Fear & Loathing: A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Use

On occasional Fridays, a nameless — for obvious reasons — PW staffer writes about her experiences working at Pennsylvania’s number one location for sneakers and slow walkers, Franklin Mills. This week, it’s all about education.

As a general rule, I try not to judge my coworkers for their lack of education. (Because, honestly, there’s so much more to judge them for: Their sexual misconduct, the way they mispronounce the names of commonly known restaurants such as Buddakan, the fact that they think “Franklin Mills” is an actual township within Philadelphia.) School isn’t for everyone. Case in point: the assistant manager at my store.

A few weeks ago, she decided that she was going to get her GED through mail. I am totally unfamiliar with this process, so I thought she was joking when she told me that she had to complete a bunch of multiple-choice questions in books and then mail the books back. She wasn’t kidding. It’s seriously that easy.

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Ex-Rep From Bucks Smartest Man On Earth

Former U.S. Rep Jim Greenwood — who held the seat now held by Patrick Murphy and formerly by Mike Fitzpatrick — is a lobbyist (of course). And, currently, he’s CEO of Biotechnology Industry Organization, where he is lobbying to not have labels on food saying it came from cloned animals.

Yes, Greenwood doesn’t want labels on cloned food that says it, nor does he want labels on meat that say it was produced the old fashioned way (boinking, then slaughtering). Of course he does. He works for Biotechnology Industry Organization. You think having labels on food from cloned animals would be nice to have, since consumers have the right to know what’s in their food, some people may not want to eat cloned food (for creep factor/religious reasons I guess), etc.

But no. Why let the consumer make the decision when we have Jim Greenwood to tell us what to do! You see, he knows that cloned food is the same exact thing as regular food. (It very well may be.) And rather than let us decide, he wants to decide because he is just! that! smart!

Greenwood said the uproar over cloned foods can be blamed on the public’s “science-fictiony view” of the process.

“When electricity was created, some people thought that was going to be the end of the world,” Greenwood said.

Ahh. You see, Jim Greenwood knows! And rather let market forces show how right he is — i.e., let’s say a prized cow keeps being cloned to produce the finest-quality meats — he wants to eliminate the market forces because we peons might be too stupid to make the decision for ourselves. Thanks, Jim! Hey, remember when you voted for the Iraq War and you were so smart and right about that? Good thing you got out of Congress before you had to answer to anyone!

Greenwood finds self in cloning controversy [Bucks County Courier Times]