Arlen Specter: I Support Larry Craig, Noted Moron

Sen. Arlen Specter, who was in the Senate when Charles Sumner was caned, is sticking to his guns and continuing to back Larry Craig. And buoyed by his support, Craig will attempt to withdraw his guilty plea, which will lead to countless untold hilarity in the coming months. Thanks, Arlen!

Specter was upset with the Republican leadership’s immediate turn on Craig after news of his arrest on solicitation of sex in an airport bathroom came out (har) last month. Specter called Craig and urged him to withdraw his guilty plea, since he didn’t really do anything — to be honest, I am confused as to what crime Larry Craig actually committed — and said he should stay in the Senate because it has a minimum number of self-hating gays needed to form a quorum. (It’s in the bylaws; look it up.)

Actually, naw, he just enjoys the comedy as much as we do.

“He thought that this matter would not be publicly disclosed, and that was very foolish,” Specter said. “Now look here, you have 27 years in the Congress, you have his reputation, you have his whole life on the line. I think he’s entitled to his day in court. Maybe he will be convicted, but I doubt it.”

Specter said Minnesota law allows a defendant to withdraw a guilty plea “if there is manifest injustice, and that is defined that a plea can be withdrawn if it was not intelligently made,” Specter said. “And what Sen. Craig did was by no means intelligent.”

You see! He even just called him a dumbass. This country is great.

Attorney: Stress from investigation made Craig plead guilty [CNN]
Sept. 5: Arlen Specter: Comedy Genius

Ex-Phillies Pitcher Also In Larry Craig’s Corner

It’s not just noted comedian Arlen Specter who’s supporting embattled GOP Senator Larry Craig. No, apparently everyone in the Republican party who’s spent any time in Philadelphia values comedy as much as I do. Case in point: Ex-Phillies pitcher Jim Bunning:

Sens. Ted Stevens of Alaska, Jim Bunning of Kentucky and Michael Enzi of Wyoming voiced their dissatisfaction with the response of GOP leaders in the chamber, according to one senator who was at the luncheon and two aides familiar with the meeting. Stevens, whose home was recently raided as part of a federal corruption probe, stood up to say it’s wrong to prejudge these matters, the sources said.

He was joined by Sen. Jim Bunning of Kentucky and Sen. Michael Enzi of Wyoming, who also “wagged their finger” at the leadership, in the words of one of the aides.

Yes! This is probably the best thing Bunning has done since his perfect game.

Craig sex sting case dividing GOP senators [CNN]
Yesterday: Arlen Specter: Comedy Genius

Arlen Specter: Comedy Genius

Perhaps invoking some ancient provision in Scottish law concerning cruising for sex in public bathrooms, Arlen Specter has decided he wants Larry Craig to stay in the Senate.

The toilet senator planned on stepping down on Sept. 30, but now he’s thinking of withdrawing his guilty plea and fighting an ethics investigation in the Senate. (This is a tremendous boon for the boys at Wonkette, and for those of us who enjoy humorous writing as well.) Craig said everything turned because of a call from our own magic bullet theorist himself!

A telephone call Craig received last week from Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa., urging him to consider fighting the guilty plea - and for his seat - affected Craig’s decision to reconsider his resignation, Smith said. On Tuesday, Specter, senior Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, suggested Craig’s GOP colleagues who pressured him last week to resign should re-examine the facts surrounding his arrest.

“The more people take a look at the situation, there may well be second thoughts,” said Specter, a former prosecutor. If Craig had not pleaded guilty to a reduced charge and instead demanded a trial, “I believe he would have been exonerated,” Specter said.

There are a few options here, each one as good as the next. (1) Arlen Specter has been in the Senate too long¹ and no longer understands anything. (2) Specter also cruises for gay sex in public restrooms. (3) Specter is a pod person from Mars. (Personally, I think this one is true.) (4) Specter enjoys hilarity as much as I do, and just wants to see where this thing goes next.

Whatever the reason, more Larry Craig, Toilet Senator, sounds good to me. Thanks, Arlen!

¹ My AP U.S. History teacher complained about Arlen Specter being in the Senate too long. In 1998.

Craig Reconsiders Decision to Resign [AP/KYW 1060]

McGreevey: I’m Worse Than Larry Craig, Idiots

Despite entering an Episcopalian seminary recently, noted gay ex-New Jersey governor/creepmeister Jim McGreevey hasn’t been in the news much lately. And how to rectify that? Why, by sending a letter about toilet senator Larry Craig to the Washington Post!

The opinion piece, which ran yesterday, talks about how hard it was to grow up gay (because of card catalogs, for some reason) and uses the special interest group phrase “gay American” again. And then he compares himself to Larry Craig in a way one might not expect.

I can only pray that Larry Craig and his loving family come to peace with his truth, whatever that may be. To those who judge him harshly, I ask that they fill their hearts with compassion and equanimity. The senator did not have a lover on the payroll, as I did; nor did he engage in sexual relations for money or use his office for unethical professional or personal gain.

Hmm, perhaps this is actually a Jim McGreevey impersonator writing in the Washington Post. It didn’t have a “Baba Booey” at the end of it, though, so probably not.

A Prayer for Larry Craig [Washington Post]
[Image via some unintentionally hilarious blog]