Trentonian Zings Us Again

From the newspaper that brought you the headline “Roasted Nuts” when a psychiatric hospital burned down yesterday comes “Prosecutor’s dick causes wreck, but victims barely paid” when a prosecutor’s detective is involved in a car accident.

Ho ho! I get it.

Thanks, Jon.

Medical Marijuana Advances In N.J.

Yesterday, the New Jersey Senate voted 22-16 to pass a bill legalizing the use of medical marijuana. Yes, after hearing testimony from sick people, 16 people managed to vote against the bill. Not surprising, of course.

First, some background: A lot of people in California buy their weed legally (under state law) in medical dispensaries; a sizable portion of these are people who just want to get high recreationally. But while the FDA would never approve marijuana as a medical drug — it’s smoked, for one reason — marijuana is most certainly the only or best remedy for a small but significant number of people. Generally, these people don’t get high. They use marijuana to ease pain when no conventional method works.

California’s law — passed in a 1996 referendum — is broadly-defined, and so there are storefront shops in certain places and legal tugs of war between the state and the feds and a moral panic from quite a few people. New Jersey’s law would allow patients up to six marijuana plants and an ounce of usable weed; they’d also have access to “alternative treatment centers” where they could get marijuana.

But enough of all that. Let’s get to the meat of the issue here. Over-the-top quotes from activists and politicians!

• Sen. Gerald Cardinale (R-Bergen): “It’s the wrong thing for people in New Jersey and the wrong thing for our children.”
• Joyce Nalepka, president, DrugFree Kids: “There is no therapeutic use of this, and this is a bill based on a lie.”
• David Evans, executive director, Drug Free School Coalition: “This is dressed up as compassion but this bill is way, way too loose… It will be too easy to get marijuana.”
• John Tomicki, executive director, League of American Families: “Parents are alarmed they’ve given the green light for marijuana use.”
• Terrence Farley of the anti-medical marijuana law enforcement group Safe Approved Medicine for New Jersey: “Marijuana is not medicine.”

Sen. Jeff Van Drew, who voted for the bill, made sure to tell the newspaper this factoid: “People don’t formulate their own morphine.” Be sure to also note this story from The Express Times, which actually takes seriously this classification from the government: “[T]he federal government classifies as a Schedule I drug alongside heroin and GHB, the date-rape drug.”

Update: I kept searching — because that’s what I do when I’m done a post, I keep gathering information about it! — and learned more about Gerald Cardinale, my new favorite New Jersey senator:

“Moderate use of marijuana causes brain cells to die,” Cardinale said. “That’s why the federal government made marijuana forbidden.”

Hey! Somebody needs to head over to the “Why is marijuana illegal?” page at Drug WarRant and learn some fun historical facts. I can’t wait for the debate in the Assembly.

N.J. Senate approves bill allowing use of medical marijuana [The Star-Ledger]
State Senate passes medical marijuana legislation [Press of Atlantic City]
New Jersey Senate approves medical marijuana bill [The Express-Times]

Photo by Shay Sowden used under a Creative Commons license

N.J. Fights The Enemy

The site I took this photo from says it’s from 1919, but I’m pretty sure I saw this billboard while heading to Atlantic City the other weekend. Get tested for syphilis or the terrorists win!

New Jersey: Famous for its crabs! [Save vs. Death]

Your New Favorite Restaurant

Good Day Philadelphia was on location this morning at the above restaurant. (The event? The Phily Diner is now serving alcohol!)

All I have to say is: It better be spelled that way because of the nickname of some guy named Phil.

N.J. HOF Finally Complete

The New Jersey Hall of Fame announced today the 13 inductees for the 2009 class, which includes Jon Bon Jovi, Jerry Lewis, basketball great and Newark native Shaquille O’Neal, and the comedic duo Abbott and Costello.

This is really an incredible lineup of inductees. It also includes Carl Sagan, Walt Whitman, William Carlos Williams (I would have gone by “Bill”), longtime Yankee shortstop Phil Rizzuto and, of course, F. Scott Fitzgerald. Wow, Shaq gets higher billing than ol’ F. Scott? Amazing.

I must say, though, I’m pretty pumped for the comedic pairing of Lewis and Bon Jovi.

Bon Jovi, Shaq, Abbott and Costello make N.J. Hall of Fame [Newark Star-Ledger]

Hitler’s Mom Has Got It Going On

Yes! Best headline ever! Not mine — my reference is pretty effing old — but the one at right, from a story on NBC 10: Hitler’s Mom Speaks Out, Defies Court Order.

Yeah, you guys know what this is about: Little Adolf Hitler Campbell and his 2 siblings were taken away by the authorities (possibly Tom Cruise) and placed in foster care.

Now, Hitler’s mother, Deborah Campbell, has spoken to NBC 10 in violation of a judge’s gag order. Not sure how much we can trust a woman who named her son “Adolf Hitler” — and her other kids JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler [sic] Jeannie Campbell — but she says she and her husband were exemplary parents and that their children’s names are to blame for the state taking away her kids.

But the real money quote comes from little Adolf Hitler’s aunt, Jeanne Coverdale:

“What about tomorrow night when the President of the United States stands up and say, is forced to say, my name is Barack Hussein Obama. How’s that going to hit the world? I’m saying the one with the middle name he has, was a terrorist.”

I can’t wait ’til another historic day in our nation’s history, when a little boy named Adolf Hitler can overcome adversity and become president of the United States.

Adolf Hitler Captured By Authorities

Get your keyboards ready to sign some Internet petitions! The parents of everyone’s favorite New Jersey kid — one Adolf Hitler Campbell — had their three little tykes taken away by New Jersey Youth and Family Services.

Taken away were the little dictator, who’s three, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, who’s 1, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, who will turn 1 in April. Yes, if you’re wondering, little Honszlynn Hinler is named after Himmler, the head of the SS. Clearly, the parents did a lot of research before writing down their kid’s name.

[Holland Township, N.J. Police Chief David] Van Gilson said he didn’t know why the children were taken or who had custody. He said his department received no reports of abuse or negligence. [...] “Whatever children were at the home were taken,” the chief said.

Though naming your kid Adolf Hitler might be construed as child abuse, there’s no word on what, exactly, these parents did to warrant removing the child. They did whore for attention at a ShopRite in New Jersey, but who among us hasn’t attempted to put a murderous dictator’s name on a cake before? I remember my first “Happy Birthday Pol Pot!” cake.

The Express-Times has been your number one source for Adolf Hitler Campbell news; the paper broke the scandal (it’s called “Watergate II,” I believe). This was my favorite part of today’s story:

Heath Campbell, who’s previously said he picked the names to honor German ancestry and because they are unique, has reported receiving threats after the story was published.

Well, they certainly are unique. But, I mean, he coulda just gone the easy route and spelled a normal name incorrectly. That way the kid could even get a job on TV (just ask Jennaphr Frederick). I don’t think Adolf Hitler will be getting to report live from a kindergarden anytime soon, you know.

New Jersey Division of Youth and Family Services removes Adolf Hitler Campbell, sisters from parents’ home [Express-Times]

High Times In North Jersey

Yes, this story is North Jersey, but it’s so good it needs attention: 10 busted smoking pot at 25th reunion.

Ten high school classmates were arrested on marijuana charges while celebrating their 25th reunion.

Police were called to the Hanover Marriott Friday at 7:18 p.m. on a report of possible drug activity, police said.

Officers found adjoining rooms with the hall doors propped open and a strong odor of burning marijuana coming from one of them, police said.

Upon knocking they were invited in to room occupied by 6 men and 4 women. All those present were 43 years old and were attending their 25th anniversary high school reunion.

What’s great is there is absolutely no common sense involved from any of the actors in this story. For example, the person who called the cops for smelling weed (gasp!) or the police officers who thought it was a good use of time to bust 10 forty-somethings for smoking marijuana.

But, really, the winners here are the high school reunion attendees, who are smart enough to (1) leave their hall doors open while using an illegal drug and (2) invite the police officers in after they knocked.

Anyway, the world is a lot safer now that these 10 have been arrested. What, haven’t you guys ever seen a billboard?

Seems like old times: 10 busted smoking pot at 25th reunion [Daily Record]

A Get Well Soon Message

Some sad news to report via the Daily News:

Brian Hickey, former managing editor of the City Paper and manager of labor leader John Dougherty’s state senate campaign last spring, was listed in critical condition last night after a hit-and-run accident in South Jersey.

Collingswood Police Chief Thomas Garrity said Hickey, 35, of East Falls, was walking about 10:15 p.m. Friday on North Atlantic Avenue at West Linden in Collingswood, near a PATCO stop, when he was struck by a motorist who left the scene.

Hickey was found unconscious on the roadway with a bloody cut on his head, Garrity said. Police officers saw skid marks on the roadway. Hickey was rushed to Cooper University Medical Center in Camden, where he is still hospitalized.

Geeze. The article later updates his condition to critical but stable, a good sign.

Get well soon, Brian. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to make fun of your blog posts again any day now.

Ex-City Paper editor seriously injured in hit-and-run [Daily News]

Pa. Not So Competitive

Hey, look! Some libertopian think tank has ranked the states in terms of competitiveness (whatever that means), and guess what two states are not so competitive!

The eighth annual competitiveness report from the Beacon Hill Institute, a free-market think tank based at Suffolk University in Boston, ranked Pennsylvania 39th out of the 50 U.S. states and New Jersey 42nd. Delaware was ranked 19th.

Massachusetts came in at the top of the list, while Mississippi was 50th.

Researchers preparing the study looked at areas such as security, government and fiscal policy, environmental policy, human resources, technology and “business incubation.”

Oh no what will we do Pennsylvania has ranked low in a survey?! It turns out, though, the state scored well in “technology.” So, um, yeah, we have that going for us.

Pa., N.J. among least competitive states, think tank says [PBJ]