Who was the best mascot of 2008? Was it Youppi, late of the Montreal Expos and now a Canadiens booster? Was it Phanatic knock-off Wally the Green Monster? (No, it most certainly was not.) Or was it noted child sex criminal Grump, the former mascot of the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees (nee Red Barons)?
Oh, wait, no. That was just a silly opening to tell you the Phillie Phanatic is the best mascot of 2008. The Phils won the World Series, the Phanatic annoyed a bunch of fans, etc., etc. Right?
Well, no, but you already knew this since you read the headline. Forbes named Mr. Met the best mascot in sports, once and for all proving that we shouldn’t assign any weight to the rankings put out by Forbes in an attempt to get Internet traffic. Jesus. Mr. Met?! Ranking the sports mascots and putting Mr. Met first is like ranking the Awesome Things About the Universe and putting “the sun will eventually turn into a red giant, killing us all” first.
The Phanatic finished second. Forbes actually claims that there was actual research and science in this report, too:
To see which score best with the public, market research firm the Marketing Arm measured awareness, appeal and likability among sports mascots. Through its Davie Brown Index, the firm gathered data on nearly 100 mascots of professional and major college sports teams, gauging reactions from a cross section of people that demographically represent the U. S. population.
Oh, yes, the Davie Brown Index. Well, maybe it needs to be replaced with the Not So Fucking Stupid Index because the current one put Mr. Met at number one. What, there wasn’t room for this guy?
Okay, so Mr. Met isn’t as bad as Big Shot. But I know the Phillie Phanatic, and you, Mr. Met, are no Phillie Phanatic.
Update: A buddy in my fantasy league adds, “But don’t worry, Mr. Met will choke and the Phanatic will take over his spot.” A good point.
The paper probably still has the 30-pound dog suit, but the employee who had to labor in it is gone. The Gannett Blog also gets another story from the tipster: That of the officewide prayer circle.
“In other strange news, I witnessed my first newsroom prayer circle yesterday. After the newsroom was notified it was spared, the metro editor summoned everyone into the conference room. He then asked everyone to pray with him for our colleagues who lost their jobs. I quickly exited the room. Other people also were pissed.”
Eh. Gotta find salvation somewhere — why not a more convenient conference room than a church?
And, now, you see, the Hatfield pig has finally gotten a celebrity to pose with a mascot in the Philadelphia area:
Okay, so it’s just Greg Luzinski (aka The Bull), who spent part of his Phillies career being cheered on by colonial-era kids and another short part cheered on by a horror of Darwinian evolution. And, also, he’s not as famous as Hilton or Simpson, for reasons I can’t understand why. And, also, he’s an employee of the Phillies (or at least has a food stand in Citizens Bank Park) and Hatfield is a sponsor of the Phils.
But, hey, a celebrity posed with a mascot. Progress!
Jonathan Tannenwald is blogging the Penn Relays ’til he drops, and above he got a nice photo of the mascot race (mascot race!) that took place on the field.
As you can see, all the mascots were there: The Geico Gecko, Swoop and, of course, the Dunkin’ Donuts coffee cup! Uhh, yeah, that guy. The coffee cup won the mascot race because, well, the dude in the costume didn’t have to run with giant furry costume legs.
When celebrities come to Philadelphia, they don’t just visit department stores. They also turn down photo requests from mascots. Last November, Paris Hilton turned down a photo request from a groundhog from the state’s tourism bureau; security also made him remove his groundhog head. Thousands of children scarred.
Ashlee Simpson appeared at a Wal-Mart in Bucks County Monday afternoon, hawking copies of her new single. The Courier-Times also turns into The Insider for a moment:
“She got bad directions,” a publicist explained, dismissing a rumor that Simpson’s people had driven her to the wrong Wal-Mart.
Translation: Ashlee Simpson was driven to the wrong Wal-Mart.
Above, the Philadelphia 76ers celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy by throwing Hip Hop, their rabbit mascot, into giant bowling pins. Afterward, Eagles receiver Reggie Brown does not compare Dr. King to Donovan McNabb or Terrell Owens.
I really can’t say how much I love this ad. Not only does it have Philly’s inspector generalpersonally creeping up on corrupt employees in the middle of the night, it also reveals no-bid contracts are apparently given out in shady elevator deals. Oh, and, yes, it features the destruction of City Hall by either God or a giant, leading to the deaths of lots of people who apparently work in the building’s tower for some reason.
Oh, and it does pack a lot of information into 30 seconds, but whatever, who cares about that.
An interesting press release arrived today from one Tommy the Loan Shark, who is holding a press conference outside City Hall at 1 p.m. today. Which means: Crap, I missed it.
Well that sorta screws up this post, doesn’t it? Oh well. Let’s just continue. I’m not quite sure how Tommy types with his little fins, but he does, apparently, go by “Tommie” now and not “Tommy.” Here’s the release (I especially dig the exclamation point after “PRESS RELEASE”):
—— Forwarded Message
From: Tommie Shark
Date: Wed, 25 Apr 2007 16:13:18 -0500
To: People
Subject: PRESS RELEASE: Press Conference at CITY HALL TOMORROW!
Scientists announced today they have captured the first known video of Tommy the Loan Shark, the creature that has been terrorizing Tom Knox since April 4. One of the rarest of species, scientists hope to be able to analyze this video and find new clues about loan sharks in the coming weeks. This video confirms, apparently, the species does exist. Maybe we can catch it again sometime.
