One Change Obama Shouldn’t Make

One of the things we noticed while watching Obama’s victory speech Tuesday night was a little pencil-thin mustache. (Above, with helpful arrows in case you don’t know where a mustache is.) Is Barack Obama growing a mo’ for Movember?

There’s nothing wrong with a mustache in theory, but if Obama’s thinking of growing a Kevin Ollie-like ’stache so he can look like a Spaniard, I’m going to have to put my foot down. (Or maybe it’d be more like a Ludacris-style mustache? I’m not that familiar with African-American facial hair and I don’t know any experts to ask. Feel free to chime in.)

Anyway, if Obama wants to grow some facial hair, he can simply grow one of those awesome-looking chinstrap beards. Can some little girl write him and suggest that?

Pitch Line Of The Day

Hi Daniel,

I thought you might be interested in using former Philly Sal Fasano’s mustache as a way to get men in Pennsylvania involved in a fundraiser that supports prostate cancer research.

Hot diggity dog, of course I’d like to use Sal Fasano’s mustache to get men in Pennsylvania involved in a fundraiser that supports prostate cancer research! Geeze, why didn’t I think of this before?

I know I’m pretty sold already, but is there any way you can get alcohol involved in this somehow, too?

I know you don’t often write about health issues, but Canadian Club whiskey is one of the sponsors for “Movember,” an event where men grow mustaches ( “mos”) in the month of November to raise money for prostate cancer research.

Canadian Club whiskey? Mos?! Movember?! This is all too much. A press release for the big event — featuring something called a “hairy ribbon” — can be found here. More »

Sal Fasano Is Not Happy With Himself

“A disappointment,” he says glumly. “My career has been a really big disappointment.”

Back when Sal Fasano played in Philadelphia, the career .220 hitter had his own fan club, was cheered for being Italian and having a mustache and eventually got traded to the freaking Yankees. Apparently he’s still not content with that success; this over-dramatic Reader’s Digest article details how sad Sal Fasano is!

Despite steroids not being against the rules of major league baseball until like 2005 — and probably somewhat legally obtainable with a helpful doctor — Sal Fasano decided not to do them. Whoops! He never got any big free agent deals and now he still has to play baseball for a living at 36. Also, check our how this article ends:

Those who opted to turn to performance-enhancing drugs may well drive Mercedeses and BMWs, may well live in luxurious homes, may well boast gaudy career statistics that elicit oohs and aahs from adoring fans.

But Sal Fasano, 36 and tired, is blessed with something a thousand times greater. He is a ballplayer. A real ballplayer.

That ending was so annoying it made me want to do some steroids.

A Baseball Career Without Steroids [Reader's Digest via Walkoff Walk]