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Sep
2
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There is one good thing about having the summer end when you’re 25: I don’t have to go back to school! Ha ha, you stupid kids get the summers off, but at least we adults (or, in my case, “adult”) don’t have to spend all our time learning! Plus, now that all the kids are heading back to class, the Gallery will be less crowded. Ha ha, just kidding.
Anyway, one of the schools heading back this week is Lower Merion High School, a rich public school out in the ‘burbs with such famous graduates as Kobe Bean Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers and Dan Bean Gross of the Daily News. While the kids at LMHS probably already make more money and you and me do put together, at least we had parking when we were in high school. (Or at least I did.) Thanks to the construction of a new school building, there is no student parking at the school. Hey, it’s not like kids need to drive to school or anything. Erhm.
The school says it prefers its students get dropped off or walk to school, because… oh, man, I was all set to make fun of the LMHS kids when I started this story and instead it appears the administration is completely, 100 percent stupid here. The school actually even posted a video about the new traffic patterns at the school, to make themselves look even sillier.
Anyway, it’s not all bad news: The kids at LMHS will now get $30 parking tickets every day, KYW 1060 reports. Things like these make me feel better about not being in high school anymore, even though I’d probably be going on a hunger strike to protest were I a senior at that school right now.
For Returning Lower Merion HS Students It’s, Like Totally, a Parking Crisis [KYW 1060]
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dmac | 10:18 AM | 1 Comment
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May
16
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There’s an art project going on all month called Show Someone How You Feel About Something, where kids draw something to show how they feel about something. (Duh.) The project takes place at Clark Park on Saturdays and A-Space on Sundays and Mondays.
SEPTA Watch points out one bitching about SEPTA, always a fun pastime of any adult or child. But I happened to be at A-Space last night to talk with the Philly NORML guys and spotted a bunch of them on the walls.
There was one with drawings of condoms, telling Mayor Nutter to allow ‘em in Philly schools, a couple addressed to The Pope and one saying Bush should be impeached, saying kings have been beheaded for less. And then there was this one, addressed to Lynne Abraham. I snapped a photo with my camera phone.
Aw, hell. It came out all blurry. Well, I started the post, I might as well finish it. (This is the kind of award-nominated dedication you can expect from Philadelphia Will Do.) Anyway, if you look closely, you might be able to see what it says: Dogs, not semi-automatic weapons. Why didn’t we all think of that before?
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dmac | 9:10 AM | 0 Comments
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Apr
19
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Everyone knows Barack Obama is popular with the kiddies. “He’s their KFC JFK!” the adults say, and they are probably right. But some of these people are so young they will not even be able to vote for President Obama for re-election in 2012, except in their mock elections — and by then they will want to vote for Ron Paul anyway. (For mayor, they’ll be voting for Larry West.)
PW reporter extraordinaire Alli Katz interviews some kids who support Barack Obama but won’t be able to vote for him next week. Ha ha, stupid kids! What can Obama do for them — they don’t even drive! (As the commercials tell us, Obama will stand up to the oil companies with his giant gun of hope.)
Hillary Clinton immediately called for the punishment of these children by taking away their violent video games.
Obama’s Youngest Supporters [PW]
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dmac | 4:43 PM | 4 Comments
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Oct
11
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Hey, everybody, we have our own school shooting story right over here! A home-schooled kid in the suburbs was arrested for planning a “Columbine-type” attack on a school. Since he’s home-schooled, he apparently was going to shoot up his own house.
Oh! Here we go. He was going to storm Plymouth Whitemarsh High School in his attempt to be a bigger idiot than the Columbine kids.
A 14-year-old home-schooled male student was taken into custody after a 9mm assault rifle, air guns, hand grenades, explosive powder, a bomb-making book, videos of the Columbine shooting, and disturbing notebooks were found at the student’s home, according to Plymouth Township police.
How would he carry that all into the school? I guess it’s not really all that much, but it seems like this kid would get weighed down. Unless he’s that creepy kid bodybuilder, he can’t be that strong.
‘Columbine-type’ threat thwarted at Plymouth Whitemarsh High [Inquirer]
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dmac | 10:20 AM | 20 Comments
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Oct
4
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A portion of the crime log in Warminster, Bucks County:
Man gives candy to boys: Police say a man in a gold/brown four-door sedan gave candy to two boys on the side of Norristown Road.
According to police, a 10-year-old and his 12-year-old brother were waiting for a ride when the car pulled over on the side of the road. Thinking that the car was their ride, the boys approached it, and the man waved a bag of candy out the window, giving the boys two mint Lifesavers and a Tootsie Roll. No words were exchanged, however. The driver was described as being a white male in his 40s or 50s with a full head of gray hair and no facial hair. Anyone with information is asked to call Warminster police at (215) 443-5000.
If you know anything about this, please contact authorities. As usual, this is for entirely selfish reasons: You see, I really would be interested in if this man would be charged with, if anything. The odd thing about every child being told not to take candy from strangers is it’s legal. Right? This guy didn’t say anything, he just gave the kids candy. That can’t be against the law. If it is, what a great crime to be charged with. “I’m in for giving candy to some kid” etc.
Also, did the kids actually take the candy? Way to listen.
Public safety log for 10/04/07 [The Intelligencer]
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dmac | 11:54 AM | 4 Comments
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Jul
26
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It’s not just Penn kids who are being attacked by gangs of pre-teens. No, out in Plymouth Township — is that the one with the Ikea? — the perpetrators are 8-year-olds and the victims is a police officer. Oh, and the cop was attacked with an ax. Apparently, if we got all the guns off the streets, people would just settle differences with medieval weapons, such as axes, maces, morning stars and possibly catapults.
The 8-year-old who allegedly attacked the cop with an ax ran away with two friends from a school for children from “troubled families.” The kids then stole an ax from the back porch of a home, and somehow got into an altercation with a cop. The cop told the boy to put down the ax, police said, but instead the kid threw the ax at the cop, missing him but hitting the police car. (That car was one day from retirement!)
The Plymouth Township deputy police chief said this: “And even afterwards, they had attitude. They were bad. They got inside a police car. They were spitting at cops.” Ha. Now that we’re not even safe from eight-year-olds, I think I’ll just stay inside from now on. Oh, wait, that’s the same as usual.
Police: 8-Year-Old Attacks Officer With Ax [NBC 10]
July 17: Gangs Of Preteens Stealing Money For Pogs
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dmac | 11:42 AM | 1 Comment
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Jul
12
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In other scintillating photos people were waiting to see but aren’t quite sure why news, Miss New Jersey Amy Polumbo released the photos someone had blackmailed her with on Today this morning.
The photos are pretty boring even for embarrassing college shots; the one shows her boyfriend kinda sorta biting her nipple through her shirt, there’s one where she has pumpkins over her boobs, one where she’s spreading her legs with jeans one and others where she’s — gasp! — drinking. In all of the photos, None of them are nearly as risque or stupid as photo #2 here.
The organizers are meeting to decide whether to strip her of her crown. If she’s de-sashed, the only reason ever to watch this stupid beauty contest is gone.
Miss N.J. releases blackmail photos [Today]
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dmac | 2:00 PM | 7 Comments
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Apr
12
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Paul Vallas is packing his things, has rented a U-Haul truck and will be outta here as soon as possible. The superintendent of the school district, the guy with a plan to turn every other building in Philadelphia into a magnet school, says five years is enough.
His loss will most likely be celebrated by some, and sadden others, but the main thing is: The School District of Philadelphia needs a new superintendent who cares about the students.
“I think it’s a major blow to the city of Philadelphia and the school district,” Greg Wade, president of the Home and School Council, the district’s parents’ group, said of Vallas’ departure. “Say what you want about the man, he had our best interests at heart. I truly believe that.”
Yeah. I mean, what about all those school superintendents who hate kids and routinely beat them with rulers? Paul Vallas wasn’t one of them. Whoo!
Vallas to leave city schools post [Inquirer]
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dmac | 12:17 PM | 1 Comment
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Feb
21
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This letter’s about a month old, but let’s look at it anyway. It’s from the greatest of all letters pages, the Northeast Times‘. And it concerns the Times‘ kids column — cleverly titled “Kids Stuff.”
And, of course, someone is upset by it.
I have enjoyed William Feldman’s Kid’s [sic] Stuff since he began the column several years ago. But last week I was more than a bit shocked when he was doing a review of the play Chicago, which is by no means kids’ stuff.
It has adult themes, adult drama, skimpy costumes and nothing that would be appropriate to anyone below their teenage years, aka, “kids.”
Please understand that I love William’s writing — he is a very talented young man (emphasis on man), nor do I have a problem with the show Chicago — I found it very entertaining! But is Chicago something to be published under a Kids Stuff theme? I think not.
Adult drama! Skimpy costumes! Is nothing sacred anymore?
‘Kids Stuff’ no longer for kids [Northeast Times]
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dmac | 11:10 AM | 0 Comments
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