Buckle Up! No, Really.

What’s the best thing for lawmakers to do in a time of financial crisis? That’s right: Toughening the seat-belt law. Okay, the state legislature can probably do two things at once, so that’s probably an unfair statement.

Our wonderful commonwealth is one of 15 states considering passing tougher seat-belt laws allowing police officers to pull over and ticket people not wearing their seat belts; currently, the law can only be enforced as an add-on when a police officer pulls a driver over for another traffic violation.

By making the seat-belt law a primary violation, the state would be able to save billions of lives or something. But more importantly for state lawmakers, making the seat-belt law primary would qualify the state for extra federal funds; the law must be in place by June 30 and cops have to start handing out citations by Sept. 30 in order to get the funds.

This awesome over-the-top column in the Nashua Telegraph — which calls the state’s proposed primary seat-belt law “Big Brother” — says there will no doubt be roadblocks set up in order to catch seat belt absconders, at least in the Live Free or Die state.

Lawmakers are wary of passing the primary seat-belt law, even though it would give the state some free highway money. (There’s no word on how much, yet.) Tom Caltagirone, a state rep from Reading, tells the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review he’s wary: “I encourage the use of seat belts but do we have to criminalize every little behavior? Are we going overboard? Where do we draw the line? It’s for your own protection, but at some point we have to trust that people will use their own judgment.”

It’s amazing that people support every sort of law criminalizing consensual crimes but argue against seat belt laws, the biggest consequence of which is a delayed trip and a fine. But, hey, every person thinks he’s a good driver, too.

Photo by jnandesant used under a Creative Commons license

Penn Needs Extenze

The Inquirer reports on Penn’s incredible shrinking endowment. Let’s do the quote of an article quoting another article!

During the 2008 fiscal year, of the 20 universities with the largest endowments, “the largest percentage decrease was at the University of Pennsylvania, which lost 6.1 percent of its endowment’s value, or $401.9 million,” Inside Higher Education reported in this article.

This is funny. A few years ago, the argument was that Penn’s endowment wouldn’t lose as much money this decade because it hadn’t made as much money during the late-90s tech boom, and its holdings were stronger positioned going into the future.

Hell, as recently as November the headline in the Daily Pennsylvanian was, “Penn may post fewer endowment losses than other Ivies.” The same argument about Penn’s endowment that was applied to tech stocks is applied to the housing market in that one. The economy has completely imploded since the end of fiscal year 2008, so Penn actually could be right this time.

On the other hand, it is Penn, so my guess is they’ll be selling off buildings to make payroll by next week.

Breaking: Woman Dates Older Man

Joel recently tipped me to this incredibly unremarkable story from The Daily Beast — remember them?¹ — about a Philadelphia college girl dating an old guy for money, power and related descriptions.

Oh man. Stop the presses! Read this, skip that! (That’s apparently The Beast’s slogan.) Anyway, the story is pretty normal except the pseudonymous author and her unnamed sugar daddy might as well have drawn up a contract on their first date the whole situation was so boring. It also contains awesome sentences like, “We went to Atlantic City for a weekend and stayed at the Borgata, the poshest hotel in town” and “How many other college students are wearing Christian Louboutins to class?”

But my favorite part is her first rule: “My stipulations were that I wanted to wait until I knew him better before we had sex[.]” You can pay me to be your girlfriend, but you are not getting in my panties for a few months. It’s nice to see some people still have principles.

¹ Note that story: Will the Bill Ayers link doom Obama? Great prediction.

Wireless Philly Costs You Almost $2

Crack Metro reporter Josh Cornfeld continues on the Wireless Philadelphia beat today, which is way more interesting than whatever beat I used to poke fun at him for being on. (I’ve done too many posts — this is post No. 7,338 — to remember what that was.)

He has quite the scoop: Apparently, this whole free wi-fi thing wasn’t all that free for the city. (Shocking.) Ha ha, whoops, it actually has cost the city $2.6 million so far, including lots and lots of consultant fees so Dianah Neff could answer questions on Philly Future. Or something like that. Two-point-six mil would equal somewhere close to $2 a person in this city. (I don’t understand finances.)

Aside from the loan, the city has also paid technology consulting company Strategic Staffing Solutions $571,279 since 2004 and $463,000 to Civitium. Civitium has since hired Dianah Neff, who proposed the network as Street’s Chief Information Officer.

While Earthlink apparently wants to pull out, Wireless Philadelphia is going to go kicking and screaming to the grave, it seems, or possibly rise again like the Phoenix.

How Much Green Will Ryan Howard Get?

Inquirer Phillies beat writer Todd Zolecki — one of my fave local beat guys — writes today about the Phillies and Ryan Howard. While the Phils made deals with Brad Lidge and Ryan Madson, the 2006 MVP remains unsigned and has filed for salary arbitration. (Don’t worry; he can’t become a free agent ’til 2011.)

Howard’s agent and the Phillies were unable to reach an agreement last year on a long-term deal, so the club re-upped him for a cool $900,000. Although roughly $950,000 less than I make, Howard wasn’t all that happy with the deal of playing baseball for just under a million. He came into camp overweight and had a bit of a disappointing season, I guess, although he still hit 47 homers. (He also set the MLB strikeout record with 199.)

Howard could get around $7 million to play for the Phillies this year, Zolecki guesses any long-term deal would have to be better than Chase Utley’s seven-year, $85 million deal and Albert Pujols’ seven-year, $100 million contract. Maybe Howard can stuff his face full of money so he won’t say “It is what it is” ever again. Ditto Kyle Kendrick. At this point, the only way to stop sports stars from saying “It is what it is” might be to pay them.

In other Phillies news, John Kruk is going to be on Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Philadelphia’s Finances Not Quite In Order

Turns out the City of Philadelphia has owes an average of $5,000 per resident, something Standard & Poor’s rating system rates as “very high.” Oh, and the city just borrowed $200 million, and future budgets are based on casino revenues, which are coming who knows when.

And the reason: Why, the local sports teams, which rake in millions but forced taxpayers to help build new stadiums. Of course, you don’t need a hackneyed journey down that road, but let’s ask: If we’re going to pay for your stadium, could you re-sign Aaron Rowand?

Or, actually, pitching. Pitching would be nice. Let’s not get started on the Eagles.

Phila-debt-ia [Philly, Inc.]
Jim Salisbury | Chances of Rowand staying with Phils remote [Inquirer]

Another Tale Of Milton Street Woe

Hey, errbody, Milton’s back! Well, not really, actually; Gar Joseph just has a report about him in today’s Clout.

Hey, Milton didn’t even pay Richard Riley the promised $100 for working 14 hours at the polls on Election Day. Street was a City Council at-large candidate.

Riley, 66, lives in the Opportunity Towers senior high-rise in North Philly.

The day before the May primary, Street aide Tony Hudson dropped by and recruited Riley and a pal, Tony Whitfield, to hand out brochures at the polls the next day. He promised them $100 each.

At the end of the 14-hour day, in which Riley didn’t even get the usual free sandwich, nobody showed up to pay him.

Said Riley: “I think it’s a sham. We did a long, hard day’s work. He just used us.”

Hudson, meanwhile, said, “I don’t think anybody got paid. He ain’t by himself on that. There was no money.”

You know, I feel bad for those who got stiffed, but, I mean, if you’re working for Milton Street, you pretty much know you ain’t getting paid.

Milton stiffs a senior [Daily News, 2nd item]

Dragonfire Reborn As Oblique Publication

Hey, Drexel is bringing back the online journal Dragonfire, only now it’s going to be called The Smart Set. And, it’s going to be, ah, a little vague, I think. As a service to any unemployed media members reading this site, here’s some of the post on Mediabistro (Thanks, Amara!):

Remember that thing? You know, that thing that you did? Or else that thing that that other person(s) did? That thing you’ve been replaying in your head for the past 10 years, or maybe the past 24 hours? Anyway, that thing that seems to explain a lot of things? Or at least explains something?

What about that idea? You know the one. The one that really makes you happy when you think about it? Or else it really pisses you off? Or maybe it confuses you? Anyway, that idea that always surprises you when you think about it, or maybe even makes you think about other things that are also important?

How about that place? You know, that place you haven’t returned to in a long time? Or else that place you just returned from a few weeks ago? Anyway, that place where something happened? That place that changed the way you think about that person or that thing or that idea? Or yourself?

Well, if you’ve finally written an essay about that thing, or that idea, or that place–or you’re considering writing an essay about it–please send it along to the new online magazine that we are launching this
summer. We would perhaps like publish it.

Ugh, I hate when these things are so vague you don’t really even know what’s going on and… wait, what?

We pay, by the way. $500-$750, depending on length and other factors.

Never mind, this is the most direct freelance writing posting I’ve ever read. I mean, compare it to the Bulletin’s.

Freelance essayists [Mediabistro, reg. required]
July 10: All Work And No Pay Makes Jack A Dull Boy

School Officials Don’t Eat Cafeteria Food

As we all know, whenever an official is accused of spending too much public money on something, the official returns fire with something about how the $50,000 he or she spent on giant marionettes was actually a very important public service. Such i the case with James Nevels, head of the Philadelphia School Reform Commission, who has spent over $15 grand on the SRC credit card on meals since 2004.

In this case, Nevels couldn’t be reached for comment, but his associates told lies for him anyway.

“All of these expenses have been audited by [City Controller] Alan Butkovitz,” Carey Dearnley, the commission’s spokeswoman, said yesterday.

“Yes, Alan Butkovitz got all of it, pored through it, and tried to find something out of line, and didn’t. He didn’t disapprove,” concurred commission Chief of Staff Frank Siefert.

Reached at home last night, Butkovitz said that although he has asked, he has not been provided with any commission members’ credit-card statements.

On the plus side, we can be happy he’s not slumming it at Perkins or anything.

“Those aren’t people who do business at IHOP,” Dearnley said. “This is where business is done in this city.”

I know. Morning Glory for breakfast, baby!

Nevels’ wining & dining: 15G+ [Daily News]

Smokin’ Joe Sues Papers-Hoardin’ Jackie

Like Bill Cosby, former heavyweight boxing champ Joe Frazier is one of the many beloved Philadelphians who became ridiculously grumpy old men once they became, ah, old men. Frazier’s in the news again because he’s returning to boxing to fight Muhammad Ali.

Well, okay, not really. But he is suing his daughter, Jackie Frazier-Lyde, a former heavyweight champion herself and candidate for judge next month.

Frazier’s suit says his daughter hasn’t returned his business records and, although Smokin’ Joe still “loves his daughter,” he wants his papers back. These include, of course, “documents, contracts, agreements, photos, films, memorabilia, recordings, archives, correspondence, material, writings, deeds and other interests related to efforts to market his image.”

If you’re wondering, yes, this lawsuit is all about Joe Frazier not making enough money. And if you needed more evidence, here’s his lawyer: “Joe doesn’t think he’s making what he thinks he should be making.” Joe’s lawyer, Michael P. Kelly, is also a former boxer.

It’s reassuring to know boxers settle their not by fighting, but by doing it the way good Americans do: Sue the pants off each other.

Frazier hits a daughter with lawsuit [Inquirer]