Scientology’s Lawyers Threaten Anonymous

Hey, so you all remember how Scientology scheduled a protest for last month so as to hold off a protest by Anonymous? And then they didn’t protest at all? Well, for some reason the city has given the Church of Scientology yet another permit, for a June 14 protest against Xenu knows what, despite barely protesting at all during its last all-day protest.

The City of Philadelphia protesting code states that “[t]he term “Demonstration” shall not mean the casual use of City Property which does not have an intent or propensity to draw a crowd or onlookers.” Scientology’s last “protest” was just a few people handing out fliers for an hour or so despite the permit being requested for the entire day.

There’s more: Anonymous is, well, anonymous, and is designed to stave off any legal threats from the Church of Scientology; apparently the Philadelphia group looked into the local college student who handed in the check for a previous anonymous protest (apparently) and had a lawyer hand-deliver a letter to her parents’ house in Johnstown.

The greatness of Anonymous is the idea that no one can retaliate, physically or legally, against the group while it speaks out against whatever the cause is. But, of course, anyone can also claim to be Anonymous and send out anything in its name. And, as such, the letter from Scientology’s lawyers recaps a bunch of bomb threats and other related hoaxes sent to Scientology from people it identifies as members of “Anonymous.”

The letter then tells our fair college student that Scientology “has place[d] you on notice” — ha! — and tells her not to commit any illegal activities against the church. Yes, that’s right, Scientology has placed a member of Philadelphia’s Anonymous group who says she has done nothing wrong on notice.

Letter after the jump.

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Alycia Lane Has A Lawyer

Hey, know what’s a way to not lose your public job? Punching a cop and calling her a “fucking dyke”! (Obligatory: It’s all alleged; Alycia Lane denies it all.)

Dan Gross reports today the identity of Alycia Lane’s lawyer; Paul Rosen has been in discussions with CBS 3 since last week. He also reports the reason Lane wasn’t dropped from the station last Friday was because of Rosen, so Lane is clearly already getting her money’s worth.

So, yes, there is no real new Alycia Lane news, but what else am I going to write about? An anchor who didn’t allegedly punch a cop? Please.

Dan Gross | Alycia has hired a lawyer in a bid to keep her job at CBS 3 [Daily News]

Drug War Gets Another Villain Off City Streets

So a lawyer was going to visit his client in jail, and, whoops, this lawyer had coke on him!

So what was he doing, trying to smuggle in a stash of cocaine for his client? Nah, of course not:

[D. Scott] Perrine last night described the incident as a misunderstanding. Before visiting Curran-Fromhold, “I had a meeting with a client and his mother, and she had brought out [the vial] to demonstrate what she has to put up with,” Perrine said. “There was nothing really in it at all, and that vial is what was found in my briefcase.”

Perrine’s attorney, Larry Krasner, said there were .001 grams of cocaine in the vial - roughly 1 percent of the normal amount of cocaine that would be sold in the type of vial found in Perrine’s briefcase. Police officials confirmed that the amount of cocaine in the vial was minuscule.

Phew! It’s a good thing this menace to society has been arrested.

Visiting jailed client, lawyer had coke vial [Daily News]

Philadelphia To Soon Be Free Of Thetans (Or Whatever)

As you may have heard, the Church of Scientology recently purchased a 15-story building on Chestnut Street along with a former toy store in order to expand in the City of Brotherly Love. (One can only wait until the first Scientologist member of the Philadelphia Phillies arrives; the Phils train in Clearwater, Fla., world headquarters of Scientology.)

Just like Christians believe a Jewish carpenter 2,000 years ago was the Messiah and Jews believe they’re the Chosen People of God™ and Hindus believe widows should be shunned and Muslims believe in predestination and a lack of free will, Scientologists believe Xenu came to Earth 75 million years ago with a bunch of humans, who he then blew up with hydrogen bombs, and their spirits harass humans to this day, and Scientology can get rid of them.

Fortunately for Scientology, and unfortunately for other religions, the religion has a group of high-powered lawyers. All hail Xenu! Or, uh, boooo, Xenu! Whichever one is right! Boooo psychiatry! How dare it attempt to help people through science instead of science fiction!

And, of course, this new building will cost the city money:

Property taxes for 2007 on the Chestnut Street parcels were $56,195, according to city records. But if the acquisition is deemed to be a house of worship, it will be exempted from taxes. The church does not pay tax on its headquarters at 1315 Race St., which it bought for $325,000 in 1979.

Eh, at least it’s not another dollar store.

Church of Scientology buys site in Center City [Inquirer]
Shunned from society, widows flock to city to die [CNN.com]

Laywers: They’re Just Like Us!

The mayoral candidates spoke at a forum yesterday organized by members of America’s favorite profession, lawyers.

The lawyers gave the biggest applause to Republican candidate Al Taubenberger, but not because he’s a Republican or because he’s a good candidate, but… well:

The lone Republican, Al Taubenberger, got the biggest applause, blaming a roving Penndot crew for his tardiness.

Yep. No matter who you are, lawyer or pleb, Democrat or Republican, man or woman, everyone hates the roving PennDOT crew.

Phila. Lawyers’ Group Cross-Examines Mayoral Candidates [KYW 1060]
Allen Rothenberg [Myspace]

Philadelphia Lawyer Caught Naked With 14-Year-Old; No Other Information Available Right Now, But, C’mon, What A Scandal!

A 49-year-old Philadelphia lawyer was caught naked with a 14-year-old in a private lounge of the Criminal Justice Center yesterday and has been arrested.

The lawyer, 49-year-old Larry Charles, was charged with sexual assault, corrupting the morals of a minor and related crimes. Charles went with the 14-year-old to the CJC yesterday when it was closed so she could post bail for someone. After nobody had seen them for a while, CJC guards went looking for them, eventually finding them in the locked, private room. The Inquirer reports the two had a “family relationship.”

That’s really all we got for now, but, c’mon, you’re already salivating for more details! (Why bother pretending you’re not all interested in all the gruesome details.)

Phila. Lawyer Charged with Sex Assault on Teen Inside CJC [KYW 1060]
Philadelphia lawyer found naked with teen girl [Inquirer]

Worse Prosecuting Through Chemistry

An ex-police chemist was arrested yesterday for stealing lots and lots of drugs from the lab. Whoops! The woman, Colleen Brubaker, was in charge of securing evidence in drug cases, and now lots and lots of cases have to be re-examined and possibly thrown out.

Oh, goodie.

And now lawyers for alleged drug dealers are using it to their advantage:

“There is no reason to believe that if Colleen Brubaker were a drug addict she would act differently than other drug addicts,” read a motion filed in [alleged coke dealer Terrence] Davis’ case.

The defender’s office asserts that police can no longer guarantee the “chain of custody” of the drug evidence and that Brubaker may have falsified information on the lab reports to cover up her addiction.

“The Prosecutor’s Office would somehow suggest that she was magically different than other addicts,” according to the court filing. “The chain of custody has been completely destroyed by the actions of Colleen Brubaker.”

Drugs! They’re magically delicious! I do kind of think she is magically different than other alleged addicts. I mean, what other ones get their drugs from the police?

A formula for chaos in courts [Inquirer]

Lawyer Denies Foo Fighting

The case of did-the-restaurateur cause-a-miscarriage has gotten a little sticker in the past few days. As you probably heard, chef/restaurateur Susanna Foo was arrested Friday night and charged with assaulting a meter maid and related offenses. Later that weekend, the officer had a miscarriage.

The Inquirer came forth with a story saying, uh, it’d be pretty hard to cause a miscarriage. (Then the Inky referenced the Siege of Leningrad, to make sure the point sunk in.)

Yesterday, Foo’s preliminary hearing was delayed until Nov. 20. Foo’s lawyer, Richard DeSipio, said his client never hit anyone, even coming so far as saying the woman is just looking for some cash.

The defense, though, has nine eyewitnesses prepared to testify that Foo never hit Juanita Lewis, the PPA worker. Dun dun dun!

More on this as it develops — and by “as it develops,” I mean “next month.”

Foo’s Lawyer: Officer Claiming Injury Wants Money [NBC 10]
Susanna Foo’s alleged victim has miscarriage [Inquirer]

Christina Alisio Retains Counsel, Probably Plans Hilarious DiMeoesque Lawsuits

Hey, remember Christina Alisio? Wait, you don’t? Oh, come on! It was just two days ago when she told the New York Post she boinked Mets catcher Paul Lo Duca!

Apparently not content to simply have her one day in the sun, Alisio has taken the next step of hiring a law firm to represent her:

“The Firm of Saltz, Mongeluzzi, Barrett & Bendesky, P.C., today was retained to represent Christina Alisio, a private citizen who resides in Philadelphia. She has been the subject of numerous, recent media reports in connection with New York Mets Catcher Paul Lo Duca. On Ms. Alisio’s behalf, the Firm is investigating these media reports and the possibility of legal recourse. The matter is being handled by Attorneys Michael F. Barrett, Esq., and Donna Lee Jones, Esq. Out of respect for our Client and legal process, there will be no further comment on this matter at this time by the Firm or Ms. Alisio.”

You know what that means, boys and girls? Yes, just two days after going to the New York Post and whining that a ballplayer she met in a gambling parlor wasn’t her true love, Alisio appears ready to sue some media outlets.

Oddly, the Daily News story breaking this news has been taken down from Philly.com. Gasp! Who knows, exactly, what the evil news media did to the “private” citizen who told the New York Post the baseball player she met in a bar wasn’t her one true love.

But, really, we can’t wait to find out.

Statement Regarding Representation of Christina Alisio [SMBB/U.S. Newswire]
Tuesday: Philly Teen Learns Valuable Lesson: Baseball Players You Meet In Gambling Parlors And Fuck On The First Date Are Not Always Faithful
Possibly Related: Anthony DiMeo

Mariano: Electrician, Lawyer, Author

With prison looming on August 7, yesterday Rick Mariano showed up at City Hall and started talkin’ to the press. (This, despite saying, “Never again, to none of youse,” after being sentenced last week to six-and-a-half years in prison.)

He also was wearing a tank top. (If you have photos of this, please, please, please send them may way.) KYW 1060 has the entire interview on their website as an audio file, but they helpfully transcribed a bunch of it, too. Here are the highlights:

“A big mistake. But I’m not going to sit here and tell you what that mistake was because it’s not what everybody thinks it was. There’s much more to the Rick Mariano story. They’re just going to have to wait until I write the book, I guess.”

Mariano said he is now able to find some good in his conviction on fraud and bribery charges:

“It’s the worst thing that could happen to me or anyone, but it’s actually the best thing because I didn’t like this life. I didn’t like being a councilman and I know it now. There was always an inner conflict inside of me, and I didn’t know what it was. And now I know what it was. I really don’t like this life.” [...]

“Most people have been nice and kind and good enough to me to walk up to me on the El and say they’re praying for me and wishing me good thoughts.”

As for the next six years in prison, Mariano said he hopes to lose 25 pounds and take up a new career:

“I’m going to work on taking the LSATs and becoming a lawyer. I think it’s time for me to enter that arena.”

Let me be the first to offer to ghostwrite your book, Rick. I work cheap.

Mariano Reflects on His Trial, Upcoming Prison Term [KYW 1060]
Archives: Rick Mariano