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Humans Enjoy Conveniently Delivered Ice Cream

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The Daily News‘ Kitty Caparella covered the Outlaws’ motorcycle gang bash yesterday — that there are still motorcycle gangs in Philly is sort of awesome — but nothing really happened. The Pagans showed up, but couldn’t get through if they wanted to, then they turned around and went to Cheerleaders.

(Caparella: “Outside the South Philadelphia topless bar, several women flashed bare breasts at the police helicopter, said a law enforcement source, who lamented: ‘We didn’t have anybody flash at us.’”)

So, no violence. No gang wars. No arrests, except for a few Outlaws members who got tickets. And, oh, ice cream:

Sources close to Mister Softee said the beer-drinking Pagans, who met at the Handle Bar, a biker bar on Frankford Avenue and Wildey Street, fortified themselves with soft ice cream about 1:30 p.m. Saturday before a potential showdown. [...]

With the streets around the Outlaws club, at Somerset and Amber streets, blocked by cops and feds six ways to Sunday, these tough bikers also came under the spell of the ring-a-ding-ding of Mister Softee.

“Aren’t you going to let Mister Softee through?” asked one Outlaw.

Sure enough, Outlaw beer-guzzlers opened the barbed-wired gates for Mister Softee, like “a bunch of school kids, and stood in line single-file,” said a law enforcement source. “It was hilarious.”

“These bad-ass bikers, standing there eating their ice cream, somewhat ruined their image,” said another law enforcement source. “Both clubs did it, so it must be something new.”

Because as we all know, no tough guys eat ice cream.

Going soft? Biker bash shows sweet side [Daily News]

Everyone’s Attacking Everything (Except The Easiest Target Of All)

Seriously, everyone’s on the attack. Just look at the news!

• A teen in Northampton is charged with attacking goats! The teen went to a farm with some friends intending to “hassle some llamas,” according to the Associated Press article. (No, really.) But the teen stayed behind and killing two newborn goats and injuring several others. The farm’s owner vows to “sue the teen’s parents for damage to their farm, the cost of veterinary care and their emotional pain.” But of course! [AP/NBC 10]

• But that’s not all. Someone in Methacton, N.J. (D’oh!) Montgomery County, vandalized all 110 of the school district’s buses, forcing school to be canceled today. Police are on the lookout for a Bart Simpson-like kid who had a really big test scheduled for today. [CBS 3]

• Meanwhile, also in New Jersey, two people in a foursome attacked each other over the weekend. (No, not that kind of foursome.) The two golfers were arguing over a shot when one grabbed two clubs and hit the other one over the head with them. The clubs broke. I guess they were a cheap brand. [AP/6 ABC]

• The Pagans and the Outlaws are close to fighting, as the Pagans don’t want a new motorcycle gang in town. Anyone think motorcycle gangs are just like the Boy Scouts: Homoerotic, really exclusionary and really, really lame? [Daily News]

And the only one not being attacked is… drumroll, please…

SEPTA! Wha… you say? Well, SEPTA’s not going to raise rates this year, so the budget hearings are going to go by without a peep. That’s, really, the only way SEPTA can get treated nicely: If they don’t make us pay more for their crappy service. [KYW 1060]