Larry West Buys A Kilt!

I have attempted to make Philadelphia Will Do your #1 source for Larry West news ever since he randomly showed up at the Milton Street concert/mayoral rally and told everyone he was running for mayor.

Anyway, we now have perhaps the biggest Larry West development yet, as he notes on his blog that he has purchased a kilt.

West writes that he “fucking hate[s] pants” — he drops a Simpsons quote in his post title — and explains the beauty of owning a kilt:

Most men wear boxers for the comfort and feeling of freedom, something we really get to enjoy when we wear shorts in the summer. Otherwise, we wear pants. Tight, restricting, horrible pants. Fuck ‘em! Well, a kilt is better. I had on my boxers, I put a kilt on over them, and my god… paradise! PAR-A-DISE! Walking around the house, feeling free.. my god, FREEDOM!!!!

We then learn West is considering wearing long johns to prevent accidental exposure while donning a kilt. (A recommendation: Boxer briefs! Or, rather, those Jockey mid-rise briefs. Best underwear ever.)

I shall continue delving into Larry West wardrobe news as it develops.

Don’t You Hate Pants? [Angry, Young, And Poor]

Great Moments In Design

Look, Larry West went to all the trouble of making this graphic, the least I can do is share his post about local blogs’ extreme lack of advance event notification. I also liked this long post about Saturday morning cartoons, while I’m at it. (No mention of Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue, though?! That was the event of Saturday morning cartoon watching in whatever year it aired.)

Larry West Supports… No One!

Now that Jesus White has delivered his endorsement, it’s about time we found out who ineligible mayoral candidate Larry West thinks should be mayor.

And what do you know! He emailed me a little bit ago:

Hey, how are you? Long time, no write, huh? Well, I’m working on a new site and campaign called “None of the Above”, where I basically say that no one running should be President. The front runners are only “OK” in my eyes. There’s more to come, but have a few images you may like [see at right--dmac]

More images here.

-Larry

So there you go: Uhh… nobody. I assume when he writes “the front runners,” he means Clinton and Obama and not John McCain. In fact, I’m pretty sure of that.

Everyone Lining Up To Run Against Fumo

A.J. at Phillymag reported last night Johnny Doc is considering a run for Vince Fumo’s State Senate seat. With (bi hottie) Anne Dicker already running alpaca cartoons and related fun anti-Fumo ads and multiple posts on Young Philly Politics saying some people you’ve never heard of should run, it could be a crowded race come primary time. Will Larry West throw his hat into the ring?

Daulerio’s source sums it up this way: If Fumo wins the primary, he could drop out after it and essentially handpick his successor. Johnny Doc could swoop in and take the senate seat from the 30-year vet and then he could have all the alpacas he wanted. If only it was Pennsylvania and not New Jersey where alpaca farming is booming, maybe everyone could get along and vacuum up alpaca hair in peace.

Also: Dammit, I missed Larry West’s auction for a signed print of a drawing of Pamela Anderson!

Update: It’s confirmed! And here’s his hilarious quote! “My family’s been living in this area for 100 years. At one time, I had 11 aunts and uncles in one house, that same house I raised my daughter.”

BREAKING: Johnny Doc Considering Run for Fumo’s Seat [The Daily Examiner]

Having Conquered Philly, Larry West Heads Overseas

Much like Official Election Resluts Thread, sometimes Larry Just gets a little too excited. But, yeah, Danish TV, 2 p.m. today, apparently. I can only assume he’s appearing on the Danish version of The Singing Bee.

Larry West to Make his Danish TV Debut! [Mark Skull aka Larry West, apparently]
May 16: Larry West All Ready For General Election

Register To Vote For Exciting Already-Decided Election

We are now less than a month away from the most exciting time of the year — i.e. the election between midterms and presidential. Could those odd-year elections be any more exciting?

Oh, yeah, there’s also a mayor’s race in Philadelphia between the guy who’s going to win (Michael Nutter) and the guy who’s going to lose (Al Taubenberger). And don’t forget the third-party candidates John Staggs (Socialist Workers, eligible to run for mayor, actually on ballot) and Larry West (independent, not eligible to run for mayor, not on ballot).

If you are very excited to vote for Mayor Al or meatpacker Staggs, be sure to note: Today is the last day you can register for the election in Pennsylvania. If you don’t vote, nothing will happen, but you lose your right to complain about the guy you voted for who’s not paying attention to your stupid pet causes.

Mayor’s Race To Excite ~5 Percent Of Residents

Hey, kids! Don’t forget! We got a mayor’s race coming up!

Despite Michael Nutter winning the election back in May, there’s still a formality of electing him again in November, because of this pesky thing called “democracy” which doesn’t let the Democratic party just win every election even though they have a 9π-to-1 (or something) registration edge in the city. And so, Nutter must fight back such candidates as Republican and ex-landscaper Al Taubenberger, awesome meatpacking socialist John Staggs, nobody from the Green Party — Kerry Foster, where are you? — and independent ineligible write-in candidate Larry West.

So far, it’s been the friendliest mayoral race in history, with Taubenberger going so far as to say that maybe the Democrats haven’t done the best job at running the city, but they haven’t bombed any city blocks in a while, so, you know. Larry West has also apparently been making the rounds attempting to get the Ozzfest voting bloc, from this comment on his Myspace: “Hahahaha, it was nice meeting you before Ozzfest.”

KYW 1060 reports Labor Day is the unofficial start of the campaign season in Philadelphia, but nobody is really going to notice this year since Taubenberger has like 50 bucks in the bank and a website from 1994 with “Page 1″ in the title field.

Philadelphia Mayor’s Race, Easy To Overlook [KYW 1060]

EXCLUSIVE! Mayor Street’s iPhone Revealed!

As you can tell from this exclusive picture of Mayor John Street’s iPhone, his 15-hour wait in line wasn’t all for naught. The special iPhone the mayor purchased is customized specifically for the City of Philadelphia, with options that snitch, fund SEPTA and lower fares, remove all illegal guns from the streets, fix the Philadelphia public schools, fund city pensions and get the Phillies some pitching help.

The mayor’s iPhone fetish angered angry bloggers and other angry bloggers on Friday, making Philadelphia wonder just what John Street would have done to end the tide of murders in this city on Friday, or at least what more he would have done than someone calling him a fuckhead in an entry in WordPress. I get it; the iPhone incident is a good example of why John Street’s second term as mayor has been much less successful than New Coke.

The only person to come out good here is none other than ineligible mayoral candidate Larry West, who used John Street’s failed publicity stunt as his own publicity stunt, getting on the news and in an Associated Press story, although unfortunately none of the stories mentioned his mayoral candidacy.

But enough of this; it could have been worse. In Washington, D.C., Mayor Adrian Fenty purchased four iPhones after not even waiting in line, leaving customers at the end of the line iPhoneless.

Larry West owns mayor Street, gets on the news [Phillyblog]
DC Mayor Gets His iPhones Delivered; Suck It, Philadelphia! [Wonkette]
Friday: This Kind of Sums Up Eight Years Of John Street
Friday: John Street In Revenge Of The Nerds

A Week Off And Nothing Changes

If you’re wondering, I took a week off from blogging because if I didn’t take a break soon I’m sure my brain would have melted into a goo of some sort. This might happen anyway, but I’d like to try to avoid that kind of PR nightmare for my death. But just because I wasn’t blogging doesn’t mean I didn’t take notice of the news last week.

There were a few news stories I almost thought about getting off my ass and writing about. I mean, some dude stole about 20 manhole covers, and he was 38! The cops managed to catch him by doing a stakeout, presumably in the sewers under manhole covers. “Okay, here’s manhole number 21–” “Gotcha!”

I also really enjoyed the Inquirer’s coverage of Wizard World, which included the photo at right. Being a nerd, I played quite a few Final Fantasy games when I was younger and, uh, what the hell have they done to Final Fantasy? Did I ever know any girls who dressed like that when I was 15? Hell, fuck that: Did I ever know any girls who dressed like that and played Final Fantasy when I was 15?¹

Anyway, when I last played a Final Fantasy game, the characters all pretty much looked like this:

More »

Larry West Has A Wikipedia Page

In the “criticism” section:

On an article written by Daniel McQuade, a writer for Philadelphia Weekly for the Philadelphia Will Do blog, he wrote, “It’s becoming more and more apparent Larry West is an art-school prank or perhaps the new host of Punk’d.”

For the record, Philadelphia Will Do is 100 percent in favor of Larry West’s candidacy. I will be sad when Larry’s Wikipedia page is nominated for deletion.

Larry West [Wikipedia]