Michael Untermeyer Fever Is Spreading

Well! It looks like Philadelphia Will Do’s little candidate that could, Michael Untermeyer, is making some noise in the race for Philadelphia sheriff.

Untermeyer, as you may remember, promised the “Rocky statue” at a campaign rally — this was back when Rocky was in the news, in case you’re wondering — but then showed up with a black dude when the Italian dude couldn’t make it. In case you’re wondering, this is the kind of candidate Philadelphia Will Do wants, nay, needs.

Well, he’s apparently doing well in the polls against sheriff incumbent John Green. Actually, I’ve never seen any polls, so who knows. Maybe he’s only going to get 25 percent of the vote. But Green is ducking a debate with Untermeyer and our the man with the fake Rocky statue was recently endorsed by the Inquirer, too.

But no endorsement Untermeyer has received is stronger than the one from Anne Dicker, everyone’s favorite bisexual slot machine hater, on her new Ballot for Change blog.

Michael Untermeyer got the Inquirer’s endorsement for Sheriff today. Michael’s office is down the street from my apartment, just off of Headhouse Square, so I see him quite often on the street and say hi and talk to him about why he’s running. Sometimes you come to an office, because you’ve always dreamed of it Wouldn’t it be great to be like the Sheriffs in the Wild Wild West or perhaps even mock the sheriff like in the Dukes of Hazard.

Dicker: “Hey, Mike, how you doing?”
Untermeyer: “Oh, Hi, Anne.”
Dicker: “So why are you running again?”
Untermeyer: “Anne, I’ve told you fifty times! Do I really need to tell you why I’m running again?”

Editorial | For Phila. Sheriff, Democratic Primary [Inquirer]
Archives: Michael Untermeyer
A new Sheriff in town? [Ballot for Change]

PWD People Of The Year: Michael Untermeyer

Well before any of us even cared about the 2006 election — seriously, this happened in August — former Pennsylvania Senior Deputy Attorney General and Ed Rendell campaign aide Michael Untermeyer announced his candidacy for sheriff for 2007.

In his press release, Untermeyer (or his PR guy, whatevs) said that the “Rocky Statue” would be making an appearance at his campaign kick-off event at Headhouse Square. It was meant to show his dedication to, uh, being the underdog, and winning with a million-to-one shot… although since Rocky lost the first fight… Also, at the time the move of the Rocky Statue to the side of the Art Museum was in the news, so, y’know, a news hook.

However: Note that it is “Rocky Statue” and not Rocky Statue. Because, at the campaign event, Michael Untermeyer posed with… a black dude painted bronze. (Who, apparently, has a part-time job as a host at Cosi.) Of all the people on this planet, Untermeyer found the person who looks least like Rocky.

Some may think that Michael Untermeyer was being a little sneaky or playing a semantics game here, but let’s try to look at it another way: He’s so busy planning on how to be a better sheriff than the current one that he didn’t have time to get the real Rocky Statue or find an Italian guy. He just grabbed the first dude he saw who’d agree to be spraypainted bronze and pretend to box, because, hey, he’s a busy man. It’s not his fault the person he happened to pick looked absolutely nothing like Rocky. Just bad luck, is all.

Really, c’mon, the current sheriff’s website won’t load for me. Untermeyer’s campaign site does. Plus, as I wrote before: If he is just a big liar, then he’ll definitely fit right in. He can probably make a campaign ad out of this whole thing: Michael Untermeyer, endorsed by Cosi® and Black Rocky!

Oh, wait, his campaign page links to Philadelphia Will Do’s coverage of him. Seriously, this is a candidate I can get behind. Does Sheriff Green have a link to this blog on his website? Hmm?

Prospects for 2007: Running for sheriff; extra night shifts at Cosi®.

Philadelphia Will Do People of the Year | The List So Far
Archives: Michael Untermeyer

Candidate For Sheriff IS A HUGE FREAKING LIAR

Last Thursday, a press release came into the inbox from Michael Untermeyer, announcing a press conference about his candidacy for sheriff and telling the public the Rocky Statue would be there.

Today, Untermeyer sent out another press release, recapping his commitment to “professionalism, accountability and integrity” and attaching a photo from the campaign announcement:

Whoa. Wait a second. That’s just a guy painted bronze. (And they forgot a part of the pants.) And it’s a guy who doesn’t look much like Rocky at all. Is he even white? And he’s wearing red boxing gloves! And… he’s not in the Rocky Statue pose! And… wait a second, this candidate for sheriff is a huge freaking liar! This guy looks more like a statue of Clarence Weatherspoon than Rocky. Hell, it looks more like Apollo Creed than Rocky.

Looking back at his original press release, it says the “Rocky Statue” will be there. Putting it in quotes probably means he was technically not lying, but for a candidate whose campaign slogan is “a pledge of professionalism, accountability and integrity” it seems pretty weird to not explain that it wasn’t going to be the real Rocky Statue at your campaign event! And if you’re going to do that, at least use a podium that’s not from Cosi, please?

There aren’t many official political opinions here at Philadelphia Will Do. But since Untermeyer has shown that he can’t even put out a simple press release without lying — and got a horrible Rocky Statue stand-in at that — it is the official opinion of this blog that no one should vote for Michael Untermeyer come 2007. This blog does not care if the only other option is John Mark Karr, the robot from Small Wonder or Terrell Owens. You don’t lie about the Rocky statue. You’re gonna eat lightnin’ and you’re gonna crap thunder!

Full release after the jump.

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Sheriff Candidate Names Statue As Running Mate

Just got a press release over the e-transom from the office of Michael Untermeyer, who plans to announce his run for sheriff on Friday at Headhouse Square.

Untermeyer’s press release is headlined “A Pledge of Professionalism, Accountability & Integrity” and the first sentence begins “With professionalism, accountability and integrity as the keystone of his vision for the city of Philadelphia.” But the real lead is buried in the second paragraph, where he says he’s going to have the Rocky statue at his campaign announcement.

He says the city’s favorite fictional underdog (in statue form, at least) represents the “indomitable spirit” of the Untermeyer campaign, although he leaves out the part where Rocky was quite domitable at the end of the first movie.

Still, the statue will probably draw a crowd. (Not as much as as a Donald Duck statue would, but a crowd nonetheless.)

His professionalism, accountability, integrity and indomitability (or possibly domitability) aren’t the only things his press release teaches us about Untermeyer. We also learn that, like me, he’s a fan of exclamation points:

“This is an enormous resource of police manpower that must be pressed into service at this crisis point!”

“The public demands public service that actually serves the public!”

“The citizens demand it and they deserve it!”

Full release after the jump.

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