well just refer to the Northeast as North Philly — what’s the difference? I suppose it would not be politically correct to even discuss it, so I will leave it at that.

Sweet. Oxford Circle would be so much better if it were more like Mount Airy.

What’s become of my Great Northeast? [Northeast Times]

‘Daily News’ Or ‘Northeast Times’

Whoo! Today’s Northeast Times and Daily News have quite few entertaining letters. I’m going to print five of them, and perhaps you can guess which letters come from which publication.

Letter 1:

It’s fine for the Mexicans to speak Spanish, but if you choose to come to America, you ought to learn enough English to order a cheesesteak. And while future generations of Mexicans will no doubt learn English, we will still be stuck with fresh waves of Mexican immigrants, most illegal, who don’t speak English.

It’s easy to cry racism, but this would be a problem if there were 12 million illegals from Russia or China or Nigeria. And it is easy to praise multiculturalism when it isn’t YOUR block that has illegal immigrants living 18 to an 1,100-square-foot rowhouse. – Jay Williams

Letter 2:
I don’t see the crime rate in the Northeast easing anytime soon; as a matter of fact, I only see it getting worse.

It seems like the local kids listen to rap music and suddenly they think they are thugs.

They idolize this lifestyle so much, they soon forget how to speak proper English, and they just destroy the fabric of their own neighborhood.

The local girls are getting in trouble by boys from the hood, and once these animals feel welcomed enough in our neighborhood they will never leave. They have an uncanny ability to destroy everything they come into contact with.

So brace yourself, because the worst is yet to come. –Jay Bosak

Letter 3:
Everyone who wants service should be able to speak English. What’s next, multilingual sign language? America had better learn that you can’t please everybody.

And as for the customer who sniffed “this would never happen in New York,” maybe New York should be more careful because 9/11 didn’t happen in Philly. – Darnell Perry

Letter 4:
How ironic that rapper Beanie Sigel gets robbed and shot. Maybe his lame “State Property” movies weren’t so lame, maybe they were prophetic. Hey, Beans, did the five people say “Get down or lay down”?

Maybe now you can think about the message you send to our youth. – David Krain

Letter 5:
I am writing this letter in response to a situation I saw today and can’t get out of my mind. Please print it so others can find out who this culprit is that is littering our neighborhood.

Hey fella, yeah, you in the new yellow Corvette convertible. You know who you are. And now I hope others do, too. On May 24 I saw you at the corner of Frankford Avenue and Welsh Road.

You were turning onto Frankford Avenue to head south. As I sat at the light, I saw you light a cigarette (Marlboro Red) and then you actually threw your empty pack into the street.

Now maybe you are going through your mid-life crisis. You were about 50 with very little hair on top. Maybe the Corvette makes you seem cool.

Well, sir, LITTERING is not cool. You looked like a fool. What a disgrace.

I guess an empty pack of your cigarettes in your car looked better laying in the street. I hope your neighbors don’t have to pick up after you. I hope when I tell my children to strive for nice things, bad habits don’t come with it.

Nothing upsets me more than somebody who just empties their trash onto our streets.

Please help keep our city clean. And you in the Corvette, keep your trash in your car until you find a can, please. – Michael Jackson

The answers after the jump.

More »