Scan Your Arm, Buy Some Wine

The Inquirer asked wine lovers what they thought of the LCB’s forthcoming supermarket wine kiosks. Not surprisingly, these oenophiles — I spelled it right the first time! — are not happy with Pennsylvania’s plans.

Wait, what? No, really: The subhead says wine lovers are “appalled.” And here is some evidence:

Randy Torban of ClassicWines.com, a Pennsylvania-based Internet clearinghouse for learning about and buying wine, put it this way: “When people buy their wine, they expect a small touch of class to be involved. You don’t get that from a machine.” [...]

“It’s silly, and it’s gimmicky,” said Daniel Donahoe, a former wine and spirits retailer who now produces wines in California’s Sonoma County.

These guys know this idea is for Pennsylvania, right? Nobody’s wondering if the sometimes surly, sometimes chipper woman selling us wine and occasionally checking our ID is going to recommend something better than the Yellow Tail we just grabbed off the rack when we’re late for a party.

But no matter. The Inquirer acquired one of the wine kiosk proposals, which would include “opaque windows [that] would prevent minors from viewing the bottles.” Oh, and you’d have to give away your DNA in order to buy from the vending machine:

To use the machines, customers would have to register at the supermarket with the help of a Liquor Control Board employee. The registration would include providing fingerprints and a valid credit card, and allowing an infrared arm scan.

After that, users could go to any machine and place their arm and hand on a sensor. Once their identity was verified and the machine determined they were not intoxicated, the glass would clear and they could make their selection, which would arrive in a sealed package.

Oh, yes, I am expecting Pennsylvania’s residents to eagerly line up to have their arms scanned so they can buy wine at the same place they buy milk. Actually, this could be a pretty good test to see what people will put up with in order to buy alcohol.

Convenience, LCB-style Editor’s Note: ERROR. DIVIDE BY ZERO. [Inquirer]

Advanced Robots To Sell Wine — In Pa.

Recently, the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board — which, if you didn’t know, some people think should be abolished — announced it was seeking proposals for several hundred wine kiosks in Pennsylvania. The kiosks would be placed in (get this!) grocery stores and malls.

Yes, it’s a step forward, and a surprising one from the LCB. And check out this technology!

The kiosk has security identification measures such as fingerprints and biometric readings, he said. Users would have to register and purchases would have to be made with credit card, debit card or PLCB gift card.

Oh, boy, I can’t wait to have to register and get fingerprinted to buy wine. Sigh. One step forward, two steps back.

Pennsylvania wants to sell wine in kiosks [AP]
A wine vending machine? Pennsylvania could see them soon [Dr. Vino's Wine Blog]
Thanks, Rob!

Introducing: Keystone Cops!

Welcome to Keystone Cops, an occasional look at crime, public safety and police-related news in the area. Like many things on this site, consider this a “soft launch” that I will forget about in a few days. See, I didn’t even go to the trouble of making a logo. For now, enjoy!

• The son of John Timoney, Everyone’s Favorite Police Chief™, was sentences to 18 months in prison for attempting to buy 400 pounds of marijuana from an undercover officer today. Sean Timoney faces probation and drug rehab after he gets out. Timoney’s lawyer: “Cops’ kids have been getting in trouble since the beginning of time.” Yeah, just like when Police Chief Ock’s kid got away with all those DUIs in the Great Rift Valley. [AP/CBS 3]

• In response to the school shooting in Lancaster and yesterday’s suicide at Springfield, Montco officials have come up with a solution: Panic buttons. Panic buttons. Seriously. Maybe they can get some of those convenience store-style height charts on the door jambs, too. [KYW 1060]

• Subhead from this Courier Times story: “The teen will have to spend a year in an alternative school due to his threat to blow up Pennsbury High School East.” Wait, that’s punishment? [Bucks County Courier Times]

• A former New Jersey police officer who lost his job after an encounter with state troopers is suing for a million bucks. Money quote: “Officer Wade informed me it’s a known fact among officers that you never pass a state trooper vehicle; you let them pass you. They don’t like that.” [AP/6 ABC]

• And, finally, this isn’t crime, it just seems like it: Ex-State Sen. Joe Conti has a new $150k job created by the state just for him! [Inquirer]

Q&A On The Smoking Ban

City Council’s passing of the Smoking Ban (With Exceptions!) kind of took lots of people by surprise, since (a) City Council hadn’t been able to pass it on three previous tries and (b) it hadn’t been publically talked about before Thursday’s final session before summer break.

To help you sort out the smoking ban, here’s a helpful question and answer on the smoking ban, from your friends at Philadelphia Will Do. (Just kidding. It won’t be helpful.)

Q: So no smoking in public anymore?
A: Uh, yeah. According to the law, which still has to be signed by Mayor Street, smoking is banned all stores, offices, restaurants, bars, apartment lobbies and hallways, theaters, stadiums, any workplace and within 20 feet of any entrance to a building where smoking is banned. Yes, City Council has actually stopped you from smoking in your disgusting apartment hallway.

More »

Blogicized: Hip New Hotel Complete With Refinery, Planes, Swamp

• Starwood is opening its hip new Aloft hotel — aimed at “Generation X” — at the Philadelphia airport. This is better than when they built that Hilton on top of the Garage at 10th and Filbert. [The Illadelph]

• Ed Rendell has unveiled his wine shipping plan — and, yes, it still includes the 18 percent tax to help the citizens of Johnstown recover from that drastic flood early last century. It’s still a pretty good plan, which is shocking, considering this is Pennsylvania. [Phila Foodie]

• Thanks, Phillyist. I really needed to read an article about shit. [Phillyist]

• Joe Vento needs to learn himself some Ingish. [Philebrity]

Blogicized: B Is For Blog

• According to an ACLU blogger, the government is looking more and more like the evil villain in a movie adapted from a comic book. How can you stop this? According to an ACLU blogger, by joining the ACLU. [Speaking Freely]

• Ahh, a good wine that people seem to enjoy that’s only $13, and yet… you could never buy it in Pennsylvania. And the winery says it’s all gone. I love the LCB! [Philadelphia Foodie, 4th item]

• Now indie bloggers can syndicate their content and possibly (ha) get paid! I can’t wait until newspapers and blogs from here to El Paso are running “Abridged Daily News Columnists.” [Blinq]