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Apr

2

Cops Now Have World’s Greatest Coke

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Hey, the Philadelphia police made a big cocaine bust on April Fool’s Day! The narcs got 300 kilos of cocaine and have claimed it’s worth $22 million.

The average coke price in a metro area like Philadelphia is $25-30 grand per kilo of coke. (Cocaine, like soda, is measured in metric.)

The cops are therefore claiming an incredible $73 grand per kilo, which means they totally have the purest cocaine ever. Or the $22 million the cops are claiming is just moon money, and, really, who cares? But why not go higher. “The cops seized a kilo of cocaine today worth a hillion jillion dollars. Now none of you kids go into selling drugs to make all this money!”

Update: The teevee says it’s actually $28 million worth of coke! No word if this is correct, but it’s just as correct as the original number, so who cares.

No fooling. Cops seize $22 million of cocaine [Inquirer]
 
dmac | 1:29 PM | 4 Comments
Cocaine, Ironic Headlines, Lies, Moon Money
 

Nov

20

PATCO Begins Using Futuristic Moon Cards

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This morning, PATCO began using new “smart cards” on its Philly-N.J. route, replacing the old magnetic-strip plastic the system has been using for years.

No! This simply cannot be done. After all, that’s what SEPTA has been telling us since cards became the payment option of choice for most subway riders around the country. (This was sometime in 1955 or so.) PATCO’s new system was delayed nearly a year due to software glitches, but now it offers a MetroCard-style pass that will apparently work through your purse or pocket, too.

Of course, it was expensive? Or something? And although SEPTA wants to have a new fare system in place within three or four years, they’d rather just do this: “[A]gencies may find it much cheaper to let the credit-card industry develop a smart credit card that pays for passage on their buses and trains…. One challenge is that many SEPTA riders don’t have credit cards, so any system would need to accept cash, too.”

Mark my words: When tokens are eliminated on SEPTA, humans will have had colonies on Mars for at least 30 years.

PATCO issues ’smart cards’ [Inquirer]
 
dmac | 8:25 AM | 4 Comments
Credit Cards, Moon Money, PATCO, Public Transportation, SEPTA