Levittown Priest Sends Awesome Letter

The annual St. Mike’s Fair in Levittown — which has been running since my dad was a student at the school, I think — wanted to have fireworks this year, but Tullytown¹ police say no go.

Why? Well, the Tullytown police chief was inconvenienced the last time they had fireworks, in 1995. “I was stuck with my patrol car on Levittown Parkway for three hours,” Police Chief Pat Priore actually told the newspaper.

St. Mike’s pastor Michael DiIorio isn’t happy with the decision. And he sent Tullytown an awesome/hilarious letter!

DiIorio said he didn’t believe the fireworks would draw 30,000 people. He called the number “arbitrary and grossly exaggerated.”

“Presently there are approximately 32,000 people in Levittown. I firmly doubt that every man, woman and child will attend the St. Michael’s Fair on one evening,” he wrote.

Tullytown has its own fireworks display every September. “If our fireworks are “unsafe’ then so are those of the borough,” DiIorio wrote. “Therefore, September fireworks for the borough should be cancelled at once.”

Ha ha, because he can’t have his fireworks he doesn’t want anyone to have them. Also, the annual Tullytown fireworks show is invitation only. Jerks!

¹ Levittown is only a post office and a census-designated place; the area that is Levittown actually spreads over five different townships/boroughs/whatever in Bucks County. When I was an intern at the Bucks County Courier Times, my bosses were very insistent that we never refer to anyone as “from Levittown,” as they were actually from Bristol Borough or whatever.

St. Mike’s Fair fireworks deemed ‘too dangerous’ [Bucks County Courier Times]

Mariano: It’s Not You, It’s Me

It’s been a tough past couple of days for Rick Mariano. Although he got released on bail last week, his sentencing was moved up over a month to June 1 and somebody knocked enough sense into him that even if you stay on City Council, it might not be the best idea to attend council sessions. So he loses a month of freedom, and he’s not goign to attend council anymore!

There is some hope, though. Mariano released a letter to his constituents, and The Evening Bulletin helpfully printed it. (They also noted it was drafted by Mariano’s chief of staff.) He doesn’t apologize in the letter — and a spokesman says he won’t — but he does sort of do the “girlfriend apology,” i.e., it’s just not working out:

Dear Neighbor and Friend,

While my future is clouded and the tide seems to have turned, I want to assure you that my City Council office will remain open and fully staffed to serve you.

Over the course of my 10 years on City Council, it has been my pleasure to provide more than $93 million for housing, youth, veterans and community organizations.

Also, in a complex district with many ethnic groups, I have worked to guarantee that our differences don’t become divisions.

I am not claiming to have been a “perfect” councilperson. I am simply telling you that I tried and I cared.

Respectfully, I ask for your patience and prayers as I prepare to walk the walk that is before me.

Although he could have just said he had met somebody else, but at least he didn’t do it over IM or text messages or something.

Things are looking up for the convicted councilman, though. In this letter, he actually set a world record for most clichés in five paragraphs. Congrats, Rick!

Mariano Speaks [Evening Bulletin]
Mariano takes a bye on City Council meeting [Inky]
Rick’s date June 1 [Daily News]
Archives: Rick Mariano