Lottery’s Quinto Ads Continue To Terrify

Here’s an ad that’s been airing on Jeopardy for the Pennsylvania Lottery’s Quinto game. Listen, somebody get Gus on the phone. We have to put a stop to this. This has simply gone too far.

Horrifying Lottery Mascots Terrorize Gallery

Philly Edge points to the horrifying mascots for Quinto, the Pennsylvania Lottery’s new twice-daily pick five game. The lottery is drawing some flak for them — but from anti-gambling advocates, not parents’ groups worried about the five giant penises walking around.

The phallic phive (obviously they need a nickname) apparently visited 10th and Market on Sept. 2; there is a whole gallery of awkward-looking gallery shoppers wondering, “Why are there, oh, I don’t know, five giant penises advertising for the lottery?”

I believe the protesters against a Gallery casino will be very successful if they dress up like this. Either way, though, there’s still gonna be gambling on Market East.

More images after the jump.

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Dead Spokesgroundhog Walking

With the introduction of slot machines across Pennsylvania, the rise of Internet gambling and the mafia-run sports books probably rigged by Tim Donaghy, people have so many options to throw away their money nowadays.

As such, lottery ticket sales are down for the first time since 2001. Pennsylvania contributed $965.2 million to state programs for old people in fiscal year 2006, but made only $949.1 mil in FY 2007. Gasp! How will the old people — er, “older Pennsylvanians” — get their… whatever it is the state does for them?!

The lottery did not blame the introduction of slot machines for the slowdown in sales. There apparently wasn’t a big Powerball jackpot last fiscal year, causing people to not lose money to a game with impossible odds.

But this is 2007. (Or, uh, fiscal year 2008.) Nowadays, there needs to be a scapegoat for any failings. And the only possible scapegoat is none other than Gus, second-most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania Although he was apparently responsible for the upturn in instant game tickets as recently as two years ago, we all have short memories.

Sure, back in 2005 Gregory C. Fajt, secretary of the Pennsylvania Department of Revenue, said Gus was “developing this kind of cult mentality, which we just love.” But with scratch-off ticket growth slowing to just 7 percent, the lowest since 1999, it will only be a matter of time before the newest commercial shows Gus’ execution. That’d totally bring in the big bucks.

Pa. Lottery Sales Stumble [AP/6 ABC]
Pennsylvania Lottery officials credit new ’spokes-hog’ for surge in sales [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

Breaking: Lottery Spokesgroundhog Killed

R.I.P. Gus, second most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania, 2004-2007.

Reward Offered In Groundhog Hanging [NBC 10]
Gus, The Second Most Famous Groundhog In Pennsylvania [Everything2]

N.J. Shutdown Forces Gamblers To Waste Even More Money

As New Jersey enters the second day of its complete shutdown (including casinos!), people are mad as hell, and they’re not going to take it anymore.

One of the problems, it seems, is that people are worried: What if today was the day my number was going to come up? Well, never fear, because the lottery is just a short car ride, toll and gas purchase away!

Yes, the Bucks County Courier Times sent a reporter to Bristol and found out just how important the lottery is to some people. By not running a lottery, New Jersey is losing $2.2 million dollars a day, and seemingly some of that cash is blowing over the river and landing in our riverside towns:

Michael and Wanda Haggard of Burlington City were two of the new faces visiting the grill. They bought a handful each of Pennsylvania Lottery Instant Win scratch-off tickets.

“I won $3, but at least that pays for my toll,” Michael said before voicing lengthy criticism of the New Jersey situation.

Well, it’s something, at least.

Pa. lottery beckons N.J. players [Bucks County Courier Times]