‘Morning Call’ Lands Scoop Usually Reserved For ‘Star’

Laura Mallory Lane (center, obviously) is a 20-year-old sorority girl from Allentown who allegedly got finger-banged by Vince Vaughn while on vacation, breaking up the actor’s relationship with Jennifer Aniston.

Today, 6 ABC reports, she has an op-ed piece in two newspapers about her time with Vaughn and how she’s not an evil bitch or something. The papers? The San Antonio Express-News — she goes to Trinity in Texas — and The Allentown Morning Call!

Yes, the little plucky paper that could landed Lane’s letter, which… God. It’s about Roman history — looks like someone did well in Ancient Roman History (Hist 020) in college! — and why blogs and Star magazine are evil and it doesn’t even mention if Vince Vaughn was any good in bed or not. Here, read some of it:

What happened to me these past weeks was unfortunate, yes, but I am certainly not alone. Every day in the media, people are criticized, demeaned, and laughed at without rationale. We take pleasure in hating celebrities and public figures for no reason other than that it makes for good entertainment and money-making outlets. There are more Web sites and magazine articles dedicated to hating and gossiping about Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton than to informing young people about the crisis in Sudan, or the conflicts in Lebanon. We follow Britney’s first nights out without Kevin more closely than we follow America’s first female Speaker of the House.

Like oh my God, what an epiphany. God dammit. Youse are going to have to read the rest of this yourself.

Roman history puts celebrity circus into perspective [Allentown Morning Call]
Allentown Native Speaks Out About Night With Vaughn [6 ABC]