Nero To Burn Down Kimmel Center

Hey, everybody!Nero is performing at the Perelman Theater! Yes, we’ve resurrected the roman emperor who didn’t fiddle while Rome burned. Now that the fiddle has been invented, maybe he can finally do his famed performance!

Okay, so it’s Peter Nero. (And this joke was a lot funnier in my head. Shut up, it’s Monday morning.) But instead of directing the Philly Pops in songs you probably hate, he’s doing a straight jazz performance at the Kimmel Center’s smaller theater. People are apparently pumped! (Nero’s an excellent jazz pianist.) He will be bringing his 9-foot Steinway to the Kimmel Center with him.

The cheapest tickets cost $100, so you won’t be able to afford to attend.

ALL THAT JAZZ: Peter Nero to perform at Perelman Theater [Daily News]

Blogicized: Sunday ‘Parade’

• If you’re not reading the Sunday Inquirer’s Parade supplement, you’re totally missing out on some tremendous insight. [Wookified]

• No war! Instead, let’s make Mercedes Benz! [All Spin Zone]

• When the Kimmel Center is on Flickr, you know that said particular photosharing application has hit critical mass. [Kimmel Center Blog]

• The Minneapolis bracket matches up two Catholic schools in the Sweet 16, as ‘Nova and BC tangle on Friday. Not just that, but Georgetown’s in the bracket, too! Those heathen Florida Gators will end up advancing to the Final Four, just watch. [The 700 Level]

Blogicized: Tolling the bell, or a similar bad pun, &c.

• With David Bell getting older and less healthy, could he really be done? Maybe that’s why he always looks so sad. [Beerleaguer]

• If you pay your credit card bills too well, Homeland Security might need to know. [The 14th Windiest State]

• This Friday at the Kimmel: “You can’t tell me you’re going to miss Beethoven 7, Strauss Til and Carter & Lieberson??????” Well, are you??? [Kimmel Center Blog]

• Celebrities die; one man writes edgy funny obits. [Johnny Goodtimes]

• A Philadelphian is fighting obesity one Hadoken at a time. [Phillyist]

Quickies: Flock of dead seagulls

• Money line from the NBC 10 story about two teens who “brutally” killed a seagull: “My heart goes out to any animal. I may not have them all in my home, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care.” And here you thought we only liked animals we personally had in our homes. [NBC 10]

• Pennsylvania Republican gubernatorial candidate Lynn Swann rarely votes, but no race in his district ever ended within one vote, so it’s not like staying home affected any elections. [Inky]

• Which architect would Philadelphia get for the Kimmel Center? Only one they would sue later for damages, citing losses of $23 million. Oh, and the architect has now sued his subcontractors. [Inky]

• Philadelphians love complaining so much they keep complaining even when they told they’re in the wrong place. [Metro]

Blogicized: Don’t punch your date in the face

• Looking to charm a potential mate, boys? Here’s some ways to charm the skirt off that hottie in pigtails next to you at the bar. One of the rules: “Don’t push her head into your lap and expect her to suck your throbbing hard-on before you even kiss her.” Now you tell me. [SwedeHart Stories II]

• The Kimmel Center is giving away free tickets if you can write a haiku. This blog entry offers a bonus comment from Daniel “Blinq” Rubin! [Kimmel Center Blog]

• Rich dude runs for mayor; rich dude gives interview to local young politics website. Doesn’t he know the way to conduct business in this town is to trade political favors for cash? Geeze. [Young Philly Politics]

• RICK SANTORUM RICK SANTORUM RICK SANTORUM. Even if I liked the guy, I wouldn’t vote for him just hopefully so everyone (pro or con) will never speak of him again. If this is the left’s actual tactic, it’s genius. [All Spin Zone]

Quickies: Surprise, surprise, surprise

• A bit of housekeeping: two more essays this week, tomorrow and Friday. In the meantime, perhaps you’d like to read Monday’s?

• In a shocker, the Kimmel Center has no money! Well, it’s $30 mil in debt, at least. [Inky]

• Donovan McNabb to Jerry Mondesire’s ridiculously stupid comments: “I always thought the NAACP supported African-Americans, not talked bad about them.” Oh, snap. [NBC 10]

• A strange blind item in Dan Gross’ column today: “A local university president may want to polish up the old resume. We’re told the school’s board of trustees feels the prez is a control freak and thinks the answer is to bring in new blood.” [DN]