Ninja Warriors Fail In Plan To Fight Weed

There is more news today about the two kids who dressed up as ninjas in an attempt to stop drug users. The pair — clearly future DARE officers — say they were just attempting to deliver a few anti-drug missives to an ex-girlfriend and her friends.

But — whoops! — at the first house they went to, they caught the eye of the cops, probably because they were dressed up as “Shinobi warriors” from an old Sega Genesis game. (Maybe they should have dressed up like Sonic the Hedgehog or John Madden instead.) Then one of the ninjas talked to the Newark Star-Ledger and things got awesome:

Pertkiewicz was released from jail yesterday on $20,000 bail. He faces weapons charges and a charge of harassment for targeting the home of his ex-girlfriend, a charge he flatly denies.

“I want to be very clear, there was no intent of harassment at all,” said Pertkiewicz, a Bergen Community College anthropology student and volunteer karate instructor for Clifton children. “It’s not because she was my ex-girlfriend; it was because of what she was doing.” He said she was allowing others to use her home to smoke pot.

The letters stated “Shinobi will stop your cruel and sadistic intentions with justified, yet merciful force.” The correspondence accused pot smokers and drug dealers of having “committed sin of passing impurity” to others. It also said the “wind guides us to those of impure heart and intent.”

But Trojaniak, a self-taught martial artist, said they never intended to physically harm the letter recipients, including one purported drug dealer on the list to receive a letter. He said the pair had considered throwing smoke bombs into the dealer’s home and calling emergency workers who would later discover the drugs.

Ha ha, a “self-taught” “martial artist.” Who was going to stop people from smoking pot! I’d make the joke that maybe these kids need a bong hit or two to calm down, but I think injecting some methamphetamine would calm these kids down instead.

Oh, the article also notes the details for the smoke bombs came from a YouTube video. That’s the place where all ninja warriors learn to fight drugs.

Plan goes awry for anti-drug ‘ninjas’ [The Star-Ledger]

Ninjas Target Drug Users, Are Arrested

Police in New Jersey arrested two ninjas yesterday; the men (arrested in Clifton) said they were on a mission to tell drug dealers and users to stop, lest they suffer harm.

Guys, I know you’ve heard my column is coming back off hiatus soon, but this really isn’t the best way to handle it.

Calling themselves “Shinobi warriors,” the men wore black SWAT-type vests and carried knives, throwing stars, swords, nunchucks and a bow and arrows.

After being arrested early Wednesday in a car on Route 46, the men said they were delivering warning letters to drug dealers and drug users urging them to stop their “impure” activities.

The letters said those who persisted would be stopped with “justified yet, merciful force.

I have to imagine these two are part of the government’s new plan to fight the drug war with ninjas. Pretty soon the DEA will move on to other internet favorites and fight it with pirates and LOLcats.

Also, the headline on the story is awesome: N.J. men with Asian weapons claimed to target drugs.

Photo by R’eyes, Creative Commons license

Sexy Female Pirate Ninja Zombie LOLCats Are Chuck Norris’ Base, Killin’ His Doods

The rest of Pennsylvania is an interesting place. It seems content to simply kill us with nuclear fallout and also they have ninja robbers.

Female ninja robbers. Out near Pittsburgh, two women dressed as ninjas robbed a convenience store. Weird, you think they’d go after a bigger target. They’re ninjas and all.

Police said the two women — one with a dagger, and the other carrying the sword — entered a Sunoco station in the 5600 block of Route 8 at about 3 a.m. [...]

“They were all covered in black and carrying swords, so it did appear that they were dressed like ninjas,” said Chief Robert Amman of the Northern Regional Police Department. “Swords, daggers could be used to seriously harm victims, so this is a very serious crime.”

If there’s one thing I know about the Internet, it’s that it loves stupid shit like ninjas. (And zombies and cats and Chuck Norris and All Your Base Are Belong To Us!) So here’s my ninja post of the day to get more and more Google hits to this site. LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

Female ‘Ninjas’ Rob Richland Gas Station With Sword, Dagger [The Pittsburgh Channel]