Mall Pizza, Reviewed

I missed this last week, but it’s too good not to post. Last Monday, one of those community newspapers now on Philly.com — the Bucks County one, I guess — did a feature/review on Café Riviera, the pizza place at the Neshaminy Mall in Bensalem.

Naturally, I was excited to read it. “Hey, Kris and I used to go there every once in a while,” I thought. (Kris was a girl I dated in high school.) And that thought by me was only slightly less interesting than the quotes in the story.

• “We cater to the family.”
• “If he doesn’t like it, he won’t serve it.”
• “Our prices have stayed reasonable.”
• “People come two to three times a week, or some come every Saturday night.”
• “When we open the gate at 11 a.m., we have people waiting.”

Ehh, I’m down with any story about a pizza place. But when’s the feature on the food court pizza place coming? Pizza Zepolle or something? I always liked that place, too.

A taste of Italy in the Neshaminy Mall [Philly.com]
Image actually from Neshaminy Mall website

Bensalem Police Clean Up, Uh, Shitty Motels

Police in Bensalem arrested a bunch of prostitutes of dubious quality recently, announcing the arrests yesterday in a strong show of force.

The arrests came from hookers who advertised on Craigslist, and therefore were tearing the Bensalem community apart. Cops called the hookers to a hotel, made sure they used “magic words” they refused to reveal (Abracadabra?)

Apparently, the Internet has allowed random sex-for-cash exchanges to expand into the suburbs, and consenting adults clearly don’t know how to spend their money. Plus, prostitutes apparently overran the Neshaminy Mall or something.

“The Special Investigations Unit is very big on quality of life issues. And that’s what this is. You want to take your kids to the mall and not see prostitutes or drug dealers.”

Experts said sex has been eradicated in Bensalem.