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No ‘Porno’ On SEPTA

I didn’ t know this because I’m not in high school anymore1, but apparently Kevin Smith has a new movie coming out! It’s called Zack and Miri Make a Porno, and that last word is upsetting people who had nothing better to do.

Even in this time of economic crisis, newspapers, transit agencies and billboard companies across this fair country have rejected ads for Zack and Miri Make a Porno because of the word porno. And Philadelphia? Oh you better believe Philadelphia is in on this game:

Rina Cutler, Philadelphia deputy mayor for transportation, said the stick-figure posters were cute and clever but unacceptable for bus shelters where schoolchildren would see the word “porno.”

“If they want to call the movie ‘Zack and Miri,’ that’s fine, but Zack and Miri cannot make a porno on my bus shelters,” Cutler said.

Crap. There goes my cash-generating idea, Busty Bus Stop Vixens. Back to the drawing board.

1 I did like Clerks 2, though.

Blogicized: When Mr. Bush Gets Angry, People Die

• A new memo, written before the start of the Iraq war, reveals that Bush was sending us into war even if Saddam apologized and sent the U.S. a nice basket of apples. Seriously, does this even surprise anyone? It’s like the big news about Barry Bonds being on steroids. What a shocker! Next, you’ll tell me that President Bush might’ve underestimated the military force an invasion of Iraq would take! Oh, wait, the memo says that, too. Hey, but at least nobody got hurt, right? Er. [Dick Polman's American Debate]

• At his talk at Penn last week, Kevin Smith mentioned that, hey, Jason Mewes — that’d be “Jay” in “Jay and Silent Bob” — had sex with Nicole Richie in a bathroom stall. Somebody wrote about it in a blog and another blog picked it up and then another and another and, suddenly, it’s in the newspapers. And Kevin Smith is now going, “D’oh!” over the whole thing. Of course it’s news over the fact that Mewes overcame his drug addiction! We Americans like our news as disgusting as possible, and really it doesn’t get any lower than screwing Nicole Richie in a bathroom. [Defamer]

• Josh Beckett got into a spat with everyone’s new favorite Phillie, Ryan Howard, yesterday, but no punches were thrown. Which is good, because I think Howard would tear Beckett in half like a baseball card. [Beerleaguer]

• What’s the best thing a Philly expat can do? Why, lead his team to a victory in a lego competition in Alaska, of course! What else do you do after you leave town? [To Philly, From Alaska, With Love]

Leftovers: Is the Pizza Pope Catholic?

022706redpanda.jpg • Hey kids! Want the opportunity to (1) make more money than I do and (2) get poked fun at on this website at least once a week? Metro is hiring! []

Kevin Smith is coming to speak at Penn! And what he is known for, according to the campus paper: “His films are also known for for sexual references and graphic displays of bodily functions.” Indeed! [Daily Pennsylvanian]

• Fearing the success of Marley & Me will put America’s CQ (Cuteness Quotient) at levels that the Chinese could not ever match, the nation opens a panda kindergarten. [Reuters]

• Ahh, but America returns the cuteness volley: Red pandas doing online dating! That means that, despite having both tried online dating, the red panda Fagan is leading me, 1-0, in number of dates. But how can I be mad when the little buggers are so cute! [6 ABC]

• The official mascot of the NCAA, J.J. Jumper, caused $6,500 worth of damage to the Columbia student TV station’s equipment when he accidentally backflipped into it. Sadly, this is probably the highlight of the year for the Columbia athletic department. [Columbia Daily Spectator]

• Earlier today I admired Bode Miller’s use of the Olympics as simply a two-week party. Now it’s time to admire the rich. Mark Cuban is offering a million dollars for charity if Donald Trump blows up a rubber glove with his nose on For Love or Money tonight. Make it $2 million for Trump to put on the J.J. Jumper costume and you could probably get elected president, Mark. [Blog Maverick via Deadspin]

• Will the day soon be coming when bloggers accept oral sex for linking new products? I’m a little easier than that. Really, all you have to do is laugh at my jokes and I’ll write whatever you want. [Jeremy Zawodny]

• The founder of Domino’s Pizza — the “Pizza Pope” — is planning the first “Catholics only” town in the U.S. No abortion, no fornication, no contraception, &c. And, on Tuesdays, Jesus’ blood is three goblets for $7 and comes with a free side of consecrated cheesy bread! [The Sunday Times]