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Feb
24
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 Lincoln University is a little excited about its recent women’s bowling victory over Cheyney. Oh, yes, you’re right: It’s time for another round of amazing Lincoln University sports information director enthusiasm! Hmm, I should probably come up with a better name than that.
But trust me, this is going to be great. Let’s learn how that bowling match ended up:
Featuring more twists and turns than a suspense novel and more thrills than an amusement park roller coaster, the Lincoln University of Pennsylvania’s, 713-710, exciting bowling victory over rival Cheyney University at Devon Lanes Tuesday afternoon was literally good to the last drop, or in this case, the final roll.
Here’s a fun game: Count the metaphors in that sentence! No, wait, don’t, or else you won’t get any more work done today.
I do especially like the constant use of modifying words in this opening paragraph, though; despite being told this particular collegiate women’s bowling match was bigger and better than both a suspense novel and a roller coaster, the win is still later called “exciting.”
I actually think this use of “literally” might be correct, though I’m not sure. Indeed, the game was down to the final roll, but was it also down to the last drop as well?
With Lincoln trailing by 15 pins, Lincoln sophomore Tahirah Stewart’s mission was simple: mark and earn a third ball in the tenth frame of a tight and tense match.
Stewart knocked down eight pins on her first roll. Two pins on the right side (closest to the gutter) remained standing. Stewart removed her black glove. She took a deep breath along with four steps and released the ball from her sweaty right hand.
Sweaty? Eww. Thanks for the tight and tense imagery.
When the ball left Stewart’s hands, it appeared that the match, along, with the ball, was headed down the gutter.
What’s amazing is this is only my second favorite part of this women’s bowling recap. The best part is coming, I promise you.
After yelling at the ball as it started traveling away from its intended targets, the ball suddenly curved sweetly like a boomerang into the two pins for a spare. On the final roll of the match, Stewart got eight pins to lift Lincoln to the pulsating victory.
Woo-hoo! Good job Lincoln! Man, that match sure did seem exciting. I wish there was a movie I could compare it to. Kingpin? Oh, maybe The Big Lebowski?
In a match that was the bowling version of the hit action movie, “The Bourne Supremacy,”
Or that movie works, too. Yeah, that makes sense; I bet this bowling match was totally like that second Jason Bourne movie.
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dmac | 2:22 PM | 1 Comment
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Jan
14
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 You may remember Lincoln University Athletics — the Lions — from their previous exploits: winning a men’s basketball game 201-78 and losing a pair of softball games 30-0 and 48-0.
(By the way, apologies for the anger in that post about the Lincoln’s 201-78 win. I guess in Dec. 2006 I wasn’t quite as jaded? If this happened today I’d probably throw them a party, or maybe criticize Lincoln for not scoring enough points. Seriously, what was wrong with me back then? Don’t answer that.)
Lincoln was ranked 11th in the country at the time it put up 201 points, but maybe the ghost of Dr. James Naismith is making sure they don’t have that kind of success again anytime soon. (He’s also like, “Fuck! Cut the hold in the bottom of the peach basket! I’m a doctor and I didn’t think of that?! Man, am I embarrassed.”) The men’s team is 2-8 this season.
But it’s the women’s team we’re interested in today. Lincoln U.’s athletics website was pretty upbeat back in early November. It’s easy to see why, what with a superstar like Chanelle Harris on the team:
Harris has combined the passion of Allen Iverson, the speed of Usain Bolt, the strength of Jameer Nelson, the grace of Dawn Staley and the precision of Kristi Tolvier to blossom into one of the top point guards in the CIAA.
If you’re wondering: Kristi Toliver was named the top point guard in Division I last season. Yeah, I had to look it up. But, um, shit! The speed of Usain Bolt? She should be running professionally, I think, with that kind of talent. And the passion of A.I.? Does that mean she drinks a soda on the sideline and works on her raps during practice? (This actually happened at a Sixers open practice at the Palestra.)
The article also lets us know our super-human point guard is nicknamed “Monica” after the character in Love and Basketball. Man, if I were a college athlete, I’d imitate a character in Blue Chips and get a duffel bag filled with cash.
As for the Lincoln U. women, well… they’re having a bit of a tough time this season, its second as a transitional NCAA Division II member. The team won its first game but has since dropped 13 straight. Well, we know lack of speed’s not the problem.
Super-charged Harris ready to lead Lincoln to success in 2008-09 [LULions.com]
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dmac | 9:53 AM | 0 Comments
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Mar
2
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Lincoln University played its first softball games ever today, and things didn’t go all that well. Lincoln got one hit in each half of the doubleheader. And it lost the second game 30-0; this was an improvement from the 48-0 loss in game one.
West Chester (the Golden Rams!) set an NCAA Division II record for runs in a game and set all-division records with 24 runs in an inning (bottom third, game one) and margin of victory. I am also confident enough to state this without looking it up: The Rams set doubleheader records for runs and margin of victory.
In 2006, Lincoln University’s men’s basketball team won a game 201-78 against a team more than happy to lose. We can all assume that this unrelated incident years later is simply payback for that; West Chester will most likely get destroyed in a cross country meet in 2011 or so.
The release from West Chester’s SID is below.
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dmac | 7:35 PM | 100 Comments
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Dec
7
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It’s been almost a week since Lincoln University put up 201 points against Ohio State-Marion while pressing the entire game. Since then, more details have come out, including that OSU-Marion’s coach played in the game, Marion is really a club team and they were simply a replacement for a team that dropped out of the tournament.
Today, the West Chester Daily Local’s Dave Zeitlin has a column about the whole situation, defending Lincoln U. from some of its more vociferous detractors. (I still don’t get how a team can press up 100 points — isn’t it just not any fun? — but whatever.)
And, sure, Lincoln coach Garfield Yullie may have been a jerk for pressing that whole night, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a fine person and a quality coach to his kids, some of whom have been in jail previously. (This is known as the John Chaney rule.)
In the story, Zeitlin (disclosure: a good friend of mine) quotes OSU-Marion coach/player Mark Sisler:
“I personally want you to know that I am not holding any animosity towards you, your student athletes, or anyone associated with your basketball program,” Sisler wrote in an e-mail to [Lincoln coach Garfield] Yuille. “I have no hard feelings for what had happened and my players don’t either. They actually had a great time this past weekend, and they have told me that they will always remember this experience for the rest of their lives.”
And get this: The national attention has actually provided a major boost for Ohio State-Marion basketball, which has played as a club team for many years and is only now trying to earn NCAA status.
“The publicity we’re getting is actually helping us,” said Sisler, who also serves as the school’s athletic director. “I have received many e-mails from prospective students wishing to become a part of our basketball program this year and next. Isn’t it mysterious how things work out?”
Wait. Who are these kids? Seriously. Who sees a 201-78 score and says, “Man, I want to play for the team that scored 78!”
More to rout than detractors proclaim [West Chester Daily Local]
Archives: Lincoln University
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dmac | 1:08 PM | 1 Comment
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Dec
6
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• Sly Stallone donated some Rocky memorabilia to the Smithsonian yesterday. D.C. hipsters seething on their blogs as we speak. [AP/Metro]
• Lincoln University’s athletic director has apologized for his school’s 201-78 win over Ohio State-Marion, and apparently lectured the coaches, too, though as of last night no coaches had been lectured. [Inquirer]
• It’s not just Cherry Hill that’s fighting the War on Smut! Two Burlington strip clubs are suing the township over new laws that bar them from doing pretty much everything. Cue the “But we’re saving the children!” reference. [Bucks County Courier Times]
• The City Controller’s office says that police buildings are substandard. KYW 1060’s Steve Tawa reports the controller had photos showing “showing walls in imminent danger of collapse, basement fire exits blocked by grates, pipes and wire mesh, and prison holding cells beyond filthy.” Oh, goodie. [KYW 1060]
• Oh, and the mayor of Lake Como, N.J., is going to ask Kuwait if the Arab nation will build a $4 million police station for the town. Guh-wah? [AP/NBC 10]
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dmac | 4:33 PM | 1 Comment
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Dec
5
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On Saturday night, Lincoln University — a Division III school located in scenic Chester County — defeated Ohio State-Marion 201-78 while pressing the entire game. One player, Sami Wylie, shot 44 times in 24 minutes, which is no surprise since his favorite book is by Terrell Owens.
While the Lincoln players are probably still flexing their muscles about what big men they are, the NCAA’s official blog has already chastized the team for, aside from pressing the entire game, taking more shots in the second half than they did in the first, despite being up 97-44 at half.
Of course, fair’s fair, and since I’m fairly sure I called Lincoln coach Garfield Yuille an asshole yesterday — and if I didn’t, I’ll do it now: He was an ass for pressing the whole game — let’s take a look at Ohio State-Marion’s basketball team:
Okay, so it doesn’t help that the camera angle makes the team like a bunch of dwarves. And the men’s basketball team is probably better than the soccer team, which from the looks of it has 10 players on it, one of whom is Ron Jeremy and one of whom is a girl.
But, still: Does getting to play a team of undermatched players — who only had six of these mean you get to press the entire game and run up the score to 201 points? Gee, what do you think?
Disgusting Display Of Sportsmanship [Double-A Zone]
Ohio State Marion Scarlet Wave Men’s Basketball Team [OSU-Marion]
Archives: Lincoln University
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dmac | 2:52 PM | 105 Comments
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Dec
4
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Chester County school Lincoln University is ranked 11th in Division III, but the Lions suffered their first loss of the season Friday night. And so, the school decided to take it out on Ohio State-Marion, a school with only six players on its team.
And, uh, they did, to the tune of a 201-78 victory Marion, setting boatloads of NCAA records in the process. Sam Wylie shot 44 times in just 24 minutes, setting a record with 21 three-pointers. The Lions also set a record for margin of victory, previously held by Eureka College in a 1989 game against a school called Borat. (Eureka vs. Borat: A game for the ages.)
Strangely, though, no one to my knowledge has yet asked Lincoln head coach Garfield Yuille why he decided to press the entire game. (Even worse, he didn’t put in any white players! Erhm.) Yes, despite scoring 97 points in the first half, the Lions decided to press the obviously overmatched Marion team the entire game. Of course, Wylie has an explanation for that:
“Our coach tells us to go out there and kill opponents with an ax. We score most of our points off defense pressure. That’s the way we played today. We pressed the whole game. Sure, some people might look at it like we ran it up, but we play like we practice.”
Some people might look like you ran it up? Although I do get it now. You practice to prepare for games, and then when the game is already in hand in record fashion, you just turn it into a practice! And kill your opponents with an ax!
All of Lincoln University must be proud.
Lincoln sets D-III record for points in game, half [ESPN.com]
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dmac | 9:32 AM | 3 Comments
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