Delayed PHL Travelers Have Raging Hormones

Another new study, this one from AXE Deodorant Spray! Yes, CBS 3 informs us that the Philadelphia Airport is the #1 place to meet someone special (i.e. someone to sleep with).

So, yeah, the company that brought you deodorant aimed at fifth-graders says the best place to meet someone is at the airport. Ah, but the silver lining:

Philadelphia took top honors partially because they are one of the worst airports when it comes to on-time flights.

The large number of delayed or cancelled flights combined with the fact PHL has six times as many bars, coffee shops and social areas than other airports makes it the perfect place to meet fellow travelers according to the study.

Aw, how cute. Finding love through incompetent service.

Study: Phila. Airport #1 For Love Connections [CBS 3]

In Trenton, Age Ain’t Nothin’ But A Number

The Trenton Thunder is known for a couple things. Yeah, they’re a Yankees minor league team, so when Yanks players are on rehab assignments, they sometimes pitch in Trenton. (Roger Clemens did earlier this year.) They also have a golden retriever as a bat, uh, dog. He had a bobblehead of himself this year.

But whatever aphrodisiac the Trenton Thunder have (or possibly has), they might want to start bottling it up and selling it; it might be a more lucrative than minor league baseball. So far this year, a whopping 11 couples have gotten engaged at Thunder games, a team record. (This stat is, sadly, not in the new SABR Baseball List and Record Book.) It’s unclear if these couples all first met at a Trenton Thunder game and are picking a cute place to get engaged or if they’re just yahoos who get engaged at a baseball game.

But one thing is clear: There was a little near-Lolita action going on in at least one of the new happy engaged couples.

The latest engagement took place Thursday for Jessica Margerum, 20, of Bristol Township, who goes by Jessyka, and Michael Birbeck, 26, of Falls Township. As the big question appeared on the scoreboard, Michael lowered to one knee, and Jessica’s screams alerted the fans around them.

The pair became friends four to five years ago, but waited to date until Margerum finished high school. Birbeck, a youth minister at First Presbyterian Church of Levittown, felt it was inappropriate to date a member of his youth group. Spending more time together, they realized they were meant for a deeper connection.

Congratulations, Jessica Jessyka! Your future husband wanted you from the time he first laid eyes on you when you were 15.

Love hits a home run at Thunder games [Bucks County Courier Times]

Fort Dix Judge Hates Love

Yesterday was the arraignment for the Fort Dix Six, the men accused of plotting just a really dumb terrorist attack by attacking an army base and then strolling out unharmed and unnoticed. All six men pled not guilty, the trial will begin in October, etc., etc.

Of course, while in the courtroom people are innocent until proven guilty, on the Internet they are most certainly always guilty. And Judge Robert B. Kugler made sure these men couldn’t express feelings for family members.

Several defendants, shackled at the waist and wearing olive prison jumpsuits, motioned and smiled to family members in the packed courtroom, and some mouthed words to them. One defendant, Serdar Tatar, mouthed, “I love you,” to a group in the back row, including two sobbing women.

Kugler admonished both the defendants and their families, who communicated in turn.

“That will be the last time that happens in this courtroom,” he said.

Cupid was later held in contempt by Kugler and fined $1,000.

An Oct. trial for Ft. Dix Six [Inquirer]

Happy Valentine’s Day

Ahh, it’s Valentine’s Day, which is usually the day in my life when ex-girlfriends get engaged and I personally celebrate the anniversary of the first trainload of oranges leaving Los Angeles via the transcontinental railroad. (The year was 1886. Grover Cleveland was president for the first of two non-consecutive occasions. Modern field hockey had just been invented the previous month.)

I don’t think I’m bitter about Valentine’s Day. (This is in part due to being bitter 100 percent of the time about other things, natch.) I really only have happy memories from it, such as the time I got a card that read: “50 percent of people get laid on Valentine’s Day. The other 50 percent get a greeting card.” Now that’s my idea of a good day.

Here are some fun facts about Valentine’s Day:

• Not even the Catholic Church knows who St. Valentine is. There are three St. Valentines mentioned in early church writings, all with the feast day of Feb. 14.
• The actual Valentine’s Day was made up by Geoffrey Chaucer under the guise of an “ancient tradition” in a poem he wrote for Richard II.
• The church removed the feast day of St. Valentine in 1969 in order to get rid of saints considered to be more legend than fact.
• Since 2001, the Greeting Card Association has given an annual Esther Howland Award for Greeting Card Visionaries. This award was named after the smart woman who first came up with the idea in America to make a ton of money selling Valentine’s Day cards.

Despite all that, I’m still wearing red today. Hey, I still eat on Thanksgiving and I’ve been to the Betsy Ross House.

May your Valentine’s Day be full of love.

Puppy love [Flickr]

Queena Bass Campaign In Full Swing

You may have seen perennial Democratic mayoral candidate Queena Bass around the city, getting people to sign her nominating petition so she can run for mayor. (Bass actually was in a pizza shop I was at a few months ago, campaigning.)

But the longshot, who got 1,800 votes for mayor in 1999, has a different message this time around, reports Gar Joseph:

“I am running a campaign of love,” Bass said. “This is the city of brotherly love and we’re lacking that, not only in Philly but in America.

“If we can bring love back into our elected leadership, a lot of problems can be solved.” [...]

Bass, 51, is not only running a campaign of love this year, she’s running a campaign on love, since she has no money.

In fact, she’s battling eviction from her apartment.

“I’m in a difficult situation, but I’m not quitting,” she said.

Yes! Queena Bass is back, baby! And she needs our support, honestly. Could you imagine how much fun this city would be if Bass were mayor? Plus, with all that feel good love going around the city, I could probably get a date for once.

Bass: Where’s the love? [Daily News, 4th item]

Dating Delonte, An ESPN Original Series

As my Valentine’s Day of blogging creeps closer to the end, I realized I hadn’t yet answered my one nagging question I had today: What would former Saint Joseph’s guard Delonte West do for his perfect date?

We (the general public) really haven’t heard much from West since he left St. Joe’s a year early in 2004 and signed with the Boston Celtics after being drafted. Sure, he’s in town every once in a while, and he was in that fight once, I think, but that’s about it. West is just doin’ his thing, it seems, and so I wouldn’t be able to know.

Fortunately for me (and for you), ESPN.com Page 2’s Louise K. Cornetta interviewed West today and found out just what he’d do on his perfect V-Day date.

Among the highlights:

“Got to keep a little gangsta, you can’t be too soft. You can’t be in there playing some guy that’s crying, talking about don’t leave me and love me baby, wah wah and all that. So Jim Jones pumping and then from there, wind blowing through the hair, boom, we get straight to the point — we eat afterwards because I don’t want to kiss no onions. I don’t want to kiss you tasting like onions and steak and mushrooms and everything.” [...]

“From there, hopefully she’s got money because I hope Jaws gets her, boom, make sure she got me in the will, bank, I’m good. Oh well, shark got her! Jaws got her. Nah, we ain’t going there.” [...]

“Give her a kiss, tell her I enjoyed my night, let’s do it again. I don’t want her in a situation, because skinny-dipping, she’ll already be shaky about doing that if it’s an early date, but most likely she will [skinny-dip], but I don’t want to end up in one of those situations where you’re feeling the mood too much and you try to press the situation and you came all out your hook up.” [...]

“When we’re on the yacht eating, we’re going to have some Popeyes chicken. That’s for dinner. It’s to let her know, put a mental image on her mind, first and foremost, if you ain’t from the hood, you don’t like Popeyes chicken. Everyone there loves Popeyes chicken and the biscuits — phew.”

Man, I think I want to go on a date with Delonte West now.

Flowers, Popeye’s and romance [ESPN.com Page 2]

You give love a bad name

As you’re probably aware by now — either because you’re trying to figure out what you’re going to buy tonight or because you’ve been dreading this day for weeks — tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Indeed, the most fantastic, loving day of the year is just one day away! And, even if you’re not looking forward to celebrating it, that’s okay: Come Wednesday, there’s a full year ahead until the next V-Day! Yay!

Valentine’s Day is, of course, the holiday named in honor of St. Valentine. During his life. St. Valentine was known for converting many heretics with his unique brand of gifts: greeting cards, paper hearts, chocolate candy and stuffed puppy dogs. We honor the this tradition still.

Yesterday, the Inquirer, in celebration of this great holiday, published a column written by a guy who has a billion little complaints about women. (They also published the word “wigger.”) Complaining is fine, of course — every fullblooded American loves to complain — but when your first complaint of “She fixates on how ‘fat’ she is” eliminates about 100 percent of the dating pool, I think you’ve gone a little too far. (This would also, of course, eliminate yours truly from any dating pool that had that requirement.)

The list is pretty much what you’d expect: She’s daddy’s little girl, she’s a hipster, she dresses too black or white (whatever), she shops too much, &c. Strange that all his horrible dates are straight out of sitcom clichés, but who am I to ask about dating? (Answer: I am not one to seriously question anyone about anything, especially dating.)

My list of rules for dating disqualification would be a little more esoteric and specific, as in “Must laugh at my jokes,” “Can’t be an ex of mine who is married now” or “Must be able to withstand at least one viewing of Mystery Science 3000 every three months” or whatever. The strangest thing, though, about the article is how it just ends. After the list of reasons girls are undateable in the eyes of one Matthew P. Blanchard, there’s no denouement — the climax was clearly the quirk “She’s crazy Joan Crawford,” which should tell you what kind of age bracket this story was aimed at, and it certainly wasn’t 18-34 — and the list sort of sits on its own.

I must say that Mr. Blanchard missed the clincher that would have made this article much more enjoyable to read. Just this simple final line would have saved it! It’s like somebody tossed Blanchard a batting practice fastball and you didn’t even swing.

The line: “But, of course, this shouldn’t stop you from trying to sleep with all of them.”

Those quirks have to go [Inky]