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Half Correct Eagles Sweatshirt

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This is amusing enough that I’ll post it despite the oh-so-horrible “FAIL” meme being attached to this photo. I’m in your base, killin’ your dudes!

Pruf E-A-G-L-E-S Phans Onley No Hau Tu Spel 1 Wurd Rite [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

Your Grandmother Got Rickrolled

This is at yesterday’s Macy’s Day Parade. I have no idea why anyone would have been interested in some song about imaginary friends, but in the middle of it Rick Astley comes out and you know the rest. The best part is the announcer at the end: “That was Rick Astley singing the rickrolling phenom ‘Never Gonna Give You Up.’”

I look forward to the Goatse float in the New Year’s Day Parade, or maybe Barack Obama will get in on the Internet meme fun: “Now that I have just been inaugurated as president, let me say: All your base are belong to us.” [via]

You Sunk My Social Networking Battleship

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Step 1: Post about Yelp. Step 2: Realize that Philadelphia Will Do covert operative Chrissmari will most certainly post about it on Yelp. Step 3: Profit.

Someone on the PW blog called Yelpers out and, suddenly, there are arguments going on. In my time on Yelp, I haven’t seen any Philly Yelpers fight. I’m sorry to see that something as minor as a blog entry has caused tension.

Some guy also sent this to me as an email:

I speak for most Yelp Elite member when I say that we were all writing countless reviews (good and bad) well before we were invited to an Elite party that had free food and drinks. We care a lot about any reputation we’ve built. We don’t do it for money or free drinks. [...] I suppose you did your job and got a few more page views for your blog and got people talking. Maybe next time it’ll be for something a little more insightful.

Another user on the board wrote: “Meh, I’m not allowed to be an Elite Yelper since I am under 18, but I didn’t let this blog phase me.” Exactly. Out of the mouths of babes.

If smoking and Elite Yelping are both restricted until you’re 18, does that mean they both do the same amount of damage to your health?

Philadelphia Yelp in Philadelphia Weekly Blog [Yelp]

Elitists Whine About Lack Of Free Stuff

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The other night, Yelp — a trendy Web. 2.0 review site — held an event at the Mexican Post near Love Park for its “Elite” users, a group no doubt infinitely cooler than me and my regular user status.

This was a dumb move, because Mexican Post sucks. And, as such, Mexican Post has now received a ton of angry reviews on Yelp from people at the event.

Their complaints, though, weren’t limited to the regular shittiness of Mexican Post. No, the main complaints from users were that Yelp users weren’t given enough free stuff. Oh, man, how dare they! The comments range from “What a way to fuck yourself in the ass MP” to “we were expecting to be lavished as most *ahem* ALL host-places do” to “I got two chicken wings. That’s it.” Most of the posts were at roughly the same level of seriousness you’d use for a doctoral dissertation.

Of course, people love to complain with a ridiculous amount of seriousness (especially on the Internet). And there’s nothing wrong with complaining about shitty free food and drinks. But this Yelp user sort of sums up the whole idea of a review site holding events at bars (naturally, it’s in the form of an Internet meme, itself from a cartoon to begin with):

the deal is simple:

Step 1: Mexican Post, you give us lots and lots of your food and alcohol for one night.

Step 2: If the food, drink, and atmosphere are amazing, we will return the favor with lots and lots of equally amazing reviews.

Step 3: Profit and / or world domination for you. Hangover for us.

You blew it, Mexican Post, you blew it.

If you give Yelp free drinks and promotion, you get great reviews on the site. While Mexican Post is certainly stupid for giving bad service to people who were going to go on the Internet afterwards and complain about it, it’s … oh, hell, I’m dangerously close to making a direct point here, and it’s as stupid and obvious as “don’t trust people on the Internet, especially ones who get free shit to write positive reviews.” I’ll stop. Sorry.

Side note: The Yelp post has a Chrissmari sighting!

Semi-related note: If you enjoy awful blogs, hilarious commenters on the Internet and more of the dead seriousness you can only get from people online, be sure to check out this comment thread on BoingBoing. There is so much hilarity involved in it I feel bad having to pick just one awesome comment: “This is a really interesting situation. It reminds me of the Judith Miller portion of the Plame Affair.”

Mexican Post [Yelp]

Ted Williams Livens Up Courtroom

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Parodies of MasterCard’s “Priceless” campaign are now usually limited to practical jokes played on people who got drunk and flashed their vag or passed out at parties (link NSFW if you have filtering off). This is good!

It’s also, though, apparently popular for those trying to inject a little humor into a preliminary hearing for a drug addiction-fueled robbery case! Bensalem’s Ted Williams — the Priceless ad campaign debuted the year the Splendid Splinter hit .406 — described his loss in court. The late slugger’s frozen head apparently gives presentations at the planetarium at the Franklin Institute:

“Planetarium software … $1,000.

“Two flash drives … more than $150.

“Kids missing planetarium presentations … priceless.”

I’d agree, though, but the kids probably did get to see a noted white European ruler King Tut, which was the biggest exhibition of antiquities since Geraldo opened Al Capone’s vault. And, hey, now it’s Star Wars!

Later, one of the other robbery victims testified, “My stuff went away! It just kept going and going and going and going…”

Residents line up to testify [Bucks County Courier Times]